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Original poster

Feeling a little bit down in the dumps about my lack of a love life...

437 replies

pinkmusicstand · 25/10/2016 18:43

I'm a 35 year old single mum to a five year old DD. Split up with her dad when I found out I was pregnant however it was all a bit complicated as we had occasional 'reunions' until she was about a year old and I said enough and finally cut it all off.

Ex is now happily coupled up with a new girlfriend, which I'm totally OK about. No feelings between us anymore, so not at all complicated.

I've had a couple of short term relationships since then, lasting no more than 6 months.

I find it difficult to meet new men. I've tried OLD but haven't got anywhere with it. Most of the men I meet in RL are married/coupled up. I have had lots of crushes on men, even if they are single I don't think they even know I exist. I am unbelievably horny all of the time.

I just don't think it's going to happen for me. I don't think I'll ever meet someone nice. The type of guys who do express interest are usually weirdos/creeps/in relationships. Am dismayed why I attract these types and not a normal, nice single guy.

I never get asked out. I think I'm OK looking, am reasonably intellegent (have a degree and currently doing an MA), kind, caring etc. I think I'm a nice person. I just don't seem to be able to meet someone who thinks the same.

Don't really know why I'm posting, I guess just to get it off my chest. Feeling a bit down about it all at the moment. This idea that I will be left on the shelf for ever.

OP posts:
IamalsoSpartacus · 25/10/2016 18:50

May I join you on the shelf? I had to call it off with a new guy because he overstepped my boundaries and now I really miss having someone to chat to in the evening :(

No advice, just sympathy.

Original poster
pinkmusicstand · 25/10/2016 19:13

Hi, Iam yes of course you can join me on the shelf Smile It's nice to have the company!

I also left one of my short term relationships for the same reason. No point carrying on if they don't respect your boundaries. Sounds like you made the right decision. I also sympathize about missing his company. That is something I miss, being able to share your day with someone at the end of the day.

OP posts:
ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 25/10/2016 19:26

I know what you mean about attracting the wrong types - I seem to have a gift for it! Sleazy, married, too old, too young, after one thing - I'm a magnet for twats. Its waking in the night that gets to me most - those 4am moments when I just wish there was someone beside me.

Shift over on that shelf....

dublingirl48653 · 25/10/2016 19:29

yikes think I will join you all

but I know I need to work on myself in order to then really start looking and not settling for any more BS

so any tips on how to start valuing yourself and not accepting crap would be gratefully appreciated xxx

ItShouldHaveBeenJess · 25/10/2016 19:45

dublin Me too. Have a look at 'Why Men Love Bitches'. Scary stuff if you're a bit of a softie, but makes sense.

Funnylady123 · 25/10/2016 21:35

Hope there's room on the shelf for me! No chance of ever meeting anyone as don't want to do old, and have kids full time so no social life and no chance of meeting someone through work. It saddens me so much.

roverman75 · 25/10/2016 22:31

Is there any room on the shelf for a lone father? I can't seem to find anybody who's interested

Myusernameismyusername · 25/10/2016 22:34

God you miserable bunch Grin

Come on you won't meet people who are good for you unless you get off the shelf and have a positive outlook.

I'm single and there is no shelf unless you choose to sit on it.

There really is so many other things you can do to enjoy yourself and feel good, social activities and friends should be central to this.

You all have amazing little people to raise so don't go feeling all worthless maybe it just isn't quite the right time, and that time will come one day

1DAD2KIDS · 25/10/2016 23:45

Go on then squeeze me on that shelf too. No real practical advice but just to say your not alone (as you can see from the replys). Being in your 30s and a single parent is just not very conducive to dating. Plus as I am sure as many will vouch for OLD is a minefield and very draining. Just hang in there. There must be one or two goodens in the man heap. (Or get cats, lots and lots of cats).

twolinesplease · 26/10/2016 00:22

Is there any space for me to sit??
40+ single and I hate it. I'm so lonely and bored with my own company. I'm not long out of a LTR and missing that companionship.
Hopefully the next poster will have some good tips on how we can turn our love lives around
Chocolate ChocolateChocolate for everyone until sexual antics have resumed. Wink

TryingNotToWaddle · 26/10/2016 00:26

No good tips sorry Blush
Make room on this shelf for me too though.
Also in my 30s and a single parent of soon to be 2.

LIttleTripToHeaven · 26/10/2016 06:41

I hope this is a big shelf...

Same boat. All the men I meet are too young, too old, too married... It's only ever married men who show any interest. Would seem I'm good enough to be someone's bit on the side (judging by the number who try!) but not good enough for a single man.

TheNaze73 · 26/10/2016 08:07

You're still so young OP.

Get yourself, off of the shelf & live your life. Yes, the older you get, the harder it will be to meet someone if you're that way inclined however, you're doing the right thing in not just accepting second best. Good luck

grobagsforever · 26/10/2016 08:07

I'm 36, have a two and six year old full time, also work full time. I found a good 'Un through online dating. Agree it's a miserable process but thirties is such a dead age for dating as everyone is is in LTR that OLD is by far the best option. There is no shelf unless you choose to sit on it.

1DAD2KIDS · 26/10/2016 08:24

Can't believe how many married men. That must be an anti climax. To be fair I have talked to some women who are in relationships or are openly polyamorous. But never had one that has lied about being married/in a relationship. But that is to complicated and messy for my liking. My main problem is when I actually meet one I like we either can never find a time when we are both kids free or a is often the case (80%) they are looking for a long term relationship and I am not (often even when they say they are not looking for anything serious turns out they are). I had one desperately try and convince me I actually wanted a long term thing and we would be great raising our kids together as a nice little family. Would not accept that I didnt want anything serious. That just after a few chats online. Very odd and we never met. Shame because before she started getting full on and planning our future together I really liked her. Also it's almost impossible to get the house to my self and likewise for them due to kids.

Funnylady123 · 26/10/2016 08:51

Wow, so great to hear I am not alone. I think I know it is pointless trying to meet soemone as never have child free time. Still would be nice to have someone to chat to and have adult conversation with occasionally.

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/10/2016 08:57

I am with myusername make a life that is a good single life as I certain this makes you more attractive. I built this life over 4 years and then suddenly happened on a really lovely man. I think part of the attraction for both of us is that we both have good 'single' lives.

LIttleTripToHeaven · 26/10/2016 09:18

What does making a good single life mean?

I'm 41, I've been mostly single for 4 years. I work full time in a career that requires me to do a fair bit of work at home; I have friends who I go out with, for weekends away, concerts, etc; I go out on my own to things if I want to; I have a couple of hobbies, one of which is pretty good for meeting people through, and I do.

I think I have a pretty good 'single' life. But it doesn't make any difference.

I think I've realised that I'm just not what decent single men of my age are looking for, tbh. I need to find a way to accept it's never going to happen and put it out of my mind completely.

TheNaze73 · 26/10/2016 09:34

It's sad LittleTrip I have no idea why the majority of men of your age, want someone at least 10 years younger. You'd have thought they could do without the hassle

LIttleTripToHeaven · 26/10/2016 09:41

No, I don't know why either, Naze.

Well, I do, I just don't know what that's such a problem for men.

DoctorTwo · 26/10/2016 09:41

I got to the acceptance stage at the beginning of the year. Single for 4 years and most women my age are in relationships. The single ones are either not looking or want a man who isn't me. :o At least I never have to apologise for leaving the loo seat up!

LIttleTripToHeaven · 26/10/2016 09:44

How old are you, Doctor?

I forgot to add that I do occasionally encounter Nice Guys. They're quite an insidious bunch!

Myusernameismyusername · 26/10/2016 10:08

But why does our fulfilment have to hinge on another person?

Myusernameismyusername · 26/10/2016 10:09

As in can't you talk to your friends if you need adult conversation does it have to be a bloke?

Stormtreader · 26/10/2016 10:16

Because feeling loved and close to someone is a basic human drive? Having someone you can share all the little things in life with, and share theirs? Why would anyone bother with relationships otherwise!

I see the value in "you need to be happy in your own life" but its a bit annoying to have (usually coupled-up) people make out like its unreasonable to want and be sad that you dont have this thing that most people around you have.

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