Myusername I don't think wanting a younger woman has anything to do with wanting a second family in many cases.
It's also often to do with what they feel they 'deserve'. They are worried about their mates thinking they can only attract an "older woman". I was dating a man when I turned 40. His attitude towards me changed noticeably after my birthday, it was really puzzling at the time until he revealed that he was finding it difficult to come to terms with dating an older woman. He was older than me. I dumped him.
My ex husband also thought he 'deserved' someone younger. And told me so when he was online dating himself about 18 months after we'd split and I was talking to him about his profile/what he was looking for.
We all do it to an extent. When I look at profile pics of men in their 60s I think, "ew, no way, he's so old!!" or whatever. But I won't always think that. 10 years ago I wouldn't have been interested in 50 year old men, and now I am (well, have been). That is the reaction men are having to women the same age as themselves.
And when I was late 30s, I was saying exactly what you were saying. Exactly. But when you cross that 10 into your 40s, it's suddenly not your choice anymore. I remember reading things about it getting more difficult for women over 40 and I used to think, "how ridiculous! Exactly how is it going to change? You're not that much different between 39 and 41 [I'm certainly not]. It's just women being paranoid and negative..." I thought all of it. Until I turned 40 and started to drop off the radar and then hit 41 and disappeared altogether.
A man the same age as me said the other day "You look good, for your age". Good for my age? I'm the same age as him! What does that caveat "for your age" even mean?
I don't hate men and I don't think that women are dusty figurines on a shelf waiting to be picked. But they don't feel flattered when women over 40 find them attractive, they feel a little bit embarrassed, as though it reflects negatively on them.
It not working out with men I met before 40 was just how it is, but post 40... it is different.
When you're 40something, and if you're still single, come back and tell us that you didn't notice any change at all. It doesn't matter whether you choose to participate in it or not. When you get there, you will find yourself in it all the same.
And yes, I get that one day, I might meet someone whilst just merrily going about my way who isn't bothered by the fact I'm 40 something, but it's frustrating that this is how women are marginalised in society and, frankly, it fucks me off!
That's why it's frustrating. Because I didn't opt for this, I didn't believe it and I didn't accept it. But it happened just the same.