The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

He said "I'm going to go out drinking if I want to". He had hit me several times when he was drunk, eventually punching me in the face and breaking my nose. I agreed to take him back when he promised to give up drinking. He knew he was a violent drunk so he was basically threatening to assault me if he felt like it. I knew then I couldn't live under the threat of violence. It was absolutely the right decision.

"But dogs are dirty"........ I knew then that I could never be with him in the long-term.

When I see a dog, I see warmth, love, joy, companionship.

He saw dirt.

Several red flags spanning 18 years but he started being horrible about me saying you're a fat nerd and I prefer my women curvy and without specs. The twat on Xmas Eve changed his status to in a relationship with flawless beauty. I was having CBT at the time and it gave me the confidence to see that I was putting his needs and wants before my own. Several months later he requested me on Facebook but I marked him as spam and he hasn't contacted me since.

I am now getting stronger but I have a lot to learn about a healthy relationship.

Different ex. "I'm going to break all your fingers" whilst brandishing a hammer. I grabbed DD, and ran.

I almost ended it when he forced me to walk 5 miles the day after I'd given birth (a traumatic delivery) to visit relatives.
The nail in the coffin was when I realised he'd been secretly resentful of my older children. The conversation had started when he said he wanted more praise and recognition for taking DD to school some mornings. It progressed to him saying I was a disgraceful tart for having children with different fathers.
I asked him why on earth did he choose not only to be with me, but have a baby with me. He nodded towards my smiling, innocent little boy and said, 'well that was a mistake.'

'You needs to go and pack your bags,' me while holding his secret mobile phone on which I'd just read all of his sexting and messages. To my surprise (and delight) he went without a fuss!

coffee
When I had just come out of hospital paralysed and in a wheelchair my dh wouldn't do anything around the house at all unless I specifically asked him. I even left a basket of washing at the bottom of the stairs and he stepped over it because I didn't ask him to take it up.
Then he said that I refused to ask for help

"I'm not not having sex on my wedding night."

It took me fifteen years but I got away in the end.

We'd spent a few weekends in a row seeing his grandparents (which was fine). In the car on the way back I asked if we could perhaps do something different the next weekend. He said 'let's go and see your grandparents shall we? Oh that's right, you don't have any.' My grandparents had all died quite close together.

That and when I confronted him about flirting with other women online he said 'well what did you have to offer me? Eastenders and an evening on the sofa with your cat?'

'I made her abort my baby because if she had it we would have no chance' said by emotional and physically abusive OH of 3 years about OW I knew nothing about.

'Well, are you going to try harder at making this relationship work?'

And suddenly I just felt complete calmness and told him 'No. I'm done.' It was that one sentence that suddenly made it crystal clear to me that it was always about me adjusting, fitting in with him, putting the effort in.

me: ' we need to talk, i am so sorry but i have met someone else '

him: ' that's ok cus i have too and his name is gerald'

name changed..it was not actually Gerald

"Look you have children now. You need to get a little job that fits round them, what's the point of retraining? If you go ahead with this course then you're on your own because I am not going to help, I am too busy as it is!"

"I can't ever leave you, you can't manage life without a man, I'm trapped because you'll move someone else in in weeks and won't care what they do to my kids"

"Only one of lives had to change when we had kids and it's not going to be mine"

"Fuck off out the living room, I want to enjoy myself and I can't with you sat there"

Loads more. He wouldn't leave though so I was stuck listening to it for years until he finally attacked me in front of one of my children and the police helped me keep him out.

sorry everyone is posting such awful stories..mine was actaully quite funny...my exdh or as i call him dexh...as he really is a darling ex husband...opened a bottle of champagne and we had a really lovely heart to heart and i saw a picture of 'not gerald' and approved of him ...and we were able to pretty much sort everything out in one evening.

my dexh and not gerald are still happily together and we often do stuff all together, such as christmas day lunch

jellybean that's so nice. It's so rare you hear about any kind of amicable break up.

Everyone else... my god you are all strong ladies. I bow down to your strength and awesomeness.

When trying to justify his cheating he reminded me how lucky I was that he didn't hit me like "some blokes"
I took off my wedding ring there and then and asked him to leave immediately.

Overheard horrible row from nextdoor's kitchen where their children playing in garden went deathly quiet as did wife, just sound of husband yelling and glass smashing. Unfortunately similar to what happened at ours on occasions...
Told exH who said "Good man".

'I definitely want to have kids but not until I'm at least 40' I was 3 years younger than him so clearly not the baby mama he had in mind.

'I see my life in terms of various things that I need to give my attention to - work, friends, family. You're another one and it's just about trying to keep them all ticking along.' Way to make a woman feel special.

I mean he was 3 years younger than me obv

Each revelation is unique, and very worrying but there does seem to be a bit of a pattern. May be this is why we have found and use MN.

XH rang his sister who lived overseas and said "I think you ought to know that Annie and I are getting a divorce". This was the first I'd heard of it. He went on to describe how we would arrange the finances and get a house each fairly near each other and a suitable school so the DC could stay turn about with each of us, and suggested SIL might like to come and live with him and share costs since she had recently divorced too. I had not considered divorce to be a practical option before, but from what he said I realised it could work. It was like a huge weight lifting off my shoulders.

It turned out XH didn't mean a word of it. He even tried to pretend I'd imagined the conversation. But I'd seen the light at the end of the tunnel and from then on I wanted out. He did try to talk me round and made all sorts of promises, and I reluctantly agreed to give it another try. Less than two days later he came up to me with a strange twisted smile and said he'd had a rethink. He had in fact done nothing wrong and the things I was expecting of him were unreasonable (things like earning money, showering, and accompanying his wife and children on holiday once in a blue moon without moaning the place down). I was setting him up to fail, to justify what I had wanted to do all along (ie have an affair, something he regularly went on about - the minor detail that I had not had an affair didn't seem to register). I was kind of horrified and relieved in equal measure. Horrified that he had managed to reinvent history and seemed to believe his own take on events in the teeth of all the evidence. Relieved that now I wouldn't have to try any more.

Reader, I divorced him. Coming up for ten years ago now. Life is tough sometimes but oh, so much less tough for not having him in it. And I never did get round to having that affair.

to you all. Some really heartbreaking and some very scary times there.
I only had one bad breakup, and that was with a boyfriend I was with for about 3 months. It was quite a fraught relationship, my first proper one, but it was over when one night after a particularly bad row he told me I wouldn't make it home. I was heartbroken after, but knew it wasn't healthy for either of us.

"If you won't move to the other side of the world with me, then you just don't love me enough! "A week later he told me we were getting divorced. Been married less than 2 years and I wouldn't move my children from a previous relationship to live abroad. He said he would have me out of his house in days. He had me arrested for a made up assault, bought women back to the house with me and my children still there. It took me a while and a very wise police woman to see he had been abusive the whole relationship. I had to sleep naked or I didn't love him. I had to cuddle him until he was asleep or I didn't love him. I should be having sex with him a minimum of 5 times a week (blow jobs acceptable at the time of month as a replacement ) or I didn't love him. The list goes on. Then someone told me that when someone shows you who they are, believe them. I turned a corner that day. And the same day he realised and spent 12 months pursuing me. I am now in a great relationship and so happy, new DD arrived last year and getting married next year. I thank him for making me stronger and for breaking my heart. Without his tantrum I would still be there and not living this blessed life now.

When he said "you are a wonderful mother, but my god you are a shit wife." I was done then.

there's some awful stories on here but got to say that someone who says "I hope that baby dies of cancer" about his unborn baby - well, you can't get lower than that.