Dating: should the man pay?

[PutneyPandora]

Hi,
I've been out of the dating game for a while but wondered in the very early stages of dating should you let the man pay for drinks and dinner, go Dutch or offer to pay something towards the bill?
I don't want to come across as a cheapskate but equally don't want to come across like I expect him to pay.
Male or female opinions welcome!
Thanks

I'm sorry Shatners, I shouldn't have been so rude. But I maintain that the idea of a woman staying home with three young children in order to avoid work is completely ludicrous.

And yes, MadHatters - I am banged to rights on the 'farming out' comment too.

Interesting what you say, Cockacidal, about some men not wanting to pay but doing so because of societal pressure. Still don't understand what him paying has to do with my strength and intelligence though. Can you explain?

I think the advice to not plan a second date if they don't offer to go halves is very good for either sex. Sets the tone of the relationship and if they are looking for an equal or a walking cash point.

I knew a woman who paid £850 a month on child minder fees. All she had left was £150 take home. Is it really worth all that for £150 and she worked full time. Another mum who waits for child to be in school goes back to work and earns exactly the same as her. I am a SAHM I am using this time to study for when I can return back to work. That's for another thread and has nothing to do with dating.

'Oh so you do advise your daughter expat - you know, before you leave her to make up her own mind. How very interfering of you.'

Because she's 11, Barbarian.

'I think the advice to not plan a second date if they don't offer to go halves is very good for either sex. '

I agree, Sheldon. Just offer to pay for yours. Half is BS if one person orders half the menu + drinks and you had water, a cheap main and nothing else. Causes problems even among friends as seen on so many threads here. Don't see why anyone should subsidise the meal of someone they hardly know.

That's what people mean expat I don't think people are stupid to actually go halves. Pay for your own meal and drink or cinema tickets.

'That's what people mean expat I don't think people are stupid to actually go halves. '

Plenty are saying go halves, 50/50 all the way.

A man treating his date as a woman

What is that exactly?

A man who treated me as a woman would not be "insisting" on paying if I offered to pay half. He would be expecting that I meant what I said, because that's what women do.

If I found myself on a date with a very inconsiderate person who ate or drank extremely differently to me I might insist on paying only for my own share, but it's unlikely that would happen because I wouldn't be going for dinner for a first date - I'd only be going for drinks (and then I would buy us a drink each even if his were more expensive than mine).

I think it boils down to context:

OLD? 50/50, failing which take it in turns. Would also expect first date to be casual and so affordable

Someone you aready know offers to 'take you' out to dinner? I'd expect them to pay. I might offer.

Once you establish you're seeing each other / exclusive, it depends if there's an obvious & significant disparity in disposable income. In that case I'd expect higher earner (male or female) to pay more often or for more expensive dates.

Keeping activities to stuff lower earner could afford only would also be a red flag for me (again once you've decided you want to pursue a relationship, not for the first few coffees). I say that because I knew a couple like that. At first she thought he was trying to make her comfortable. Fast forward a few years, she's on a low income, paying rent in a flat (in his name) and only able to go 'out' when she can afford stuff 'her half'. Literally if she couldn't afford steak dinner, she'd stay home and he's go out for dinner with friends who could afford it. So yeah, spongeing is an unattractive trait, but early meanness is also a glaring red flag.