The sentence that ended your relationship

[OhHolyFuck]

Sort of a taat, but reading sosos grammar school thread and it got me to thinking

When ex-dp and I were 'trying' (i.e. I was doing the pick me dance/hysterical bonding and he was sexting everything with a pulse and lining up his next victim girlfriend) we had a conversation about celebrities we'd like to be

I said various people for their attributes and then he said he'd be Peter Pan - when I asked why he said 'because I don't ever want to grow up, it's boring isn't it?' and it was a 'scales falling from my eyes' moment - I had morphed into this boring responsible dowdy mum but thank god one of us had because he was simply never going to take responsibility for anything

Every letter he didn't take back to school that I'd had to fill out, every time he was late for work, every time he lived off microwave burgers and spent 20 hours a day gaming - it wasn't me, it was him looking to be forever 16

So what was yours?

@tomatopuree

Lots of tiny nails in the coffin for me. Calling me a bitch for moving his stuff when I had refused to go near his piles of shite for months. The thing he was looking for was exactly where I had last seen it, all those months before.

Cornering me and telling me I needed to have babies because women's bodies go a bit funny if they don't (we hadn't had sex for 5 years at this point).

Telling me there was nothing out there for me in the world and no one had a place for me. I'd already been working on getting my ducks in a row, by this point, but that was my "about that house you have for rent" moment.

This is all against a backdrop of questionable personal hygiene, punching holes in walls, drinking until he puked all over the bathroom (leaving me to clean it up so I could have a wee and go to bed) haranguing his mum on the phone for hours on end and spending money on shite all like it was going out of fashion. Oh and lots of suicide threats and humiliating public outbursts.

He said "it's true" after being arrested for downloading indecent images of children. I left that day with our 3 month old

"You're no disincentive to suicide"

followed by (when I'd finally managed to break away, having been so young and naive and thinking that if I just tried hard enough I could fix his issues):

'You're leaving me - I'm going to do a Kurt Cobain'

At that point I think I coldly repeated the no disincentive line back to him. God, there are some tools out there, given this lengthening list. Hopefully at least one person still languishing in a shocking relationship can be helped by it!

I can't decide between the time of told him I had pnd and he told me people with depression needed a shake

Or the time he told me he couldn't promise he'd cry at my funeral

Really, really cliched and crass. 'I haven't loved you for years, I'm only staying here for the sake of the DCs'. My reply 'Off you go then'. That awful sentence about the DCs really summed it up for me and said in front of them.

I was given an ultimatum and chose to walk.

Loads of back peddling from my ex after that but, no one does that to me. Best thing I ever did

"Go on then,phone the police. I dare you" as I was once again on the floor after he hit me once again. So I did. And pressed charges.

Decree absolute should be landing on my hall floor in the next couple of weeks.

I'm going to the shop, do you need anything?

And that was it. Next thing I heard after 3 weeks of total hysteria, police, hospitals, etc was that he had changed his mind about parenthood and didn't want any communication or to see me or DS again. Apparently this was the easiest way. His parents collected his things and that was that. Until he turned up again 14 years later to announce that it had all been a huge mistake and he wanted to be part of our lives, particularly DS as, whatever his faults he is still his Dad. words fail me.

"im not that bothered to be honest"

i asked dh to watch a documentary on my job, like the actual job i do with the people i do it with that was on telly on beeb 2.

it told me everything i needed to know. he wasnt that bothered. and he really wasnt.

When she said "that's it. I'm ending this now" on skype. She ended the video chat and never spoke to me again :(

Nothing in comparison to many of these but -
"This song is like our relationship"

It was Common People by Pulp, played in the dingy boozer we liked to frequent in those days. He was a bit of an anarchist and had told me previously that he felt uncomfortable dating 'the bourgeoisie' - defined by the fact that my parents owned their own house and I speak with an RP accent. I didn't give a fuck about backgrounds and, at the time, shared many of his ideals thankfully much older and more cynical now! I love that song (or did until it ruined a relationship!) but he was hardly Jarvis Cocker and after paying rent on my shitty ex council flat while trying to get a job, I certainly couldn't afford to buy him rum and coke

So many things that should have been the nail in the coffin moment but I lived in fear for twenty years (and the twat knew it) but the final one was "why don't you do us all a favour, drive into a wall and die you fucking bitch" said in front of then 12yr old ds.
In the morning I came downstairs to a kitchen covered in food and fat from the fryer, and I mean he'd poured it all over.
Under normal circumstances I'd have cleaned it up (well trained you see, 20 years experience). But this time I thought fuck you you abusive bastard, filled a bin bag with clothes etc and took three dc to my mums where we slept on floors for months.
The defining never go back moment happened a few months later when I moved into a house, I asked for money for the kids. He told me that my financial situation was of my own making. I didn't have to leave

2 weeks after burying my DF, my (still) H told me I'd 'Lost all self respect'. I still don't know what he was getting at!

I was up, washed, dressed and participating with life at the time ( with a bit of 'fake it to make it' in the mix). I'm left wondering if its because I don't wear kitten heels and wear a tight dress and have a continuous gel manicure.

Its the meanest thing he's ever said to me, although there have been red flags over the years.

I am still trying to work out if I want to stay with him, but I certainly have fire in my belly to reignite my career and grab life with both hands.

I now get manicures regularly!

Can you just not go out in your wheelchair because I don't know any of these people and I don't want to be known as the man with the disabled wife.
I'm paralysed, there's no way I can go anywhere if I'm not in my chair.

With exH it was me saying "I'm fed up of walking on eggshells round you all the time". He promptly left.

My father interestingly was almost identical to your ex OP. The minute he wrote on his friends reunited that he had never grown up and was still a teenager (with three grown up kids) I knew I was right to cut him out my life. He was a shit father. And now I knew why.

"I am going to kill you."

Living without him still hurts but there was no way I could stay after that.

I think I may have said it approximately an hour ago, tbh. It wasn't anything memorable, just something like 'well I don't see how there can be any point in continuing this'. I'm just exhausted and I don't see how we can ever get past several huge issues. I told him that I cannot imagine ever telling him anything that matters to me in any way or anything I was worried about (he'd only use it against me).

I've taken DS2 to swim training so I'll see what's happening when I get home.

We're getting a new kitchen fitted starting Monday. :/ Or, more probably, he's getting a new kitchen and I'm looking to rent somewhere super cheap (so I can still pay my half of the mortgage).

" I want to be a woman" whilst wearing my clothes.
We are still technically married and live together( seperate bedrooms) but the relationship is dead.

When one of us screamed at the other 'don't fucking speak to me like that', can't even remember which one of us it was now, and I realised that one of us said that phrase every single day as we were arguing constantly. Took me a little while to leave after that but that was the moment I decided.

Tomato, for you and the Dr who gave you money to keep in your bra

Me : 'You might as well leave'
Him: 'OK then'
After being together for 20 years, two children and new house. He'd had an affair, we were apparently working things through but I looked at him one morning and just knew his heart wasn't in it, he didnt want to be with me anymore

When he said he wouldn't take responsibility for the children any more. Meant I had to leave my new job after 9 months to stay home to look after the children. He moved out a few weeks later. Won't agree to a divorce though.

ArbitaryName .

When he let on that we were both sleeping with other men