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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Empty condom wrapper

246 replies

2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 02:11

(Name changed for this one)

Can't sleep - I found an empty condom wrapper in DPs trouser pocket, me and him don't use them.

How am I going to approach the situation? He will probably come clean, that's the sort of person he is.

I can't stay with him after this, it will only happen again, and the worst thing is I live in his house, we've got two children together.

I'm sitting here feeling very hurt, as there aren't any problems in our relationship.

OP posts:
Eminado · 15/09/2016 02:14

Didnt want to leave you unanswered.

Sad Flowers

Where is he now?

Others with proper advice will be along soon.

CannotEvenDeal · 15/09/2016 02:27

Oh shit... how long have you been together and how old are your dcs?

Flowers
londonrach · 15/09/2016 02:42

Hugs op. Where is he now. You ok xx

toopeoply · 15/09/2016 02:43

Where is he now? Poor you op. Is it worth trying to get more evidence from his phone etc before you confront him?

Dilligufdarling · 15/09/2016 04:13

Just wanted to say, maybe there is another explanation than the worst one.

I know some guys - inc DH on occasion - use condoms when masturbating. Apparently it feels different.

Maybe that could be it?

WingsofNylon · 15/09/2016 07:07

I'm holding your hand. There is a small chance it is innocent but most likely it isn't. You won't know until you talk to him.

TheNaze73 · 15/09/2016 07:11

Sorry OP, I try to see both sides of a story & look for a rational answer, rather than an hysterical one but, I can't see any outcome here which is a good one. Flowers

Original poster
2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 07:14

Hello

Sorry I am just getting back to you now, he is in bed asleep, DD is 10 months and DS is 6.

I have no access to his phone he has a finger print pin to open it, I know he isn't inoccent, if it was used for self pleasure it wouldn't be in his pocket, plus he was at work yesterday so there wouldn't have been time for that.

Just feeling so hurt right now Sad I read threads on here often about peoples partners cheating and I think to myself "DP would never do that"

OP posts:
marmitecrumpets · 15/09/2016 07:15

Hold hand here too. Hope you are okay

MephistoMarley · 15/09/2016 07:16

Sorry to hear that. Will he step up financially if you separate? You're in w very vulnerable position.

Original poster
2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 07:17

I don't want to stay with him but I don't want to lose him, deep down I want to ignore what I found.

If I were to leave him I think he'd help with the children, yes I'm feeling very vulnerable right now.

OP posts:
Inthebathprobably · 15/09/2016 07:20

Are there any other signs you can think of? Being away from the house? Being obsessive with phones etc?

Do you use a shared computer?

Choice is to gather more info or just ask him soon.

iloveberries · 15/09/2016 07:30
Flowers
Original poster
2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 07:30

No signs what so ever, everything has been so normal that's why I am so hurt.

He doesn't use the computer/laptop whilst at home, and only uses his phone to take calls.

Why do men do things like this? Sad

OP posts:
2sCompany · 15/09/2016 07:43

You can access his phone using his fingerprint when he's asleep. Helps if they're a bit drunk - been there, got the t-shirt. It's not pleasant.

So sorry you're going through this.

Men are shit

caffelatte100 · 15/09/2016 07:47

Yep, I'd gather more information. Knowledge is power after all. Otherwise, he might fob you off but then, in the back of your mind, you'd always be wondering....

caffelatte100 · 15/09/2016 07:48

Have you got any family or RL friends?

Original poster
2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 07:50

I don't want to look into his phone, scared in what I might find, and he doesn't drink so this could have not been a drunken fling.

I am overwhelmed by all the support given, he is awake now, I think I will wait for him to get to work, then call him.

Even though I said I want to ignore what has happened I can't because I will be left paranoid and vulnerable, and I can't have him making me feel like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
2InTheMorning · 15/09/2016 07:51

Yes I have lots of friends in real life whom I could speak to, but I'm just so embarrassed Blush

If I were to leave him I know I'm never ever going to find better.

OP posts:
caffelatte100 · 15/09/2016 07:54

Maybe choose one friend who you think would be understanding and treat anything you might tell her confidential.

Urghhh! How shit. You don't want to be dealing with this, life's complicated enough!

what will you say when you phone him?

Catsize · 15/09/2016 07:56

I really wouldn't call him at work. This needs be a face-to-face conversation where you can properly judge his reactions etc.

GrimmauldPlace · 15/09/2016 07:56

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope that there is some sort of innocent explanation for this. As unlikely as it sounds.

What you've written here -
If I were to leave him I know I'm never ever going to find better - Please don't say things like that. Please don't put yourself down. If he has indeed cheated, you are already worth a million times more than that.

MalodyandJim · 15/09/2016 07:58

In my experience the "posh wank" with a condom is bullshit. I've spoken to men about it and they agree.

Don't give him that as an out

Saggynaggy · 15/09/2016 07:59

Dumb question. Where does he work?

Slim, outside the box type thought but... If he works in a 'blokey' type place he might have been messing ababout, blowing them up, sticking them over his head etc. Its slim but it is another "innocent" explanation.

Nakupenda · 15/09/2016 08:01

I second the advice not to tall him at work. It gives him the chance to immediately hang up and think his way out of it.

You need to tell him to his face so you can judge his reactions. You'll know immediately if he's telling the truth.

Flowers for you