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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

husband has been using adultswork.com.

179 replies

Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 14:19

i have just found out my husband has been on adultswork web site why I picked up his I pad I will never know. I logged on as him and I am absolutely deverstated. he was getting e mails and sent his phone number to a working girl.
he claims he never turned up for the appointment and it was just the thrill
there were at least 4 girls he was in contact with.
I really really want to believe he never went to the meeting but I just cant
get passed it. he swears he never went
should I believe him how can I get proof. at this moment in time I am hardly functioning he was the last person I thought would do this.he has deleted his account with them and cant say sorry enough but it just makes it worse appologies just don't cut it.

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:19

Thing is, you've seen the emails, I assume you never saw any that had been cancelled, did you take a copy of the emails?

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 16:26

its probably down to what we want to believe Essie so sorry you have been through the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 16:29

don't think they were cancelled I am not computer savy but I went into everything on that site that opened and it was the in/out convos.
I actually feel sick thinking of them. but the last one was with his number on it also one had her number on it. and no I didn't take the number
I just melted like a snowflake

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:31

So sorry for you, I'm afraid I'd have to believe he did it; there's nothing telling me otherwise, can he show you that he cancelled the meet up (s)?

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 16:32

I never asked that to be honest but it is something I will ask tonight

OP posts:
Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:33

If you don't want to work on the premise that something did happen then look to what you do believe, that he went as far as setting up an account with not one but four prostitutes, is that not bad enough to kick him out? You need to tell a friend too, don't keep his dirty secret, the only person that is benefiting is him, not you.

You now know what he is capable of, you need space from him, especially if he is trying to manipulate you into believing it was just for a thrill - bad enough in my book never mind any meet up.

essieestherson · 23/01/2017 16:38

Thanks, to be honest I think it's pretty obvious that my husband (and probably yours) has definitely been to his appointments... I was pregnant at the time and it just made it harder to leave.

Every time I read these things all the men involved seem to come up with the same lies and the same excuses.

I would definitely speak to someone, I told friends and my mum as it's good to get others perspectives and support, made things a little easier.

Patriciathestripper1 · 23/01/2017 16:40

If you want to wank buy a porn magazine or go on the many free porn sites,
If you want a guaranteed shag call an escort/prostitute.

Sorry OP but I think he is lying too.

No one gives out their number unless they want to arrange contact. I think he is lying too.

Original poster
Maryagness19 · 23/01/2017 16:41

it sad but I don't have anybody close enough to talk to. I lost mum this time last year that why I come on here to get some different points which has been very helfull. how can you get it out your mind I just keep getting flashes of what he wanted to do then it rips me up again,.

OP posts:
TheTantrumCometh · 23/01/2017 16:44

Essie Flowers

It would be very easy for me to say LTB. I would in the same situation but it depends on where you draw the line. For me, it's way passed it that he decided to message them in the first place, wank fodder or not.

But I'm not you and I don't have to live with the realities of the situation. All I would say is this; you do not need concrete proof to leave him. If you don't believe him you don't need to go out of your way to prove it, though I know that would obviously help you come to terms with things if you knew the whole truth. Or if you're unhappy that he's contacted them full stop. You do not need to stay, you do not need to justify yourself.

I say that because I see so many women burying their feelings and just getting on with things because they don't have the evidence they feel they need.

I would also second what others have said on here about confiding in someone for some rl support. Flowers

Meeep · 23/01/2017 16:45

Funnily I've never heard of men talking about the massive thrill of booking appointments with prostitutes and not going to them.
Except when they're caught by their wives, going to see prostitutes.

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:45

So are you kicking him out?

TheTantrumCometh · 23/01/2017 16:45

Oh Mary so x-posted with you.

I'm so sorry about your mum

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 16:53

So by your last message, do the emails reveal the conversation he had with escort, what he wants sexually?

RogueStar01 · 23/01/2017 16:57

personally i don't think you need court room levels of proof. He was in contact with escorts, he made appointments, I hope I'd have the strength to kick him out, I'm sorry to hear you've no RL support and your DM has gone, at the very least you should start some hobbies and make some RL friends, whatever you do with your 'D'P, friends really improve the quality of life even if there are some things it's easier to say online.

essieestherson · 23/01/2017 17:06

Meeep, that's a good point

Newbrummie · 23/01/2017 17:14

Stop digging for evidence it'll do you no good.

Mindfuckdailymailisshit · 23/01/2017 17:20

So sorry you're going through this OP. A few weeks ago I found condoms and viagra in two of my husbands bags. He insists he only "thought about" sex with someone else. I don't believe him but I know he'll never tell me the truth .I alternate between living life fairly normally to suffering terrible flashes of intense emotion imagining him having sex with other women. It's truly painful and I feel for you.

AnyFucker · 23/01/2017 17:22

what you already know to be fact would be more than enough for me to end it immediately, no more questions asked

You don't need pathetic sleazy fuckers like this in your life

AnyFucker · 23/01/2017 17:23

Mindfuck if you don't believe him why are you/is he still there ? Confused

Newbrummie · 23/01/2017 17:25

I found lube and massage oil in my ex's overnight bag, he explained it away as being the little samples they give you in hotel rooms, you know to give yourself a massage with and lube yourself up 😂😂😂
The shit they come out with is mind blowing

Mindfuckdailymailisshit · 23/01/2017 17:30

AnyFucker I've got a thread on relationships I started in November and I've updated it last week. It's not always possible to immediately LTB.....

Mindfuckdailymailisshit · 23/01/2017 17:33

Newbrummie yes apparently my husband pressed the wrong button and got condoms by mistake Hmm
He finally admitted he "wanted to have sex" with someone but had no one in particular in mind and "he didn't go through with it"
Amazing what they come up with

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 17:34

Mind: what's stopping you, he's clearly cheated on you.

Adora10 · 23/01/2017 17:34

Amazing, that you women stay with these arseholes who are not worth a fuck, you do realise by staying and listening to all that crap you are basically saying you are stupid.