Nagged for sex

[ohshiz]

I just don't want it. No interest right now. Why won't he just piss off and accept it. It's only been 4/5 weeks. You'd think the bloke was a raging teenage virgin by the way he's acting.

No because they're my kids not his.

Is he their biological father?

You've been together 6 years and you have 2 kids who aren't his?

So they aren't that young then? 6 plus. Not really the toddler stage that gets in the way of sex then?

If you met him at age 24 and had low libido then you really need a more thorough medical assessment. You are missing out on a fab part of adult life!

Did you have difficult births? Previous sexual abuse?

You sound quite disgusted at the thought of ever having sex again.

For your sake and his divorce him. You don't need his permission. Work out how you can co-parent assuming he wants to stay in contact with his step-kids.
Longer term it's the best thing if he doesn't want to live in a celibate situation or go outside your marriage.

But you do need to know, that for most people your situation is not acceptable so if you want a relationship with him or anyone else in the future you probably need to work out why you dislike sex so much.

There's conflicting messages in your posts OP. You've stated that you love him but there is nothing coming through in your attitude that you even like or care about him, far less love him. It seems to me that you are in denial about the true state of your relationship and both of you would likely be much happier in the long run if you end it.

Not his kids? This just gets more ridiculous. You have no reason whatsoever to expect this man to keep putting up with this situation.

I agree with others there is nothing coming over in your posts to suggest you even like or respect him, much less love him. I repeat again, you seem cruel and utterly selfish.

Sorry I've been banging on smeaton

I'm going to tell him today.

Good idea.

Strangely enough, I don't think you'll be kind about it though.

Ohshiz has come here for support not to be told she's utterly selfish.
If you are deeply unhappy in your relationship and don't see a future together then separating should be an option. But if you love him and he treats you right and you want it to work sit him down and tell him this.
You will find a way to sort this out together.

I'm puzzled. Growing up I had a great relationship with my mother, and she had great female friends who I was also close to. Did no one ever point out to you that adult relationships with men, and that marriage usually involved sex?

Please, when you next go looking for a relationship with an adult male pick an asexual one. Don't put yourself or someone else through this farce again.

OP said she was told in therapy she is not asexual. I find that baffling. Granted I'm not an expert, but surely this is what asexuality is, this complete indifference to it?

This situation sounds awful for both of you. He shouldn't be pestering and nagging you for sex that you clearly don't want, and you shouldn't have to grit your teeth through unwanted sex every month. It sounds soul destroying and I can't imagine why any man would have sex with an unwilling partner.

At the same time, he is entitled to want a sex life with his partner. He should move on to someone he is more compatible with but if he is saying he won't leave then you need to take the initiative and end it, to put you both out of your misery.

There are some proper bitches on mumsnet. Glad they're no friends of mine.

Google, would you prefer selfish or ignorant.

Most romantic relationships and marriages with adult men (and women for that matter) usually involve sex, but choose to pursue that sort of relationship but don't ever want sex, then you are either; wilfully ignorant of reality or selfish.

She has an absolute right never to engage in sexual activity. She should consider her own emotional well-being and look for the type of relationship that doesn't compromise her happiness. And for someone who doesn't ever want sex, that's either an asexual romantic relationship, or get a loyal affectionate dog, not treat someone you purport to love like a dog that's begging for food.

The reason I asked OP why she had sex with other men when she clearly dislikes sex, and asked whether she ever had sex more at the start of the relationship was to work out whether it was selfishness or wilful ignorance.

I'm not ignorant. I have a PhD for fucks sake.

If you are referring to me, then no. I'm being harsh, but I'm not wasting my time to be a bitch, I'm trying to make you understand how illogical your position is.

As, I said. You have a right to never have sex. At the moment you are having sex you don't want. Are you prepared to be unhappy for a long time having sex you don't want, for a man you are making miserable too?

Ohshiz There are some proper bitches on mumsnet. Glad they're no friends of mine.

Agreed ☝🏼

Emotionally abusive? Are you for real? I give him sex once a month. I'm being "emotionally abused" by being ground down into it.

No one is globally ignorant. I'm also very well educated. In philosophy as it happens. But I'm wilfully ignorant of quantum mechanics because I have no interest in it.

You are either being selfish towards this man that you say you love, or you are choosing to be ignorant to the reality in the area of adult romantic relationships.

OP you are not abusive for not wanting sex. But you need to end this and not go through with the wedding, which I believe is coming up soon? He needs to take some responsibility too, he shouldn't be pressuring you into sex or get married to someone who doesn't want sex when he clearly does. But it doesn't seem like he is going to end it so you need to.

Sex is a life choice. Not a rule. It's not essential for living! My choice is to not have to succumb to whinging, whining hysteria because I won't give him a blow job. Shoot me.

You are entitled not to want sex.
Your husband is entitled to feel sex is part of a relationship (not to demand it on any specific occasion of course, just to expect it not be shut down).

So it's a compatibility issue. If I was him I'd leave, but I'd also not have embarked on the relationship in the first place. You need to spell it out to him that you don't want sex, then take it from there. Can he be happy with cuddles and wanking? Most people wouldn't be.

Emotionally abusive? Are you for real? I give him sex once a month. I'm being "emotionally abused" by being ground down into it

The whole situation is absurd. I don't know why either of you would remain in such a relationship.