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Original poster

Dating: should the man pay?

360 replies

PutneyPandora · 18/01/2017 18:29

Hi,
I've been out of the dating game for a while but wondered in the very early stages of dating should you let the man pay for drinks and dinner, go Dutch or offer to pay something towards the bill?
I don't want to come across as a cheapskate but equally don't want to come across like I expect him to pay.
Male or female opinions welcome!
ThanksSmile

OP posts:
isseywithcats · 18/01/2017 18:40

first date arrange a coffee meet and offer to pay for your own coffee or tea, if it progresses to a meal afterwards offer to pay for your own meal some guys will accept some guys will insist on paying for the meal, if they pay for the meal you pay for the 1st drink to go with the meal thats what i always did when i was single

rumred · 18/01/2017 18:47

I am always amazed that women expect equality but men to pay? Is it only me who sees the hypocrisy?

NotAMamaYet · 18/01/2017 18:48

Definitely go Dutch. No question about it IMO

MadHattersWineParty · 18/01/2017 18:50

You earn, he earns, you split the bill- it's a no-brainier surely!

If it progresses it's nice to 'treat' eachother now and then, but only if you both take turns at it.

jeaux90 · 18/01/2017 18:51

Definitely split!

MsStricty · 18/01/2017 18:51

Please pay your half.

iremembericod · 18/01/2017 18:54

why would you even consider that a man had to pay for you?

Newbrummie · 18/01/2017 18:55

They pay. The only man who has ever asked me to "go Dutch" was my ex husband .... signs were there from day one

iremembericod · 18/01/2017 18:56

Unless your dating site of choice is sugardaddy.com

WTAF2016 · 18/01/2017 18:57

Why on earth would 2 people not split the bill down the middle?

MadHattersWineParty · 18/01/2017 18:58

yes, if it's an entirely different kind of 'date', they pay....

Chloe84 · 18/01/2017 18:59

I don't want to come across as a cheapskate but equally don't want to come across like I expect him to pay.

Aren't these two points the same thing?

Definitely always offer to pay half. You could make this easier by having right amount of cash (I try to have tenners and fivers) so there is no faffing with credit cards or change.

If he does pay, tell him you'll get the next one. And mean it.

Having said that, despite all my best efforts, DH wouldn't let me pay a penny. Now that we're married he likes me to pay sometimes, even though it's from the joint account.

ImperialBlether · 18/01/2017 19:03

This thread comes up every few months and always ends badly.

HorridHenryrule · 18/01/2017 19:06

You should always offer to pay for your own food. You don't want him to think that you're too expensive for his wallet. Men know and understand that women want equality. You have to show that you are strong and can take care of yourself. Especially at a time like this when we are moving towards a hard Brexit.

AyeAmarok · 18/01/2017 19:11

You pay half, especially in early dating.

If you really like him and he insists, like actually insists, then you make sure you pay for all of the second date if there is one.

Primadonnagirl · 18/01/2017 19:11

Horrid I've had a lousy day but your responses made me laugh and cheered me up! I'm going to be chuckling all evening!

Primadonnagirl · 18/01/2017 19:14

In fact that bit about a hard Brexit is going to be my standard response now to silly questions. Bit like " Don't you know there's a war on?!"

OP - Pay up no question and no pathetic " offer" either. Don't be a meanie ( also one of my catchphrases)

egginacup · 18/01/2017 19:15

Always take your turn buying rounds and always offer to pay half. However, if he insists on paying and you like him, accept graciously and say you'll get the next one.

Butterfly2020 · 18/01/2017 19:17

I would always offer to pay...

But I wouldn't end up being that into him if he didn't offer to pay for me at least.

I like a gentleman, I'm very old school in a lot of ways though.

My current partner paid for everything on our first date, he asked me prior to our date if I minded that he paid for it all...and well, I didn't.

He wanted to court me, so I let him court me.

yep I did say I am old school

hugoagogo · 18/01/2017 19:17

Is this a joke? I don't get it?

TheNaze73 · 18/01/2017 19:21

Horrid is absolutely right.

Hard Brexit is the game changer here

UnicornButtplug · 18/01/2017 19:21

You pay your half. If he absolutely insists then you buy the drinks or pay for the second date.

Both earning a wage, both have bills to pay......

Mysterycat23 · 18/01/2017 19:22

I'm going to go against the grain here. Early in dating the man should pay. Not because he's buying the woman's company or some patriarchal dominance, but just because it's what a gentleman does, spends his hard earned cash on a woman he has romantic feelings for. It's symbolic of his affection that he just wants to treat you and buy you nice things. A man who wants to split the bill early on in dating is a massive red flag!

If you feel guilty about him paying or think he can't afford it then just make sure you suggest cheaper places to eat out or order the less expensive items on the menu - obv don't mention you're worried about his finances! By suggesting cheaper date venues you show respect for him.

All being well there will be plenty of opprtunities to split the bill later on in the relationship.

Butterfly2020 · 18/01/2017 19:26

I'm completely agree -mysterycat23

RingOfFire79 · 18/01/2017 19:29

No, you shouldn't. You should expect to pay your share and go dutch. I have dated a fair bit and this always goes down well.

I know I'm lucky enough to be financially independent, but I would also feel uneasy about accepting something off someone just because they were a man and I was a woman - in the same way I'd feel bad about taking a seat a man offered me on public transport (I politely decline while smiling at them to let them know that I appreciate the gesture).

IMO, the one exception would be if he takes you to somewhere he knows is out of your price range (and if he clearly earns significantly more than you). I would still offer a few times to split at the end but if he insists, then I would take him up on it. Hopefully the date will be going well and you can then offer to (and make sure to) pay for the next date. Or you could offer to buy a round of drinks after this one. I would also then text thank you once you got home, personally.