DH fancies one of my friends.

[Delatron]

I'm not sure whether to let it go or talk to him about it.

She is more a friend of a friend who we socialise with occasionally. DH becomes much more animated around her, sort of showing off? Spends much longer talking to her than any other of my friends and to be honest I can just tell IYSWIM.

She's happily married as we are (mostly).
It just really annoys me the way he behaves around her but I don't think it would be obvious to other people. I just know him! I don't think he'd ever try it on with her or anything though. Don't think she fancies him back if that matters either.

So do I..
A) Ignore it as some silly crush. Nothing will ever happen so does it actually matter?
B) Talk to him, say I've noticed and it's quite hurtful. He will deny it though and most likely be annoyed.
C) Avoid socialising with them. We are more friends of friends so could potentially just avoid going out when I know she'll be there without it having too much of an effect on our social life. We only only see her roughly every 6 weeks or so.

I know most people in relationships fancy other people and don't act on it. It's just annoying to have it played out in front of my face and he behaves a bit like a school boy and I find it disrespectful to me.

'I consider flirting with OW right in front of my eyes to be a line crossed'.

But the OP has clearly stated that he's not been flirting. There's a big difference between openly flirting (which I agree would be humiliating) and responding in a more animated way.

OP, your last response seems like a good approach. He'll realise you've noticed and hopefully that will be enough to put a stop to it.

Op, other people have probably noticed that your dh fancies this woman, particularly since he is not the flirtatious type.
More importantly I bet she knows that your dh fancies her. Us women just know.
I would definitely mention it to him, but in a calm rather than combative manner.
You really don't want to be the object of pity

I consider flirting with OW right in front of my eyes to be a line crossed

Bloody hell.
She's not the "ow".
He's not flirting.

It sounds like he doesn't realise how obvious he's being and the OP doesn't think other people will have noticed, it's only cos she knows him so well. Sometimes we behave differently around someone we fancy even if we try not to, or especially when we try not to.

Anyfucker, you state as fact that op's friends will have noticed, despite op stating the opposite. How do you know this please?

Then you challenge MargaretBeckett with a totally passive agressive postwhen she dare challenged you

Lovely that you're so strong with your (poor) partners, thanks for reminding us all again

IMO your incessant man hating posting in this board generally does far more harm than good and this is the perfect example.

Talk about making a mountain out of a molehill as 85% of the other posters on here concur.

OP with clear slight jealously issues asking for advice dealing with slightly flirty DH and your standard response, LTB (and a load of hubris about yourself)

You do it your way, claire

Well said, Claire.

I don't get any "hubris". All I get is folk like you seeing my posts as some sort of challenge to your way of life.

It's hardly "man hating" to remind women they are not obliged to tolerate male behaviour that makes them uncomfortable. Neither is it "marriage wrecking"....the blokes are doing that all by themselves.

If you have noticed then you can bet your life that her husband has. It's really cringily embarrassing, both for you and him. I would definitely say something before they come round for dinner. Would you be happy with this behaviour in your own house with your close friends witnessing it? What if her DH pulls him up about it? It's very clear when someone fancies someone else especially in a small group of friends. Incredibly disrespectful to you.

Also there's a massive difference between thinking a celebrity is attractive and fancying your mates wife

Agreed XiCi. That's completely different. I wouldn't care less if my OH was perving over a celebrity but when it's someone who's sat right next to me the line has been crossed.

At the end of the day it's all about respect and decency.

If someone is going to make it obvious they havr the hots for somebody else and flirt with him in front of their partner then clearly they do not have respect for them.

My DH fancied one of my best friends for a bit, it was really obvious to me but not anyone else.

He would never have acted on it. Most certainly never did. I just told him that I had the feeling he fancied someone didn't mention any names and said maybe best to avoid them for awhile while they stopped feeling like that. He did , now and a year later he no longer fancies her (very obviously) and all is back to normal.

I've also fancied a couple of friends and made sure that I avoid them til it passes, after 17 years together it's going to happen!

If he's not flirting then what exactly is the problem? Talking in an animated way is certainly not something that I'd expect my wife to pull me up on, it just seems like a massive over reaction and PP describing the female friend as the OW or saying that mutual friends have noticed just fuels the OP's insecurities.

I think that some PP need to reel the hyperbole in a bit.

I'd definitely mention it. I'd either take the piss or do it more seriously depending on how you usually communicate. You don't have to be heavy handed about it about, just a quick 'you quite like X, don't you?' should suffice. I expect if he realises you've noticed he'll be embarrassed enough about it to quit it, and rightly so.

Just before the next get together, I'd say, "By the way love, stop dribbling all over , people are noticing". That should stop him in his tracks.

'It's really cringily embarrassing, both for you and him'.

But nowhere does the OP describe feeling embarrassed by his actions. Discomfort, yes. You seem to be ascribing her with feelings that don't exist.

Claire I agree with much of what you said.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, on here. It's not an ANYFUCKER bashing thread. I agree, the friends will be aware, if DELATRON herself is.
These people are good friends, who socialise together often.

Shining a spotlight on male behaviour and telling women they don't have to tolerate it often gets me a "bashing" sugar

And in this context, onion, "OW" means other women not the other woman. But you knew that.

To be fair, I've never seen OW used in that context on here before AF.

How difficult is it to work out, really?

Like I said, I've never seen it OW used in that context before, consider me enlightened.

Why you couldn't just type friend like anybody else I'll never know.

I agree, the friends will be aware, if DELATRON herself is.

Not true, because the friends don't know her DH the way she does.

I can tell when my DH is upset with someone, others don't clock onto it like I do.

Then today was a first for you, onion. I hope you have many more.