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Original poster

Did we both hear wrong?

193 replies

FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 17:23

Hi.

More of a lurker but wanted to post to get some unbiased views.

I have been mildly suspicious of my husband for a while. Nothing I can really lay my finger on but just a feeling and a protectiveness over both his phones (work and personal), however I take my phone with me everywhere too, so nothing I could pull him up on.

Anyway, last week I'd been away for a few days with my mum and DS. Was driving home and my husband phoned when I was approx 25 mins away to ask if I wanted him to make toasties for me coming home. I said sure. He asked that I phone him when I was 2 mins away so he could stick them on, which I dutifully did. My phone is connected up to the Bluetooth in my car, so my mum heard all the convo. After he said bye, in that second before hanging up, he said "that was feelingconfused". Me and my mum looked at each other, as if to say who was that? We decided he must have been on the phone to his mum.

We got home, and he had made a toastie but only for me (I'd thought he was doing one for both of us). Lovely gesture, but not something he is known for doing. I asked him after about 15 minutes, who he'd been speaking to on the phone when I'd called. And he denied everything. Started to take the piss out of me a bit, and continued to do so the next day. Now if it had been me alone in the car, I'd have said ok I did hear wrong, but my mum heard it too.

The following day he was very needy, calling me a lot and texting, and asking if I was ok.

There are a few other things to. I discovered that he uses inprivate browsing on internet explorer (which to be fair he has always done, however we discussed it and he said it was because he watches porn - and I have no issue with this, so no need to hide it, so thought he had stopped). Also while I'd been away the switch on my hair dryer had been set to the highest heat which I never use, neither does my husband. Of course it could have been that it had just been knocked that way when turning it off or something.

He does have previous (online chatting and flirting), however it's been over 5 years since i discovered that.

Am I just being overly suspicious for no reason? Would really appreciate your views.

Thanks

OP posts:
Freezingwinter · 06/09/2016 17:25

Hmm. I don't know. Is there anyone in particular you would suspect? The telephone conversation bit is the weirdest part for me.

TheNaze73 · 06/09/2016 17:27

If you've no reason to be suspicious previously, I don't think you have anything to worry about

buckingfrolicks · 06/09/2016 17:27

Dodgy imo. The hairdryer sounds very bad. The settings don't get knocked, randomly. That would worry me.

The needyness the following day sounds like checking up that you hadn't twigged anything

Is toasti making normal for you guys? If not then that's wrong too

It doesn't look good sorry

SoozeyHoozey · 06/09/2016 17:29

It does sound a bit off. My first thought was getting you to ring him when you were two minutes away was so he would know when you'd be back for the purpose of getting rid of someone who was there that he didn't want you to see. I wouldn't accuse him now, bide your time and see if anything else crops up. He does have previous form so I think you are justified in your suspicions.

pasic · 06/09/2016 17:31

Those spidey senses should never be ignored.

Cary2012 · 06/09/2016 17:33

The cynic in me says the toastie thing was a diversion to know exactly when you would be home, to make sure someone was out the door in time.

Hairdryers don't just change settings. His behaviour suggests guilt.

Or it could all be innocent and he was on his work phone when you called and went back to that caller. Can you get that phone to check if a call was happening at same time?

Something doesn't sit right with you here, what is your gut saying? you need to dig a bit.

Mrsfluff · 06/09/2016 17:34

Trust your gut instinct. I wish I had!!

Cary2012 · 06/09/2016 17:36

Would neighbours notice anything though? You can't move round here without the net curtain twitchers going into meltdown. Bit brazen, on your own doorstep and all that.

fastdaytears · 06/09/2016 17:36

It doesn't sound good. Why would you need to ring 2 mins before you got there? I'm sure you could have waited that long for a toastie

Imnotaslimjim · 06/09/2016 17:38

Sorry, I think Cary has it. He wasn't being nice, he was checking when you we're going to be home.

Trust your gut. Get your ducks in a row, this does not look good.

Fidelia · 06/09/2016 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 17:40

Seems glaringly obvious to me that he's having an affair.

Your instinct is telling you the truth, you just don't want to believe it.

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2016 17:40

I don't understand - were you meant to eat the toastie as you walked through the door?

If he wanted two minutes' notice (and was seeing someone) then she lives very near.

If he was on the phone to someone and wanted to get off in time so you wouldn't know, surely he'd watch out of the window? Are you in a flat, where he wouldn't see you coming home?

The hair dryer setting is very, very strange. That's never happened to me in a million years of drying my hair.

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2016 17:41

Do you have a spare phone, OP?

If I were you I'd tell him I was going out for an hour, then leave the phone on mute and set to record.

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 17:41

The toastie thing - my mum thinks the same as you lot, but rather he was wanting me to phone so that he could get off the phone in time, rather than getting rid of someone from the house. You can creep into this house quietly without noticing that anyone has pulled up outside. He took his work phone immediately afterwards I asked who he was speaking to, and said he had to wait on his 10pm email. The cynic in me says that was to delete the call history but I don't know.

I don't suspect anyone in particular but he works a lot and quite often travels for work, in fact he is currently away for 6 days. If it is anyone, it's someone from work.

OP posts:
Clickclickclick · 06/09/2016 17:42

This would be enough for me to do detective work and get my ducks in a row. You know your dh and you know when something is "off". Flowers

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 17:43

Wow. Thanks for the replies. I totally expected to be told I was just being a bit over the top. Sad

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 06/09/2016 17:44

The two minute warning would raise my spidey senses.

Desmondo2016 · 06/09/2016 17:48

2 minutes wouldn't be long enough to get someone out of the house. He must have been on a phone call he couldn't have in my of you. Check his call logs. No innocent person EVER deletes calls. Why would you? It's not enough evidence to call him on it but definitely enough to start digging. Well, I would anyway. You need to know what you're dealing with, and even if he IS telling the truth you won't know whether to believe him or not - so playing detective is the only way afaics

Desmondo2016 · 06/09/2016 17:48

'In front of you' (typo)

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2016 17:49

No, he's definitely up to something. What worries me the most though is that he might be bringing someone into your house. I would have something set up for next time I was away.

Do you have Find my Phone on his phone?

DianaMitford · 06/09/2016 17:52

Definitely suspicious:

The call for timing.

What he said at the end of the call.

The hairdryer.

The keeping hold of his phone afterwards.

The ringing the next day to check all the time.

All red flags IMO. If it were me I would actually confront him and say I know you've been up to something - this is your one and only chance to tell the truth.

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 17:54

What do I do now? He very rarely leaves either of his phones lying around. There is nothing on his laptop (which he lets me freely use but obviously because he uses the incognito thing so no history is saved), I have already searched around his bed and drawers (however he is a very clever man and would not be so silly to leave anything like that lying around).

I only have one phone. I don't know how else I will find anything but I just want to know now!

OP posts:
AbyssinianBanana · 06/09/2016 17:57

Or he could have been having a wank and wanted a 2 min warning to clean up and finish before you and his MIL got home.

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 17:57

You are going to have to get sneaky, unfortunately.

I would wait until he was asleep, or taking a very long shower, and then check his phone for:

  • text messages
  • emails
  • messages on other apps (eg WhatsApp, FB messenger)
  • call history
  • location history (if he has an iPhone and hasn't disabled this feature)