Nagged for sex

[ohshiz]

I just don't want it. No interest right now. Why won't he just piss off and accept it. It's only been 4/5 weeks. You'd think the bloke was a raging teenage virgin by the way he's acting.

Hmm. I'm afraid I wouldnt just accept it. What's the bigger story?

Because it's fine if you both accept it but if the other person doesn't it feels really crap to be rejected. If he's an asshole he probably deserves it though.

For some of us, no sex is a deal breaker. But that is in the framework of a healthy relationship I would add. Everyone has the right to say no but you don't have the right to expect people to stay in the relationship regardless.

We've never ever had a great sexual relationship. I give in once a month but my libido is so low I'd gladly never have sex again. Bed for actual sleep anytime. (2 kids, stressful job, not on antidepressants or hormonal contraception, tried sex therapy, not asexual. I'm just not interested). I just can't bare the nagging it drives me nuts.

How is your relationship in other aspects? If your libidos are completely mismatched it might not be fair on either of you to continue.

Get a divorce. Let him go. Part of marriage is a sex life.

Been together 6 years. 2 kids. This is not news to him. I've been this way the whole time. It's not like I've suddenly stopped.

"Part of marriage"?

Nagging is deeply unattractive. But I couldn't live in a sexless relationship. Maybe you aren't compatible. Is the relationship strong in all other areas?

But it's horrible to be continually rejected. Sounds like you are incompatible so if that isn't going to change the kindest thing for you both is to split, co-parent well and get on with your lives.

Yes for most people it's part of a healthy relationship

I think it's a part of marriage/relationship too. Unless you are both 100% that you aren't interested in a sex life, when it could work. That's not your situation though OP.

As I said we've been together 6 years and I've been this way the entire time. He's 37, I'm 30. We hug and kiss, go out together, hold hands so he gets affection. He can have a wank if he wants to just wish he'd leave me alone sexually.

That's not normal though. Wanking is a very lonely business. Ok to let off steam, but it's not a loving sex life.

I appreciate itd be lonely if he didn't get affection elsewhere but he does.

Something is wrong if you just want him to leave you alone sexually. It is reasonable and normal to want to have sex with your spouse. Are other aspects of his behaviour upsetting you? To the extent that it's making him unattractive to you? You probably can't go on like this - you need to address it somehow - figure the cause of the problem and fix it or consider divorce. Divorce is the last resort though if you really can't sort this. Why do you "give in". Does he know you are giving in or does he think that on those occasions that you really want to be having sex?

He gets affection? He's not a dog. You are prescribing that he has a wank instead. For a lot of us, sex is the glue that keeps us bonded, something we enjoy. You can't expect him to stay in a sexless relationship unless he agrees to it.

He's agreed to it for 6 years that's my point.

Well I couldn't live like that. You're nothing more than flat mates sharing a parallel life. It's the intimacy that makes your relationship more than just a friendship.

It's a fantastic part of a loving relationship to be desired. Makes you feel wonderful. He must feel crap.

So what! You want him to subject himself to a life without it? He has the right to change his mind. Marriage is not an altar to sacrifice yourself on.

What do you mean, gets it elsewhere?

I'm on the other side of this, my DP (male) has a much lower sex drive than me (female). He's just not too bothered, we can go a couple of months without it, though with work and consideration we're getting much better. But it's hard when you realty love and fancy someone to be constantly rejected. Sex is generally part of a loving relationship, intimacy is important, connecting physically with your partner is important. If you really only ever 'give in' and would rather never do it again, you're cruel to stay with him and make him live like that. You say it's always been like this? Did you say before you'd try to make more effort and make him think things would change?

The more he nags the less attractive he is to me so right now I'm totally turned off by him.

Youve every right to not want sex and to refuse to have sex. But your attitude towards him is really strange, can you see that? Do you understand that sex is the bedrock of most romantic relationships? It's relatively unusual to have a drive as low as yours.

If my dp didn't have sex with me for 5 weeks and was annoyed I was asking and seemed to think I should make do with masturbation and a cuddle, I'm sorry but I'd leave him. Very quickly.

I think you need to start thinking about letting this man go. He might be too scared to leave you, but he should because it sounds like he's really suffering.

Flat mates don't kiss, cuddle, hold hands etc though do they? So no, sex is not defining of a relationship.

I don't want to split hairs but I was very affectionate with my female flatmates. Lots of hugging and arms round each other. No sex involved though. They were just my mates.

I think time need to explore if it's time to separate tbh. If he's 'nagging' then he's not getting the relationship he wants.