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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband has been using adultswork.com.

179 replies

Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 14:19

i have just found out my husband has been on adultswork web site why I picked up his I pad I will never know. I logged on as him and I am absolutely deverstated. he was getting e mails and sent his phone number to a working girl.
he claims he never turned up for the appointment and it was just the thrill
there were at least 4 girls he was in contact with.
I really really want to believe he never went to the meeting but I just cant
get passed it. he swears he never went
should I believe him how can I get proof. at this moment in time I am hardly functioning he was the last person I thought would do this.he has deleted his account with them and cant say sorry enough but it just makes it worse appologies just don't cut it.

OP posts:
PopcornBits · 23/01/2017 14:23

He is probably lying to you.
All men go into this panic mode when confronted with their wrong doing. He is of course going to say anything and everything to try and make you believe it was nothing more.

The problem is, he has already crossed the line, hasn't he? Whether he slept with somebody or not, the sheer fact he's made contact with other women for sexual satisfaction should be more than enough to end the relationship.
If you stay with him you will forever question his love for you and you will always question your trust for him.
It will be torture.

Save yourself the emotional torture and end it now.

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 14:24

No sorry, I'd believe it as I see it, he must have met at least one of them, if not all four; I'd not believe you'd go to that extent and not turn up.

He's deleted all evidence now.

TheNaze73 · 23/01/2017 14:31

This will be either one of two things.

Cheap wank fodder or he's cheating on you.

I'd like to think it was the former

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 14:31

I truly want to believe him but I know he is lying it is breaking my heart

OP posts:
Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 14:33

the naze that is excatley what he said it was just for wanking off

OP posts:
RogueStar01 · 23/01/2017 14:39

even if it were just the former, contacting people and arranging appointments is low-life behaviour that I would not personally find acceptable or get past-able myself.

Newbrummie · 23/01/2017 15:07

Hes lying, there's plenty of wank material out there aside if this site.

Ilovecaindingle · 23/01/2017 15:12

Get yourself to the sti clinic. . Tell him they think I they have found something and watch his face crumble. ...

cedge · 23/01/2017 15:16

Unfortunately, it does not look good.

Not conclusive proof of cheating, but definitely can not be ignored.

Jaysis · 23/01/2017 15:17

They would have blocked him as a time waster if he kept making appointments 'for the thrill' and not showing up.

Whichever way you look at it, it doesn't really matter why he was making appointments with prostitutes. Ringing and making an appointment is beyond what's acceptable in a marriage. There are thousands of ways to enjoy a wank without engaging in behaviour that threatens your marriage.

If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

scottishdiem · 23/01/2017 15:25

I am usually less keen to jump in with the "he has been cheating on you" line but in this case, with that website, with the messages being exchanged including booking an appointment then he has been.

If he wanted the thrill then he could have "booked" someone at the other end of the country and pretended to be on a business trip or something. A local advertiser. No. On that site you can buy access to more images but there is far higher quality porn available for free out there.

Can you remember the date he booked - can you see a cash withdrawl on that day/day before?

I am so sorry.

xStefx · 23/01/2017 15:25

I agree with Ilovecaindingle - Say you made an apt with STI clinic (might actually want to do that) , tell him they have found something. Tell him if he tries to blame you for getting it yourself that there's no going back.
Then see if he admits it xx sorry OP

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 15:29

yes ive got the dates in my head cant get them out. I don't have access to his bank account. so couldn't check that

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 23/01/2017 15:34

I'm sure if he did visit, he used a condom, so the sti clinic would not work.

I'd agree though making appointments with prostitutes would indicate to me he went, it would be very weird for him to make appointments and not go. Maybe once, but talking to four girls indicates to me he's a regular. I'm sorry.

Your choice if you can accept that or if it's over for you.

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 15:36

I'd imagine an escort would ensure he wore a condom; these are working girls, they'd not be risking their health.

What a mess, just don't know how you are ever going to discover the truth.

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 15:36

might sound very nieve but I hadn't thought about him being a regular
I just cant bear it

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/01/2017 15:41

You know he gave his phone number to at least one of these escorts, how the hell is that just being curious, the intent is there OP, work on that if you have nothing else and tell him to go, at least until you can get over the shock and decide in a rational mind if you want to continue with him.

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 15:53

going to ask to see bank statements tonight

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/01/2017 15:56

You won't see anything there OP, they normally work cash only.

Imaginesthat · 23/01/2017 15:58

Could still say sti because you can get things from oral sex ..

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 15:58

he will have drawn money out around the dates. he doesn't usually use cash so could be a start you think?

OP posts:
RogueStar01 · 23/01/2017 16:00

if you did see that it'd be a smoking gun but the lack of it wouldn't prove anything in my mind, he could be withdrawing cash on a credit card so you'd need to see those statements and see what's being paid off on his CC too. Sorry op, sounds horrid. tbh, think long about whether the contact with the escorts is sufficient to end it.

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 16:06

the thing is I am not thinking straight and cant talk to anyone it is so embarrassing to admit. and the thing you guys have been posting hadn't even entered my head feel like I have been a push over to trusting.

OP posts:
essieestherson · 23/01/2017 16:12

My husband has done exactly the same thing last year. Same website. Lots of messages.

He says the same thing too, that he did not turn up and it was just for the thrill of talking to someone real.

The bank statements show that he took £100 each time... he still maintains that he didn't go through with it.

Even with all the evidence it is still so hard to know what to believe as there is no way to prove that they actually went!

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I decided to stay and give him another chance and although he has been trying so hard and things have improved I am still really messed up from it all.

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:14

Don't you have a good friend you can confide in, I'd be going out my mind keeping it quiet, go and see your friend, you need support and I'd not listen to him for now OP.