Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH furious after Christmas

162 replies

peckishbabysitter · 27/12/2016 22:09

We've just had my parents to stay for 4days over xmas. DCs had a lovely time; I worked very hard; DH was civil but often silent. He clearly thought he had behaved well but when he asked me outright I told him that his irritation has been very clear. Now he is furious - says he will only see my parents for bare minimum amount of time next year.

I know we see far more of my family than he would choose. I try to moderate it (e.g. Take kids to see them without him) but it is still too much for him. My DCs completely love them and have no idea there is conflict.

What the fuck should I do now?! I actually feel we could split over this even tho I love him and he's a loving dad. He refused to talk to me just now and I think I'll sleep in the spare room. No idea how to approach things tomorrow. Any thoughts?!!

OP posts:
MapMyMum · 27/12/2016 22:11

Do you see your parents more than his?

OohhThatsMe · 27/12/2016 22:12

I think most people would find 4 days far too long if they didn't really get on well with their in laws. You must have seen several threads on here where people are beside themselves at having guests for such a long time - even guests they really like.

How far away do your family live?

fc301 · 27/12/2016 22:13

What is it that irritates him?

bloodyteenagers · 27/12/2016 22:13

Often silent - one word answers. No jabbering on constantly.. Only making conversation when someone starts?
Is he
Normally very talkative or does he usually take a back seat?

FlouncingInAWinterWonderland · 27/12/2016 22:14

There must be a lot of back story here.

Did you feel you needed to correct him on his behaviour or was the conversation already going down the disagreement route?

Irritation was clear, reads that maybe he huffed and puffed and made them unwelcome. Or was he just quiet and kept a little too much to himself but not outwardly intentionally rude?

You're angry but can you nail specifically what was wrong?

ScarletForYa · 27/12/2016 22:15

I'd go bonkers with visitors for four days.

Mirandawest · 27/12/2016 22:16

Refusing to talk to you is not good behaviour on his part. What were his problems with your parents visit do you think?

nethunsreject · 27/12/2016 22:16

Definitely a back story here. How do you feel about your parents in all this? And your dp?

Doje · 27/12/2016 22:17

Why does he not like your parents?

Imknackeredzzz · 27/12/2016 22:17

I'd hate my inlaws for 4 days- God poor him

Gazelda · 27/12/2016 22:18

Four days is a long time to spend in the company of visitors. Especially over the Christmas period when you're probably all cooped up indoors for most of the time.

Was he out and out rude to them?

Does it matter that he intends to only see them the bare minimum next year? Do they live far or do visits necessitate overnight stays?

GetTheeBehindMeSanta · 27/12/2016 22:19

Four days is a long stretch for a Christmas visit. No matter how pleasant and helpful the visitors, I think everyone craves some quiet private time with their immediate family.

bluebeck · 27/12/2016 22:20

Agree with PP 4 days with inlaws would make me stabby.

What's the back story?

Original poster
peckishbabysitter · 27/12/2016 22:20

His parents are dead. He is irritated because they are old and sometimes say silly things or get in the way. I didn't try to 'correct' him but when he asked me upfront I wasn't going to lie.

OP posts:
KeptOnRaining · 27/12/2016 22:21

Is he like ths when other people stay or just your parents?

Objectively, what are your parents like?

LotsOfShoes · 27/12/2016 22:21

4 days is not that long and he was being extremely rude. They're your parents!! Is there a massive backstory here? To be honest, if DH were to try and make me distance myself from my parents, that would be a deal breaker.

Original poster
peckishbabysitter · 27/12/2016 22:21

They live several hours' drive away

OP posts:
LotsOfShoes · 27/12/2016 22:22

What silly things do they say?

KeptOnRaining · 27/12/2016 22:23

Before they got 'old' what was his relationship like with them?

CocoaX · 27/12/2016 22:24

I think it is fine if he only wants to see your parents bare minimum. What is not fine would be telling you when you can see them. He can organise his time separately for the duration of visits, i would have thought

BlueNeighbourhood · 27/12/2016 22:25

Maybe he's jealous he still has that relationship and closeness with your parents and his aren't around anymore? You having your parents there for so long just reminds him of what it'd be like if his parents were around too. And so he's upset/different around them.

happychristmasbum · 27/12/2016 22:25

Yes what "silly things"

Mildly irritating things?

Racist/homophobic things?

Unutterably rude things?

You aren't giving us much to go on OP.......

Jayfee · 27/12/2016 22:26

I just had my lovely children and parents for 4 days. But I go out, they go out etc so we have a break from each other. I think your dh might be due some understanding. 4 days is very long for an all together family christmss

leaveittothediva · 27/12/2016 22:26

I mean, what's his problem with them, do they all not like each other?. He presumably knew they were coming?. Is he antisocial?. He's an adult, but why he feels it necessary to ask you if he behaved alright, is beyond me, unless he's going through some psychosis, he would surely know that he was irritated that they were there and behaved like a twat. I'd leave him at home and go to their house, if he doesn't want to see people, because I wouldn't be arsed putting up with a sulky bollocks in the corner. Maybe do this next year.

PleaseDoNotTagMe · 27/12/2016 22:27

I'm really aware of not putting my dh in a position where he is overwhelmed by the time we spend with my family. He deserves to enjoy himself at Christmas just as much as I do. I don't want him to have to be 'on' all the time. Maybe he can't relax as they aren't his family.

We spent Christmas Day at home with my family and dh didn't watch the Christmas film with us in the afternoon. Then yesterday we went to my sisters house in two cars so he could go home when he wanted. He ended up staying as long as we did though.