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Original poster

Did we both hear wrong?

193 replies

FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 17:23

Hi.

More of a lurker but wanted to post to get some unbiased views.

I have been mildly suspicious of my husband for a while. Nothing I can really lay my finger on but just a feeling and a protectiveness over both his phones (work and personal), however I take my phone with me everywhere too, so nothing I could pull him up on.

Anyway, last week I'd been away for a few days with my mum and DS. Was driving home and my husband phoned when I was approx 25 mins away to ask if I wanted him to make toasties for me coming home. I said sure. He asked that I phone him when I was 2 mins away so he could stick them on, which I dutifully did. My phone is connected up to the Bluetooth in my car, so my mum heard all the convo. After he said bye, in that second before hanging up, he said "that was feelingconfused". Me and my mum looked at each other, as if to say who was that? We decided he must have been on the phone to his mum.

We got home, and he had made a toastie but only for me (I'd thought he was doing one for both of us). Lovely gesture, but not something he is known for doing. I asked him after about 15 minutes, who he'd been speaking to on the phone when I'd called. And he denied everything. Started to take the piss out of me a bit, and continued to do so the next day. Now if it had been me alone in the car, I'd have said ok I did hear wrong, but my mum heard it too.

The following day he was very needy, calling me a lot and texting, and asking if I was ok.

There are a few other things to. I discovered that he uses inprivate browsing on internet explorer (which to be fair he has always done, however we discussed it and he said it was because he watches porn - and I have no issue with this, so no need to hide it, so thought he had stopped). Also while I'd been away the switch on my hair dryer had been set to the highest heat which I never use, neither does my husband. Of course it could have been that it had just been knocked that way when turning it off or something.

He does have previous (online chatting and flirting), however it's been over 5 years since i discovered that.

Am I just being overly suspicious for no reason? Would really appreciate your views.

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:01

Don't have find my iPhone for his phone as I don't know his iTunes password but I'm fairly sure he is where he says he is at the moment.

I have considered just saying "what are you up to, I know anyway"etc but like I said he can be very clever and manipulative so would twist it back on me.

Something I didn't mention (because I thought it really was ridiculous) was that when I returned home, there was a pillow missing from my side. My husband only sleeps with one pillow so I asked if he'd slept on my side while I was away. He laughed and said no, but had no reason why the pillow from my side was on the floor. Another thing was that he'd found money down my side of the bed while I was away. I never questioned it at the time but when I came home I thought it was very odd, as he never even looks at my side of the bed. When I questioned all of this and the phone call (genuinely out of curiosity, wasn't accusing him of anything) he said, do you think I've had a woman here while you were away? And as I went up to bed he called up "don't sleep on the side my mistress was on!", all very jokey haha way.

Thank you for all of your posts, they are clearing my head and making me see sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:02

AnotherEmma, he takes both phones into the shower with him. I'll have to do it when he's sleeping.

OP posts:
TheDMIsWrittenByCuntsForCunts · 06/09/2016 18:03

Dodgy as fuck I'm afraid. This would all have alarm bells ringing for me.

OnionKnight · 06/09/2016 18:04

I'd be suspicious, can you remember after noticing that your hair dryer had been fiddled with if the bathroom looked any different?

Desmondo2016 · 06/09/2016 18:05

Sorry but he's up to no good. Have it out with him. Demand he hands both phones over when he gets in next, no delaying. It's really obvious, I'm sure you can see it now you've written it all down?

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:09

Everything in the house looks exactly the same!

Yes I know it seems so obvious but there's this part of me that thinks he wouldn't do this. He is so anti cheating and always says how disgusting it is if we see it on tv or it happens around us. I know I'm naive.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 06/09/2016 18:09

He takes both phones IN THE SHOWER with him???

Sorry OP. Dodgy as fuck.

BadRespawn · 06/09/2016 18:09

'Takes both phones into the shower'

The fuck? Unless he's a CEO or a long-distance stockbroker, you've got a problem here.

faffalotty · 06/09/2016 18:12

Has he washed / changed the bedding?

Who takes their phone into the shower?!

whirlygirly · 06/09/2016 18:13

He's cheating in plain sight. I'm sorry. If something feels odd and it coincides with other things that do, there is something to be suspicious about.

Xh explained away a stray wrapped condom in our washing machine and no end of other little things along the way but it all added up to a full blown affair with a colleague.

Nobody who isn't up to something ever takes 2 phones into the shower. Why would you?

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:13

Well not into the actual shower, but into the bathroom yes. I know I know, but I've been guilty of doing it too, when I've had my phone in hand or pocket before showering, so I don't make a deal of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:14

No change of bedding but he's never changed any bedding in the ten years of us being together so if he had, I would know for definite.

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 06/09/2016 18:14

Ignore it if you like but it will eat you up. (Voice of experience) Sad

NameChange30 · 06/09/2016 18:17

He takes both phones into the bathroom when he has a shower?!

I was pretty sure he was cheating before you said that. Now I'm 100% convinced.

If you can't get to his phones while he's sleeping, consider hiring a private investigator. I'm not joking, I would do that if I had to. And then I'd use the proof (which they WILL find) to divorce his cheating arse.

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:18

No I definitely won't ignore it, I want to find out what's going on.

OP posts:
Wellywife · 06/09/2016 18:27

I'm sorry but it does sound strange. Each one incident wouldn't worry me but there's a pattern. I also think you need to trust your instincts.

If he's that prepared then it is going to be difficult to catch him out so the investigator might be the way to go.

But before you do any of that get yourself prepared for the worst in terms of finances etc. If what you fear is true then you might not be able to think straight at first so he could take advantage. Get your ducks in a row just in case. And good luck.

IwannaSnorlax · 06/09/2016 18:30

I say to trust your instincts too op. Hope you get to the bottom of whatever is going on. Good luck.

Bagina · 06/09/2016 18:33

Do you think it was one of those cam girl sites/Skype type thing? Like a pp said, you couldn't get someone out the house in 2 minutes.

ImperialBlether · 06/09/2016 18:34

Do you have any neighbours you could trust?

Do you share a bank account? Two reasons really - one you can see what he's taking out and where/when, and also if you have your own account I could recommend some things you could buy which might help you.

StealthPolarBear · 06/09/2016 18:38

He's cheate before and now you don't trust him. With good reason I'd say.

Original poster
FeelingConfused85 · 06/09/2016 18:40

Thank you all.

No I don't think anyone was in the house at that point, I think if anything he wanted time to round up his call nicely rather than hastily hanging up when he heard me coming in.

No we don't share bank accounts, I do have my own imperialblether- what do you suggest?

This private investigator thing - how does it work? Are they very expensive?

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 06/09/2016 18:48

You say he's away on business for 6 days?

Do you know where? Is he actually on business? I'd call his office, say you have an emergency and ask for his hotel to check he's actually there.

oldlaundbooth · 06/09/2016 18:50

'do you think I've had a woman here while you were away? And as I went up to bed he called up "don't sleep on the side my mistress was on!", all very jokey haha way.'

This is a total giveaway. Reverse psychology.

He's playing you, OP. He's clever, but not that clever.

ohfourfoxache · 06/09/2016 18:59

Get your ducks in a row pronto.

Birth/marriage certificates, bank statements, mortgage statements, car details -log book, insurance, tax, MOT - life insurance, any savings, passports, utility bills. Get it all together and give them to your mum. Or somewhere safe where he won't find them.

Citizens Advice/solicitor- frankly, you may as well. Seeking advice will not do any harm.

Sadly MN is full of threads that started as a gut feeling. It may well be nothing, but do you really want to take that risk?

pinkyredrose · 06/09/2016 19:02

Ne'er a truer word spoken in jest.

He's definitely up to something.