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Original poster

DH fancies one of my friends.

349 replies

Delatron · 04/02/2017 19:30

I'm not sure whether to let it go or talk to him about it.

She is more a friend of a friend who we socialise with occasionally. DH becomes much more animated around her, sort of showing off? Spends much longer talking to her than any other of my friends and to be honest I can just tell IYSWIM.

She's happily married as we are (mostly).
It just really annoys me the way he behaves around her but I don't think it would be obvious to other people. I just know him! I don't think he'd ever try it on with her or anything though. Don't think she fancies him back if that matters either.

So do I..
A) Ignore it as some silly crush. Nothing will ever happen so does it actually matter?
B) Talk to him, say I've noticed and it's quite hurtful. He will deny it though and most likely be annoyed.
C) Avoid socialising with them. We are more friends of friends so could potentially just avoid going out when I know she'll be there without it having too much of an effect on our social life. We only only see her roughly every 6 weeks or so.

I know most people in relationships fancy other people and don't act on it. It's just annoying to have it played out in front of my face and he behaves a bit like a school boy and I find it disrespectful to me.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 04/02/2017 19:35

Have you told him this hurts your feelings? I would be really pissed off. It's not very mature behaviour either.

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 19:39

I think he would just deny it! It's only because I know him that I can tell. I don't want to come across as jealous as I don't think that will help or stop him fancying her! He'll just claim he was only talking to her...

It is really pissing me off though..

OP posts:
WussyWat · 04/02/2017 19:39

If it hurts your feelings, absolutely mention it. Maybe then he will realise what he is doing and tone it down. Probably is a crush, marriage doesn't automatically mean you never fancy anyone but your partner again but there's no reason for him to be making it so obvious.

MumBod · 04/02/2017 19:40

Tease him mercilessly.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/02/2017 19:43

Tell him it's laughable, he's making a fool of himself, people are beginning to notice, so knock it on the head Buster. 😡

BrownEyedLady · 04/02/2017 19:46

If it was me I wouldn't focus too much on it. If he starts engineering things so that she's more in your life, I'd worry. But he has just hit it off with another person that you see occasionally and, to me, that is no big deal.

If there are no other behaviours or circumstances that are indicating issues in the fidelity department, I'd let it go and chalk it up to him being a normal human with his natural likes and dislikes.

iMatter · 04/02/2017 19:48

I'm with Sugar. Tell him he's making a tit of himself.

Branleuse · 04/02/2017 19:49

If it was my dp, id mention it

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 19:55

Thanks, yes I am swinging between telling him he is making a fool of himself or just just forgetting about it.

He doesn't engineer any situations to see her more. No signs he would be unfaithful,

Though I do worry other people (including her husband) will notice and then I'll look like an idiot. I may come at it from that angle in a calm measured way.

So say, this is upsetting me, I know you wouldn't do anything but you're making me look like an idiot and it's not on. He'll deny it all though and we'll end up arguing!

OP posts:
Gottabegreat123 · 04/02/2017 20:00

Is she conventionally better looking than you?

AtrociousCircumstance · 04/02/2017 20:02

You'll probably end up arguing but he will have taken it on board and the next time you are socialising with her he will know to be more appropriate.

However if he goes out of his way to show you he can give her as much attention as he wants then you have a problem.

BrownEyedLady · 04/02/2017 20:03

But are you looking like an idiot? You might be looking like a lady secure in her marriage.

Can you check with your mates who were there at the time to see how they're reading it?

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 20:05

Gottabegreat Honestly, we're kind of on a par, depending on what your type is..! but I always suspected he preferred brunettes (I am blonde)! She is pretty though....I would say the most attractive out of all our friends.

OP posts:
BrownEyedLady · 04/02/2017 20:05

Another way to look at this is to imagine she is a man. Run through the events again and see if anything looks a bit odd in that context.

Goingtobeawesome · 04/02/2017 20:07

That makes no sense at all

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 04/02/2017 20:08

Na, fuck it, I'd say something. Probably in a jokey way, gives him the heads up that you've noticed but doesn't make it into a big issue. If he's got any sense, he'll rein it in.

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 20:10

Browneyedlady. I guess the issue is my closest friend who was there is one of her closest friends, so we know each other through this friend but aren't really friends with other. So I think it'll look weird if I ask her. And she may say something to her.

Yes I may not be looking like an idiot, I am
not sure anyone would notice. It's tricky. Just speaks to her slightly longer, acts all animated. She left and he asked where she has gone etc.

They (as part of a group) are coming over for dinner next week. He's normally better when there's only a few of us though. I guess in a pub situation he can get away with sidling off and chatting to her for a while without it seeming strange.

OP posts:
Jenbob13 · 04/02/2017 20:11

Probs not the most mature response but does DH have any attractive friends? If so I would be flicking my hair back, batting lashes and unnecessarily grabbing those biceps (yes I would look a twat I know) then when DH asked me at the end of an eve what the frig I was playing at I would then say oh I do apologise I just assumed this was how we behaved with friends now? Perv boy?

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 20:13

I let it go last time he did this (spent ages talking to her). Then he behaved better for months and I thought he'd got over his crush. It's just it happened last night again and really pissed me off.

I think yes, I just say I've noticed this, I trust you but it's inappropriate so tone it down.

OP posts:
mrsBeverleygoldberg · 04/02/2017 20:15

It's one thing fancying someone famous who you'll never meet, but not anyone in rl. I'd go fucking mental at dh. I do have very low self esteem. A woman tried it on with my dh and he told her no. I fb messaged her and made it clear that she was to stay away. Then I'm ashamed to say I completely lost my shit at dh. He was in no doubt that he should have told me at the time. My reaction may be due to low self esteem and depression. If my dh was flirting with someone else he'd know that it's not okay.Blush

Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 20:16

Jenbob. The funny thing is I do have a slight crush on one of the dads from school (this is making our marriage sound great). What I do is the opposite! I avoid talking to him much or even looking at him! Would hate for his wife to clock it. Though we aren't really friends so not big issue!

Think unfortunately just think I'd lost the plot if I started flirting with his friends, plus they are all married..!

OP posts:
Original poster
Delatron · 04/02/2017 20:17

I think the problem is for an onlooker it wouldn't look like he was flirting. I just know him!

OP posts:
LaPharisienne · 04/02/2017 20:20

I'd laugh at him (in private).

Darlink · 04/02/2017 20:26

I don't think you should say anything.
So he's a bit more animated around her ? I don't see that as making a fool of himself .

You can't stop him fancying other people

Jenbob13 · 04/02/2017 20:29

I can understand why it might not be such a good idea to batter the lashes and grab a married mans arm, you don't want to end up explaining that one to an angry wife lol.

If it was me I would have to approach it with him lightheartedly as I think the alternative would just be me going into meltdown (I am 37 weeks preggers though so due to the whale factor not feeling very sexy lol).

Just maybe a couple of hours before your next meet up just say something like "maybe tone down the lairyness a bit around xxx, its painful to witness". Then he will know that you know that he knows that you know (ooerr!).