Nagged for sex

[ohshiz]

I just don't want it. No interest right now. Why won't he just piss off and accept it. It's only been 4/5 weeks. You'd think the bloke was a raging teenage virgin by the way he's acting.

If my DH only "gave in" and had sex with me once a month I'd be seeking some form of counselling at the very least. Relationships without sex can work perfectly well - if both parties are on the same page. You aren't. It won't.

You find sex boring?

Do you masturbate?

Do you orgasm?

Have you considered sex therapy?

It is normal to feel 'touched out' when around young kids all day but that me time we all need is a separate issue.

If you had me time every day, would you want sex?

I have observed that divorce as a Dad is emotionally and financially bankrupting. A lot of men want to be part of their children's lives nowadays, and we appreciate that to develop that bond we need to be around when they are younger. Therefore a lot of men put up with a lot of shit because the alternative is worse, so if you want the relationship to end, you may need to do the ending. If you don't please realise long term sexual rejection destroys confidence and impacts on mental health in many men. Rightly or wrongly he will eventually seek a sexual outlet, either pornography, another woman or prostitution - all of which could devastate your family. Imagine how you would feel if one of the above scenarios materialised? Please try to resolve your situation OP

Therefore a lot of men put up with a lot of shit because the alternative is worse, so if you want the relationship to end, you may need to do the ending. If you don't please realise long term sexual rejection destroys confidence and impacts on mental health in many men. Rightly or wrongly he will eventually seek a sexual outlet, either pornography, another woman or prostitution - all of which could devastate your family. Imagine how you would feel if one of the above scenarios materialised? Please try to resolve your situation OP

Hit nail on head.

OP. Your situation will need resolving. What IS certain is that the status quo cannot and will not continue indefinitely

No I do not masturbate ever.
I've had sex therapy - conclusively not asexual.
We've had relationship counselling.
He's adamant he doesn't want to split.
I'm not depressed.
I'm not on antidepressants.
I'm not on hormonal contraception.

I just don't want sex.

I kiss him, I hug him, we're loving around the children. I suggest he has a wank if he's chomping at the bit because clearly he needs that relief but I'm not going to have sex with him purely because he wants it. It does nothing for me.

Giving in feels awful. I lie there clenching my teeth waiting for time to hurry up. I fake it then scurry off to the bathroom.

It's shit. Shit for both of us actually so thanks to those slagging me off.

Clearly you were not interested in sex even before kids, so that obviously is not the reason you're not interested now.

If you divorced, would you be willing to let him keep all his money and have primary custody of the kids? If not, that's probably why he's not jumping at your offer to split or seek sex elsewhere.

And 'giving in' is literally soul destroying.

You both could have a better life than this.

I'm on the other side of this. My DH strongly denies there's an issue but often finds and excuse and the lack of intimacy and closeness sex brings makes you feel rejected and isolated. It's not the physical release of an orgasm it's the intimacy of the sex itself. Sex with someone else wouldn't have that closeness because he wouldn't love them and want to share his life with them. It was provide the physical release but not the emotional and if you need that's not having it hurts.

Please split up with him. He's probably scared of losing his children which many people are when faced with a split. He shouldn't be pestering you of course but neither of you should live like this as it sounds shit and you'll hate each other.

Or would you consider opening up the marriage if this is of interest to him? Something like that could either make or break the marriage which at this point doesn't sound like a bad option tbh.

I wonder what sex has been like previously for you? I mean with other partners. Is he your only sexual partner? If so, I would suggest he is possibly just no good in bed, or you are not well suited. If you aren't enjoying sex, I really think it's because you are mis matched or he hasn't learned what to do to please you.

I'm astonished that you were considered conclusively not asexual in therapy. How did they come to a firm judgement on that?

I feel so sorry for your husband.

I'm going slightly against the grain - this isn't about sex. It's about the sort of intimacy that only comes from making love to the one you love heart body and soul. I don't know how anyone would find that without sex being part of it. It's that ultimate surrender to another human being and the trust required. Rejecting this part of your marriage will be seen by him as a rejection of him.

Letting him have sex with you is not the answer as that's just wanking with equipment. Marriage counselling is probably what you need as he needs.that connection. If you don't want that connection through sex then you need to find out how to find it elsewhere. Otherwise you don't have a marriage. For what it's worth you don't sound like you like or love him. Your posts have an undertone of utter disdain for him and his needs. We only get a snapshot of your life on these threads and that may analysis may be wrong and there may be other reasons that mean he deserves your disdain!

Yeah I can imagine it is shit for both of you, but you're not the one having to live a sexless marriage and being rejected all the time OP.

If you don't want to have sex with him that's absolutely fine. But you need to be honest and divorce so he can find somebody who does want to sleep with him.

Men aren't rocks. They have feelings as much as women and anyone who is constantly rejected by their partner will mentally suffer. His self esteem will hit rock bottom. He isn't stupid he probably knows that on the odd occasions you do have sex you're only doing it to get it over with.

I understand it's shit for you both but you're coming across as the victim here and making it all about you. Do you really think having a wank for the relief is the answer?? It's not just the physical aspect of sex he misses it's also the intimacy and everything that comes with it! And no, kissing is not the same.

I think you're being pretty selfish here OP. Yeah he may be adamant he doesn't want to split but he will want to eventually. You're forcing him into a life of no sex and constant rejection from the 1 person who's meant to be the opposite towards him. That's gunna do some confidence damage to anybody.

Do the right thing. Either sort out your sex life and marriage or let him go to find somebody who wants what he wants.

If my partner had your attitude I would've walked a long time ago. You're lucky he's been so patient.

Thanks for all the support.

I must have said this ten times now. Ive told him to go. I've told him to get sex elsewhere. He wont.

No wonder you don't want sex when it's like that!

Sex isn't just piv though. Does he ever pleasure you in other ways e.g. Oral or manual? Has he ever given you an orgasm?

Maybe he's the one who needs sex therapy.

He really shouldn't be having sex with someone who clearly doesn't want to do it.

It is not normal to have no libido - that's why I asked if you masturbate

You need to go to the doctor as it could purely be a physical reason - if you don't masturbate and fake orgasm then we need to find out why. The big problem is going to be taken seriously, very hard to get a GP to take low libido in women seriously as it's usually a psych reason (past abuse/resentment/being touched out)

You DESERVE to have a fulfilling sex life at 30 peppered with orgasms and intimacy. Please go and see your GP.

You sound depressed and angry. I wonder if there are other issues going on which are making you feel resentful generally? There is a big picture here I feel. Do you love him? If you love him, how would you feel if he left?

How long have you been with your OH?
Some people who've been with their partner for a long time view their OH more like a sibling than a lover which could understandably put you off sex.

Have you ever enjoyed sex with him? Were you at it like rabbits in the early days?

OP you mentioned having sex with others before your husband, and what you write seems to indicate that was boring too. Can I ask, why did you have sex with them? And why did you want to form a relationship with your husband? What made him different? At the start of the relationship did you avoid sex with him?

I must have said this ten times now. Ive told him to go. I've told him to get sex elsewhere. He wont.

Would you allow him to have custody of the kids if you divorced?

It's not just his decision to separate though
I think you need to be the stronger person and make the decision

No because they're my kids not his.

How long have you been together? You don't really appear to like him