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Original poster

Feeling a little bit down in the dumps about my lack of a love life...

437 replies

pinkmusicstand · 25/10/2016 18:43

I'm a 35 year old single mum to a five year old DD. Split up with her dad when I found out I was pregnant however it was all a bit complicated as we had occasional 'reunions' until she was about a year old and I said enough and finally cut it all off.

Ex is now happily coupled up with a new girlfriend, which I'm totally OK about. No feelings between us anymore, so not at all complicated.

I've had a couple of short term relationships since then, lasting no more than 6 months.

I find it difficult to meet new men. I've tried OLD but haven't got anywhere with it. Most of the men I meet in RL are married/coupled up. I have had lots of crushes on men, even if they are single I don't think they even know I exist. I am unbelievably horny all of the time.

I just don't think it's going to happen for me. I don't think I'll ever meet someone nice. The type of guys who do express interest are usually weirdos/creeps/in relationships. Am dismayed why I attract these types and not a normal, nice single guy.

I never get asked out. I think I'm OK looking, am reasonably intellegent (have a degree and currently doing an MA), kind, caring etc. I think I'm a nice person. I just don't seem to be able to meet someone who thinks the same.

Don't really know why I'm posting, I guess just to get it off my chest. Feeling a bit down about it all at the moment. This idea that I will be left on the shelf for ever.

OP posts:
roverman75 · 28/10/2016 15:24

24 hours after registering on pof ,so far not had a single person look at my profile ! Beginning to wonder if I'm really ugly lol! Oh well see if anyone looks over the weekend ,if not might have to have a rethink ! Think I might need a bigger shelf lol!

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 16:09

Sure it's their loss roverman. Don't despair, I think the shelf is going tp be full, we can turn it into a party shelf!!

1DAD2KIDS · 28/10/2016 17:06

Stubbornstains I agree, a middle ground. Its basically what I have been dabbling with over the last year. There are many ways to skin a cat they say. Its not for everyone and doesnt always seem to work in practice. The main thing I would say is that everyone is on the same page and totally in it for the same thing.

For me I cant enjoy anything cold and clinical. I need a little intellectual connection, rapport and conversation as well as sex. Sex is just a part of it. Also the more intellectually attracted I am to someone, the sexually attracted I am to them. So connection is a huge factor in good sex. I guess that’s the idea of FWB if I have it right? No strings FWB appeals in my current circumstances but not so much ONS. I suppose practise makes perfect. So the more you play together the better it gets and the more you learn. Kind of like playing regularly with a tennis partner I guess.

So that is the theory. Personally I have had mixed results. It seems FWB is often taken a dim view of. I don’t see why we have a sort of one size fits all societal view on relationships? Surely it is possible for two people to enjoy each others company and be intimate and passionate with each other without any long term goal? I cant see FWB ever lasting long term in most cases. People change and no doubt often they get to a stage where they want a proper relationship. But surely its OK to have a sexual relationship with a shelf life? Surely its ok to enjoy each other just for the fun of it in the here and now without any feeling of obligation? Is it of course is it ever that simple in RL?

Roveman keep at it. I don’t think anyone on here finds OLD easy. Its hard work, draining and often a nightmare. But for most of us how else we going to meet people so what else can we do? So worth a punt. After all you need to be in it to win it. A good honest profile is very important. You are affectively selling yourself. Remember the dynamic in our society is gender imbalanced. Men are often expected to make the first move. There are a lot of women who will not make the first move. Unfortunately that is the rules of the game. Good luck.

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 17:26

What is the definition of FWB though, I have a friend who has had one for 12 years, they are exclusive and talk almost every day, but only meet up monthly and have no plans to live together. I would call this a relationship? But she describes it as FWB. It sounds perfect to me. Smile

1DAD2KIDS · 28/10/2016 17:54

Just goes to show I guess there are many ways of doing things. We dont all have to have the same relationships. That sounds a bit deeper than the normal assumptions of FWB. I guess there are many shades of FWB too. If it works for them great. Sounds good to me to at the min. Just perfect as i only get a couple of free times a month and I dont want anyone becoming involed with my family life and kids (if that makes sense). Still would be probably nice to have someone around more later in life once the kids are adults and left.

roverman75 · 28/10/2016 19:58

If anyone has any cushions for the shelf to make it more comfy ,would be appreciated!Lol!

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 20:56

And maybe some horlicks! Wink

1DAD2KIDS · 28/10/2016 21:09

Throw in a bottle of Port? It warming and comforting and if anything might make the shelf more fun. Always seems to put a pleasant smile on my face.

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 21:16

Ooh yeah, and perhaps a little cheese?

DoctorTwo · 28/10/2016 22:35

Maybe some rum soaked raisins...

LittleTripToHeaven · 28/10/2016 22:35

I made some red onion marmalade and a chocolate fudge cake today.

I could bring that to the party/shelf.

With some brie.

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 22:55

This shelf party is sounding better by the minute, bugger the dating, i'd rather stick to the shelf!
Red onion marmalade!!! Sounds like heaven.

LittleTripToHeaven · 28/10/2016 23:06

It's lovely, funny. I think it's Delia's recipe I use. It contains port. So nice!

Funnylady123 · 28/10/2016 23:12

Thanks, am going to look that up, sound like a good Xmas recipe.

LittleTripToHeaven · 28/10/2016 23:25

Sorry, it's not. It's the BBC good food one.

It's lovely at Christmas.

Funnylady123 · 29/10/2016 08:19

Thanks LittleTrip. How quickly this turned from dating to marmalade!! Yikes, does that mean we are really past it?

1DAD2KIDS · 29/10/2016 08:27

I am certainly not pasted it. But I do love good food and drink. Now the party is kicking off on the shelf there is not much incentive the leave. The trouble with Port is it often brings the mischief out in me.

Funnylady123 · 29/10/2016 08:38

good food, good company and a little mischief, why would we ever want to leave?

LittleTripToHeaven · 29/10/2016 09:45

Yeah, sounds pretty good on that shelf now... Grin

I did have a slight epiphany last night.

I went out with some friends to a club. Awful experience. Not the sort of club I've ever been to before music wise. I was 'reassured' it was music they play on Radio 1, but it was just an awful noise!

But I was hit on twice. Firstly, by a young man who was probably late 20s who asked if I had a boyfriend; I lied and said I did. He said that was a shame and that I was very sexy. But then he left me alone. And secondly, by a young woman in her twenties who wasn't taking no for an answer and made me realise that women can be just as sexually aggressive as men!

But anyway, it did make me see that if what you want is to get hit on by random strangers then, actually, I can still do that. And that the lack of a relationship is probably more to do with not meeting suitable/single men rather than being a function of me not being attractive or good enough.

roverman75 · 29/10/2016 10:46

Think I need to start going out then ! Only problem is I hate clubs ,especially the music ,prefer a live band only trouble is it's impossible to hold a conversation . Pof update still nobody has looked at my profile , oh well ,any one here from essex lol!

Funnylady123 · 29/10/2016 11:07

Oh well done LittleTrip, you've still got it!!!
I never reelly liked clubs in my younger days, and would never be brave enough to go now.
Actually realised that I would not know what to do if someone did hit on me, would probably run!!! Maybe i'm not ready to step off the shelf yet.
Don't lose heart roverman.

roverman75 · 29/10/2016 11:24

Thanks ,funnylady just feeling a bit down today that's all , trying to figure some problems out !.

Funnylady123 · 29/10/2016 11:40

Anything that sharing would help with, roverman?

roverman75 · 29/10/2016 12:00

Funnylady thank you for asking , just having to get through a sad anniversary that I hate while trying to celebrate my eldest sons 17th birthday today , it's just a difficult day really

Funnylady123 · 29/10/2016 12:09

Sorry to hear that roverman. Some days are incredibly difficult and you just need to get through it knowing that tomorrow may bring better times.
Hope your son has a good day and you manage to find some happiness celebrating with him.
I always find weekends difficult and get quite maudlin. Climb onto the shelf later for a catch up if it helps, you can have the squishiest cushion.

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