Did we both hear wrong?

[FeelingConfused85]

Hi.

More of a lurker but wanted to post to get some unbiased views.

I have been mildly suspicious of my husband for a while. Nothing I can really lay my finger on but just a feeling and a protectiveness over both his phones (work and personal), however I take my phone with me everywhere too, so nothing I could pull him up on.

Anyway, last week I'd been away for a few days with my mum and DS. Was driving home and my husband phoned when I was approx 25 mins away to ask if I wanted him to make toasties for me coming home. I said sure. He asked that I phone him when I was 2 mins away so he could stick them on, which I dutifully did. My phone is connected up to the Bluetooth in my car, so my mum heard all the convo. After he said bye, in that second before hanging up, he said "that was feelingconfused". Me and my mum looked at each other, as if to say who was that? We decided he must have been on the phone to his mum.

We got home, and he had made a toastie but only for me (I'd thought he was doing one for both of us). Lovely gesture, but not something he is known for doing. I asked him after about 15 minutes, who he'd been speaking to on the phone when I'd called. And he denied everything. Started to take the piss out of me a bit, and continued to do so the next day. Now if it had been me alone in the car, I'd have said ok I did hear wrong, but my mum heard it too.

The following day he was very needy, calling me a lot and texting, and asking if I was ok.

There are a few other things to. I discovered that he uses inprivate browsing on internet explorer (which to be fair he has always done, however we discussed it and he said it was because he watches porn - and I have no issue with this, so no need to hide it, so thought he had stopped). Also while I'd been away the switch on my hair dryer had been set to the highest heat which I never use, neither does my husband. Of course it could have been that it had just been knocked that way when turning it off or something.

He does have previous (online chatting and flirting), however it's been over 5 years since i discovered that.

Am I just being overly suspicious for no reason? Would really appreciate your views.

Thanks

Something similar has just happened to me. One of the things my H said was 'what? I'm not texting a girl' completely out of the blue in a restaurant when taking a photo of our kids to put on FB straight away and I was only looking at him to see what he was doing. It turns out, upon further investigation, that he was indeed texting a girl, multiple times over a number of months. He is denying it and has excuses for each one, but I know what I saw and I emailed or texted some of the relevant stuff to myself (delete sent items straight afterwards 😀). I also kept a log over about 3 months which helps to see whether you are actually bring rational. I would say bide your time, get your facts and then you can deal with it if necessary.

Not saying yours definitely is cheating and I could be a bit biased as mine is so recent, but when you look at it in black and white, it doesn't look great. Really hope it doesn't turn out the same way for you.

This is how to get a sight of his phone. Next time you are out with friends, leave your own phone at home or run the battery flat. In from of everyone, start rummaging in your bag and say to him

" I ve left my phone at home and I just remembered I need to call my mum / friend / colleague about [something urgent like childcare or dentists apointment ] . can I use yours ? "

Then stand up and reach out for him to give it to you. Say loudly " remind me again of the passcode ? "

If he's totally innocent he will just hand it over . Then you go outside or to the ladies loo to make your call. And check anything you want while there.

There's no reasonable reason for someone to refuse to lend their phone to their wife in front of everyone. Even if a friend says " here use mine " , just reply " don't be daft, I don't want to use up your minutes, John has his phone , don't you darling ? "

If he refuses he will look crazy in front of everyone and you will know he's guilty .

However the flaw is that he may have one phone that is clear of anything incriminating and he can give you that one. Because you said he's very clever.

Although if he was that smart he woudl have a third phone that you don't know anything about . Or he woudl use apps that don't show up without additional security .

Oh my ex was Mr bloody Morality, every single person who ever cheated from Gary Lineker to Vernon Kaye got ripped to shreds by Mr Morality.

He had OW for two years.

Mr Morality doth protest too much, me thinks.

DH will often take his phone into the bathroom for ahem reading material. But. But....he is not secretive with it and it's not glued to his side.

I agree with everyone else that this does not bode well. You now need to be clever. Get copies of all relevant paperwork do it whilst he is away and store it at a friends/family house. Like a PP said, you also need to throw him off the scent that you don't believe him...act as normal as you can, whilst searching ways in which you can check browsing history etc.

Yes Mr Morality he is!

I'm desperately now working out how to recover history after inprivate browsing. I think I'll find what I need to there if I can find it.

Yes yes to acting totally normal OP, you don't want to give him ANY impression that you are suspicious.

He's cheated before
He's acting dodgy
you don't need loads of proof. He's not trustworthy

I can act totally normal. I know that pushing him with questions won't help, he will only get annoyed with me. So cool as a cucumber I will be.

You can get round InPrivate browsing in Chrome:
Press WinKey + R, type cmd and press enter - you'll get a command line in a black box. In the command line type ipconfig /flushdns and press enter. Chrome stores the info...you can see in the command line which sites were visited.

Oh, I'm working out how to explain how you can make a pretty list of them which you could print out...bear with

If its a do window right click and mark then highlight and click enter.
If you then open up word or whatever, paste as normal

Sorry to say OP but this does sound well dodgy.

He's been up to something but what is it?

The hairdryer is the really puzzling bit. Apart from the obvious that "his mistress" used it to dry her hair what else could he have done with it?:

1. Had friends round and spilled something, cleaned it up and used the hairdryer on high to dry it up quickly? Possible.

1. He used it for some weird celebrity chef Heston style trick to make the perfect grilled cheese toastie in a rush? Unlikely.

1. He's a secret cross-dresser and he had to get all his gear off, get showered and get his hair dried super quick before you got home ? It happens.

But seriously, sorry to make such light of things when you are worried and upset. You've had some proper, good Mumset advice and I totally
agree to get those ducks in a row and be on red alert from now on. Gut instincts are a powerful thing. If he is up to something he'll trip up soon enough. Be ready when and if he does.

Hope you have plenty RL support around you just now and take care of yourself

Dos window sorry and yes it is :)

Damn - not flushdns.....type displaydns

I already did flushdns and it said they had all been successfully flushed - have I just deleted the evidence myself?

have you looked through the bins? Food wrappers, wine bottles when he drinks beer? That kind of stuff.

Totally do this.

My husband left his exgf for me and he always called/texted me from the bathroom. Oh a real note for god sake use condoms if you have sex until you know.

I think it sounds as though he could have been having a good old yank to a webcam before you came home. If he didn't change the bed sheets and had slept with someone that is so awful.

Two things:

1. PP Resilience nails it.

1. I was a cheating wanker in the past. I was quite an unpleasant fucked up person in my twenties. I can say with conviction that his behaviour matches what I did to my then DP. Whilst I never shat in my own nest id obsessively wash things and strip beds etc just in case I had an incriminating hair on me, recipt in my pocket that may have fallen down the side of the bed etc. God, I was a horrible, devious shit.

I'm sorry but I think he's cheating. And this is from someone who did that. And I was a horrible, gutless twat who ended up getting my just desserts.

If you need an excuse to use condoms, say you think you have thrush . Go to chemist and buy a tube of cream OTC and leave it lying around in bathroom .

Not worrying about condoms, we don't have sex anyway!

Just putting DC to bed then will go on a scavenger hunt.

Doesn't sound good to me, I think asking to borrow his phone in front of other people is a great idea, he'll look like a total weirdo if he refuses.

Totally dodgy. Keep your cool. I think the PI might be the most effective way to find out what's going on. But you can lookout yourself. Have you checked bank statements, credit card statements? I remember someone finding their other half's secret phone in his gym bag, totally by accident. Might be worth a careful poke around things like that.

Re asking to borrow his phone - he will look odd refusing but it's not impossible - he could say 'not now, I'm expecting a work call any minute' and friends could say 'I've got loads of free minutes, go ahead!' Then you're stuck. Also, he could just put the password in himself then hand it to you, in which case you'll get to use it but not get the passcode so you'll have to be quick looking through. Might be best to think of other options - as well as the other stuff, it might make him suspicious that you're after his phone.

Disclaimer: I'm an escort and webcam model.

This sounds more like he's hired an escort and/or been using cams.

The words at the end of the phone call to you suggest he was talking to someone else, but if she was present there'd be no need to say "That was my wife" because he could just mouth that at her. I would suspect he was either on cam or a phone chat session.

I'm not convinced about the other stuff. I have known hairdryer settings get knocked, depending on storage. I would NEVER use a client's shower/hairdryer/etc in their home if I knew they were married. That doesn't mean other escorts wouldn't though...

Another thing was that he'd found money down my side of the bed while I was away. I never questioned it at the time but when I came home I thought it was very odd, as he never even looks at my side of the bed.

This is the bit that's bugging me. I would be wondering if he (or the escort) dropped/mislaid part of the fee and thought he'd say he found some in case you then found some notes there.

You don't have sex any more?Why? And for how long?
Also another good reason for him to hide any condom wrappers as you'd know for definite they weren't yours.