Did we both hear wrong?

[FeelingConfused85]

Hi.

More of a lurker but wanted to post to get some unbiased views.

I have been mildly suspicious of my husband for a while. Nothing I can really lay my finger on but just a feeling and a protectiveness over both his phones (work and personal), however I take my phone with me everywhere too, so nothing I could pull him up on.

Anyway, last week I'd been away for a few days with my mum and DS. Was driving home and my husband phoned when I was approx 25 mins away to ask if I wanted him to make toasties for me coming home. I said sure. He asked that I phone him when I was 2 mins away so he could stick them on, which I dutifully did. My phone is connected up to the Bluetooth in my car, so my mum heard all the convo. After he said bye, in that second before hanging up, he said "that was feelingconfused". Me and my mum looked at each other, as if to say who was that? We decided he must have been on the phone to his mum.

We got home, and he had made a toastie but only for me (I'd thought he was doing one for both of us). Lovely gesture, but not something he is known for doing. I asked him after about 15 minutes, who he'd been speaking to on the phone when I'd called. And he denied everything. Started to take the piss out of me a bit, and continued to do so the next day. Now if it had been me alone in the car, I'd have said ok I did hear wrong, but my mum heard it too.

The following day he was very needy, calling me a lot and texting, and asking if I was ok.

There are a few other things to. I discovered that he uses inprivate browsing on internet explorer (which to be fair he has always done, however we discussed it and he said it was because he watches porn - and I have no issue with this, so no need to hide it, so thought he had stopped). Also while I'd been away the switch on my hair dryer had been set to the highest heat which I never use, neither does my husband. Of course it could have been that it had just been knocked that way when turning it off or something.

He does have previous (online chatting and flirting), however it's been over 5 years since i discovered that.

Am I just being overly suspicious for no reason? Would really appreciate your views.

Thanks

Possibly you did flush it....you can try again when he builds up some more history.

Another thing to add with trying to borrow his phone - I did that a few times with my STBXH and he always had to do something first eg check weather or email (but was actually deleting messages to OW!).
He also started taking his phone into bathroom when he was having shower. That's what really made me suspicious because up to that point his phone was always left lying in bedroom. It's also how I found incriminating messages. One morning I had gone into bathroom in hurry before he had a chance to sneak his phone back out. Found it hidden under towel!

If he's using Internet Explorer (which frankly is divorce-worthy on its own) then the DNS flush won't work.

OP it's not looking good.

I hope you have real life support if your hunch is indeed right.
Personally I'd be doing a Miss Marple. But that's difficult if your dc is young and you can't slip out to follow dh.

That DNS thing does work - just tried it. Amazing - didn't know you could do that.

IMO the call was to check when you were coming home - the two minute warning to make a toastie the excuse for the call....So how long it takes someone to leave is irrirelevant.

Trust your gut and keep an eye out. Unless you have previous in being incredibly suspicious of him all the time then I'd go with your instincts.

Loving the presumption of guilt here and the encouragement of spying.

That would be because it looks hugely guilty, Sherlock.

It's his past history that's the problem: you don't trust him.

It could be innocent, obviously. My dh would probably do something like ring to check my eta as he would be frantically clearing away beer cans, loading the dishwasher, putting a wash on, hoovering, cleaning etc. all the things he thought he could get away with whilst I wasn't there lazy arse teenager

What exactly was he up to before? Did you catch him out?

It doesn't sound innocent I'm afraid

I don't think you both heard wrong, or that he used your hairdryer to clean up a spill. Trust your instincts op.

Doesn't look good
Hope you're ok OP

He was messaging girls online. It happened a few times. First time I caught him out when we were both on his laptop and I seen in the address bar that he'd sent a message on a social media site. I asked who, he said his friend. I knew it was a lie as that friend had deleted their profile. I asked him to show me, and he did, thinking it wouldn't bring anything up. But it did.

Another time the girl messaged me and told me.

I'm exhausted now, I will save my Miss Marple antics for tomorrow.

Thanks all for the messages of support!

The girl messaged you? How did he get out of that?

You overheard him actually saying your name rather than, say, 'my wife' on the phone...doesn't that suggest he was speaking to someone you both know?

He denied it all, at first and I double bluffed him and told him I knew everything so he may as well tell me. Which he did. I would have left him then but I was newly pregnant and terrified and he promised it would never happen again, he's on no social media sites (as far as I know) and up until now it's been fine. I haven't been suspicious at all.

Yes he definitely said my name. If he was having an affair, the other person would probably know my name, especially if it was someone from his work.

OP x

If he'd had OW at your house why would he be telling her it was you on the phone. Surely she would know already it was you as he'd asked you to ring when you were 2 mins away.

I do think his behaviour is suspicious though.

When you said that you don't have sex is that a recent thing? Post baby? Mutual? Does it bother you?

Sorry to ask questions, know you're understandably exhausted.

Just thinking is the no sex because he's getting it elsewhere, or is he going elsewhere because no sex at home, if you see what I mean.

I agree if he's cheating it's someone who knows your name, the web cam thing is plausible, but I think he'd say my wife if that was the case. But I'm just guessing at this.

I still think it's odd, but really think having someone at your house would be taking a hell of a risk. Did he contact you much when you were away? If so, may be he was doing so to reassure himself that the coast was clear.

The two minute thing to me makes it LESS likely he's habing an affair
I mean, it would take a lot longer than 2 mins to get out the way, why cut it so fine? Why not 20 mins !!??

Perhaps he's using online chat rooms or something that he's embarassed to tell you about?

All a bit odd.

The no sex thing has been pretty much the case since I found out about his first online chatting, which was a year after we met. It just dwindled and dwindled until it was every 4-5 weeks, now much rarer.

He did contact me a lot while I was away, we also face timed so I know he was at home. I really don't think he would have someone here, I think the pillow and hairdryer thing are just coincidences. I think it's much more likely he's up to his old tricks online.