The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

[PickAChew]

LEM

[Moodycoo]

"So it's all my fault just because I fucked someone else?!"

Yes. It was.

[Frith1975]

I don't remember the sentence exactly or his name for them but it was something like "No, you're not having sanitary towels, you don't deserve them".

It took a few months after that for me to find an opportunity to get away with the children.

I remember hearing the sentence very clearly and suddenly realising how bad things were. I sat on a folded up bath towel on my bed and he kept coming upstairs ordering me downstairs but I couldn't (not without making a mess).

[feelinghappyatlast]

The men in white coats will be coming for you!

When I found out about OW I asked him calmly was he seeing someone else. He just kept denying then I threatened to message her on fb. He told me I was "psycho" and said the men in white coats were coming for me.

He didn't know I had all the screen shots and pics of them

He also swore on kids lives that he wasn't. That part really annoys me.

He was a dick. Broke my heart in two but I can laugh now.

[elephantoverthehill]

frith I cannot find the words I hope everything is good now.

[MamaMotherMummy]

I am astounded by some of these!

to all you brave women

[VelvetKnickers]

Wow, some people are truly horrible. I’m very thankful for my DP right now.

You are all amazing

[LittleCandle]

Frantically doing the 'pick me' dance via email (he was abroad) after learning he was having an affair. I demanded he come home to sort things out and he was refusing, making up all sorts of lies about why he couldn't come. Then this line in an email 'one of the girls in the office told me this great joke - I am still laughing about it now'. Funny - I wasn't doing much laughing.

I emailed back and told him not to come home. I took off my wedding ring that day and never looked back.

[PickAChew]

You know, someone on MN, the other day, claimed that it was all inexperienced posters who advocate LTB.

I suspect I'm not the only one who says it, when appropriate, having the horrible gift of hindsight.

[Frith1975]

@elephant - yes, all good - have been divorced for 12 years! :-D

[AnyFucker]

Nah, Pick. It's the lucky people who have never experienced abuse in a relationship who fail to see it in front of their eyes. Who slag off the "LTB brigade". They have no idea

[Shadow666]

"I lied"

There was then a whole series of excuses about why he lied but as you say the scales fell from my eyes and I saw that he does lie. He lies all the time. He lies to manipulate and control people. He lies about stupid little things that he doesn't need to lie about. He only needed to admit it that one time and everything changed.

[Forme2016]

Me: Are you involved with someone else?
Him: Yes
Me: What do you intend to do about it?
Him: Leave
Me: Off you go then

This after 23 years together and 16 years married, 4 days before we were due to go away for the weekend for my birthday with my DSis and DBil.

He knew my stance on infidelity meant that the above would be my response and from that day (16 months ago) on I have not budged. Dignity and indifference are my response to him, despite how I may have fallen apart behind closed doors.
I now have the much happier life

[elephantoverthehill]

Can we all do or choreograph an IKBO or LTB dance? What music shall we have for this stomp?

[UnicornRainbowPoo]

There were so many but I think the first one that really got to me was when he'd just come back from a ten day lads only holiday and the children were all out at parties or sleepovers and we had the evening to ourselves and I suggested going to the local pub for a drink and a meal, he asked who else would be there, I said just the two of us and his response was that "that would be a waste of money." He proceeded to cook dinner for himself without bothering to ask if I wanted anything.

The final nail in the coffin was a couple of months later during a conversation where I had suggested he could support me more around the house and I was told that I knew what he was like when I married him and should just accept him the way he was. I said that it felt like he didn't care about me at all, his reply was that he tried to care but couldn't because I wasn't the person he wanted me to be. I filed for divorce a few weeks afterwards.

[CrazyHairSister]

Him - Have you seen my phone anywhere?

Me - Yes it makes interesting reading

Him - So you know then?

Me - Yes

[colouringinagain]

So january, 'D'H had gone away for the weekend for work (said it was essential) even though I was suicidal (reactive depression following 12 months caring for him with severe depression).

So six months later, anniversary dinner, I mentioned I had found that decision hard to accept, but I had. He says 'oh I didn't have to go away, I just didn't think I could help'.

Cue me walking out of restaurant thinking that's it.

To this day he is still angry with me for embarrassing him by walking out of the restaurant. He does not get it.

[ChaChaChaCh4nges]

I was desperately unhappy (XH wasn't pulling his weight at home, we both worked FT but I did all the childcare, etc etc). I asked XH if we could please talk when the DCs were in bed as I was close to breaking point; he agreed.

I put the the DCs to bed (I guess they would have been 2, 3 and 5 at the time) to find XH reading the paper with the TV on too. I asked if he was still OK to talk, and he said yes without looking up from the paper, not even briefly. I asked him to turn off the TV and put the paper down so we could both concentrate, and he said "No need. I can multi-task."

And that was my lightbulb moment. That he didn't care enough about me to stop reading The Times for five minutes, even if only to pretend that he cared.

Our marriage limped on for another couple of years, but that's when I knew. When I left him, he claimed he had no idea he's been treating me badly. I mean - really?

[Polyethyl]

"You say you love me. But clearly you don't love me. Because if you really loved me you would have ironed my shirt properly. Look at this crease."

[antimatter]

Me: So you are seeing someone else
Him: Yes... I didn't tell you because I didn't want to hurt you
Me: That's it, I think we have to go separate ways

[Laughinginyourface]

" go pop your happy pills and overdose so I can do what I want in peace"

A week later I packed his bags left them on the doorstep, he moved in with the ow 3 days later.

[Sidge]

I met a good friend on her birthday for coffee and cake and spent most of the time crying as I just knew my husband was having an affair but had no proof. He'd denied it over and over and made me feel like I was going mad.

I remember saying to her "I never knew you could be married but feel so lonely".

I got the proof a month later and kicked him out.

[NormaNameChange]

"Id like to book Catherine please for this evening. Im staying at X hotel, room number..."

It was an email, sent from his mobile. He forgot they synced to the laptop I was sitting in front of at home.

[meowimacat]

"Isn't mummy useless....isn't mummy a waste of space"

Said on Mother's day this year when he'd had the day off and I'd been at work all day - and I wouldn't come outside with him as soon as I got home to plant some seeds he'd got me as a gift (interesting last minute purchase as he'd clearly forgotten til the last second again.)

That was it for me, saying that in front of my little ones.

[CanIBuffalo]

I'm stopping the flies getting in my mouth.

It was a lie.