Nagged for sex

[ohshiz]

I just don't want it. No interest right now. Why won't he just piss off and accept it. It's only been 4/5 weeks. You'd think the bloke was a raging teenage virgin by the way he's acting.

Doesn't the man here also need to take some blame though? He has continued in a relationship where the OP says she has never wanted sex and tries to pressure her. He has an obligation to move on too if he isn't getting what he wants, instead of having sex with an unwilling woman every month.

Young children thing might make some people slow down. But not stop and not be so dismissive.

I have a baby, a child and a full time job. But I can find 20 mins for a quickie, because I want to.

OP please don't allow yourself to be bullied into giving blow jobs, that would be horrific. Please just leave.

No one is saying you should be nagged into sex. Please don't be.

You've told him to leave, told him to go elsewhere. Do you want to be together? I think some of these comments are pretty harsh, you don't have to have sex or give bjs. What's keeping you together? Your forcing yourself to do something you hate once of month and he's lacking a happy and willing partner. Who should compromise could be argued all day long but I don't think either of you should. You've given a tiny glimpse of your relationship and you don't seem compatible

Your arrogance is awful minx.

For some of us shiz sex is essential. I think that's where your view departs from your partner's.

I couldn't (and didn't) continue to live like that but it sounds like he holds hope.

The nagging must be bloody awful. The rejection must be bloody awful.

Finish it.

I'm with jeaux90, I can't see a solution that would work for both of you without some severe unhappiness or the relationship ending. The situation is incredibly unfair on both of you, being nagged is horrible but constantly being rejected by the person you love, to be told they never want to have sex with you again, must be soul destroying. I agree you should end it.

If sex were simply reducible to a "lifestyle choice" are you suggesting that sexual orientation is simply no more than a lifestyle choice? Are you implying that people choose to be gay or hetero? Or asexual or demi or any other sexual identity?

If sex is reducible to a lifestyle choice, fine each individual can make that choice, but make it for themselves, in relation to themselves, and not make that choice for others. You are choosing to make that choice your lifestyle, but do you have a right to make that lifestyle his without his consent.

And whilst we are on the topic of consent, enduring and acquiescing to sex you are nagged (read coerced) to have is dangerously close to rape.

You have reduced not sex to a lifestyle choice, but yourself and him to missery.

I'm not making it for him. I've told him to get sex elsewhere or leave the relationship. Him refusing either of those is his own decision making. By staying he is choosing to stick with a sexless relationship.

Again, his choice. But he knows all of this. So I can't fathom the incessant nagging.

You sound like you don't care whether he stays with you or not.

I'm bowing out of this. Thanks to the kind people giving support.

It's my house!!

If you accept the nagging, you accept everything.

#logic

It doesn't work both ways because going without sex and being forced into unwanted sex are not comparable. The default has to be that the partner who doesn't want sex not have to grin and bear it. The partner who wants more sex is free to explore other options such as moving on from the relationship.

Ok, you have given him a choice to have sex with a woman who wants sex with him. For some reason he chooses to have sex with an unwilling woman (you) what sort of man is he in this case? Is he a man you want a relationship with?

If sex has always been out of the equation, unless it's coerced, unless he nags and makes you feel guilty and worn down, what does this say about him? He's either a misogynist bully, or a deviant who likes begging!

Or, you didn't spell it out to him that you didn't want sex, had a sufficient amount of sex to give the impression of being willing and he's just an ordinary man wanting intimacy and sex with the woman loves. So I'll ask again, did you have sex or allow him to think you willingly had sex when you met him?

You don't have to tell me, but think about it and be honest with yourself. Either you have put yourself in this situation or not. And actually, no man has a right to sex, and every woman has a right not to have sex she doesn't want. I'm not very concerned about his feelings, I'm trying to help you.

Have you considered not faking it? So he’s under no illusion that you enjoy it when you get going?

Good post Mini.

The crux goes like this. I hate hate talking about. I involved in an upsetting incident when I was 14. It made the local papers. Hence I've had sex therapy. I told him about it early in the relationship so he's always known. He was overly empathetic to begin with but the nagging has become more frequent and I can't cope with it anymore.

Could you write to him about it?

Tell him how miserable it is making you and that you aren't going to change and perhaps he needs to call it a day?

I became sexless at the menopause, I would have sex with my husband to shut him up but didn't enjoy it but he was constantly nagging, moaning, wanking in bed next to me and going on about it 24/7.
Even when I made a huge effort it was never enough and he would always wait until really late at night when I was shattered after work to want to "talk about it".
I tried to explain that the menopause was making the simplest tasks exhausting and that full time work was a killer and that I needed help around the house and garden, he didn't try to help me round the house or ever mow the lawn - I have a huge garden, or help in anyway or get a regular job so I didn't have to work so hard but I was expected to jump through hoops for him all the time.
So I divorced the waste of space and now live a happy and peaceful life on my own.
I suggest OP that unless your husband is willing to find sex elsewhere this might be the option for you. If it's companionship you crave there is always the asexual dating site for people with low sex drive.
One thing is sure, you cannot go on like this.

How recently was your therapy? Could it be that you need some more to deal with how things have progressed over the years? Either alone or with your DH?
It sounds like a very sad situation all round.