The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

When he told me I was a shit wife, shit mother, shit employee and shit daughter. A defining moment and it was over.

Sorry darcy that sounds really cruel of him

He is was an arse!

When he said, "you know me, I'm black and white ... it's all or nothing"

This was in relation to our sexless marriage. He decided post-separation that it would be easy to get intimacy, we both just had to want it....

"Of course I don't want any fucking dinner. Can't you see I'm busy working? God, you're so fucking selfish bothering me when you know how stressed and busy I am".

I took his plate back to the kitchen and couldn't even be arsed to cry but I knew it was dead and I didn't love him, like him, respect him, want to be with him.

"I don't want to do this anymore"
There was lots of lead up over the preceding year, but was a perfectly fair, clear and concise statement. Sort of an Aunty Climax, but can't fault it really.

"when the dc have left home we will have to get a bungalow for just us."
The week we bought a house.
Filed for divorce less than 6 months later due to his anger /drink issues.

Him randomly coming out with:
"I'm not going to get married again"
(We were married).

When he said "I think you're making me feel depressed." This is after I had been suffering with PND which had not been diagnosed for some time. I knew after that it was over.

Three words "grow a pair"

Said by EA ex after I broke down in tears when not only she but also a roomful of her friends had a long, nasty conversation about my weight, fitness and appearance.

I realised she had got one thing right that evening, I did need to "grow a pair"

So I walked out and didn't look back.

The man on the phone said "Your husband is having an affair with my girlfriend."
And that was that.

I don't have one to add here, but I just wanted to say well done all of you awesome people for doing what you needed to.

And I'm sorry you all went through this in the first place.

On him looking at a page 3 model in the paper and saying "Oh I'd give it one"
He never showed any physical interest in me and would push me away if I approached him.

There were a number of solid nails in the coffin:

Five days after birth of youngest my eldest, not his, tried to take her life. Cahms recommended family counseling, he said 'well, she's not my family'

A few months later on learning a friend's marriage had ended because she'd had an affair 'if I'd known she was up for it I'd have had a go'

Cancelled my joint account bank card without telling me leading to humiliation at Tesco checkout 'youre just a gold digger', umm no, I'm trying to feed our family

When I said my mum was visiting and he said she couldn't because 'i am the head of this household'

How long have you got?

My best friend said "he's who DS1 has to look to to see how to be a man." He was an abusive bastard in every sense of the word and it was a lightbulb moment. It trundled on for a few months after that, but that comment stayed with me. My best friend died a few years later, and one of the last things she ever said was that she was proud of me for getting rid of him.

I asked 'Is there somebody else?' and he said 'Well I'm not going to lie .....'

I never wanted to marry you and you looked like a fat ugly cunt on our wedding day.

Divorce papers should be dropping this week!

Him: Ok I admit I have a wife and six children back in Ireland (having previously sworn to be divorced).

Me: Get the fuck out and never contact me again, you lying, cheating scumbag.

Followed by a whole lot of pain because I loved him and thought our relationship was for keeps.

Him - we can't keep doing this to oursleves and we are NOT doing it to DD anymore

Me - finally we agree on something

It wasn't from him (boyfriend at the time) but someone else, who was apparently a very good friend of his. He asked me how I knew boyfriend. We'd been going out for three years!
Saw in a flash how little a part of his life I was.

When he signed me into psychiatric hospital after falsifying an attack on our baby. Whispered in my ear that he was taking the baby and I was nuts and as it was documented I would never get custody.

I was a tad hysterical after that so was sedated. A fortnight later a lovely psychiatrist helped me get my daughter back and gave me £20 to tuck away in my bra as escape money.

6 months in women's aid I spent before I got my own flat. Loved it. And it's what made me the woman I am today

One of mine was we were sharing sexual fantasies as in describing what we were fantasising about whilst doing it.. At least that's what I thought, when I said 'you are a hot lecturer whose fucking me in the office' all went cold and I had a lot of 'i' m uncomfortable with that ' and' where did you get that from' and 'we have to both enjoy it' that I just thought 'that's it'

My ex was horrendously controlling and emotionally and physically abusive. One particular night, and not the first time he'd been violent to me, he'd shoved me hard enough to bruise my chest the night before, in front of a lot of our mutual friends.
The next morning 'stop fucking crying, you whiney cunt! I didn't even hit you, don't start making me out to be a woman beater. You've made me late for work now!' And with that he stormed out, having smashes up most of our flat and left our poor dog cowering by my feet, and a lightbulb went ding in my head and I went, with all the haste I could muster, back to my mums. Moved all my stuff out while he was still at work.

"You don't get something for nothing in this world."

This is my first post since de-regging in 2012, but I was thinking about this exact thing just yesterday. I knew there was something very very wrong when STBXH failed, yet again, to defend me from his family (on the last and worst occasion when his DF came to our house to tell me what a shit person I am, 'D'H just sat there and nodded). The above was said to our lovely DS not long after, when he asked for some of his dad's mashed potato to try and ex responded by plonking half a forkful onto the side of his plate, then scraping most of DSs dinner onto his own.

Was like a lightbulb going off and I was suddenly able to process the fact that I could, and should, leave this man.