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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Woman's aid - need advice please

290 replies

ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 16:41

Don't really want to go into detail as it will out me but has anyone ever rung woman's aid once you've walked out the house to leave that day, I need advice on what to expect when I do it myself. I have no family or friends to go to it will be me and my child with a tiny amount of stuff. I have no money or i.d (I wasn't allowed to get a passport ect) please any info on what expect would really help

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 16:45

Is it impossible to call them beforehand?

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 16:47

No he's always around I can't email either he has access to that

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 16:50

The quietest time to call is between 7pm and 7am, they should be able to get you refuge that evening though.
The busy times to call are during the working day. After 3.30pm it is quieter.
If you can't get through, I would go to a Police station and ask to wait there until you can.
Are you in danger?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 01/09/2016 16:50

You can call at anytime but if you need a hostel place they aren't always available. Or,as happened to me, I had to make my way to a meeting point 80 miles away. They won't give you an actual address for safety reasons

It was fine once I actually got there though

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 16:52

I did this and was very lucky to get a space. I had nothing but a few clothes and my children. If you cant get a space in a refuge right away the council should give you temp accommodation or WA will get you into a refuge in a different area.

It's terrifying, I won't lie, I nearly turned back, but now we are happy in our house and more importantly we are safe. You will get lots of support.

Flowers good luck op.

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:15

I don't mind going to a different area I'd actually prefer that, I need to go asap he's under the assumption everything is OK an I wanna leave while he's like that.
Tomorrow is the only day I can get out for a few weeks, I suffer from anxiety an im pretty much housebound so this is a lot for me

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 17:17

I just jumped on the first train I could and went as far as my savings would take me.

Try and call before you go anywhere so they can advise you of your options.

You can do this, you are doing the right thing.

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:20

Well he thinks I'm taking our child shopping in town tomorrow so its basically whatever little money he gives I'll use to get away, I'm planning on calling them after I walk out the door, I have family who live a while away but I can't stay with them, I'm so stressed out

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 17:27

Don't stress out.

Think of what you actually need.

Can you safely get birth certificates? If not don't worry they are easy enough to get hold of.

Have you got a payg mobile?

Don't call anywhere on a contract mobile if he has access to the bill. Use a phone box if you have to, they will call you back. If you have a contract phone then be very aware he might have a tracker on it.

Clothes and toys etc can all be replaced.

It's hard but don't let anyone know where you are going, not even family for now.

Stay calm, stay focused, sort out a list in your head of what you need to do in the morning.

Have you got the number for WA?

Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 17:31

Good luck OP Flowers

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:40

I'm on contract shit I've text my sister about my plans will he b able to know what they say if he contacts the network? Ive got an old sim card that I'll top up while I'm out, thanks for that tip didn't think of that :S this is madness everything was fine yesterday :(

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:41

I can get birth certificate for our child but I have literally no form of I.d for myself will that be a problem ?

OP posts:
Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:44

I'm more scared of what happens next than anything I rarely interact with people and I plan every journey out, down to which way doors swing to cope. What will happen once I get to the safe place ?

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 17:45

He can't get the texts. Don't worry. Use the payg one though or he can see who you call.

They can verify your information in other ways, don't worry. You can order a birth certificate too for registering at doctors and school etc.

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 17:50

Remember to delete your Internet history and sign out of your MN account too.

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 17:55

It automatically deletes history an logs out when I close the browser I sorted that out first thing, I'm stupid for not thinking about the phone though Confused thank you so much

OP posts:
ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 01/09/2016 18:23

Stay safe really Flowers

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 21:03

He's just pottering around like nothings happened I'll let him keep thinking that, do I just go an not let him know after I've left ? I don't want him reporting me missing ...

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 21:09

Do you need to talk about what happened Really? I personally wouldn't contact him as I am sure it's abuse you've suffered if you need to leave like this?

It doesn't matter if he reports you missing as long as your family etc don't know where you are, they can't tell anyone.

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 21:17

I really can't go into detail but I'm bruised an pissed off I can't wait till tomorrow to go I'm just so nervous I hate the unknown an its scaring the life out of me. So I just leave an say nothing to anyone ?
I don't know anyone who's Been through this to talk to, I just want to know what happens when they place me somewhere safe. I feel so alone :(

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 21:24

I think you would be safer to not tell anyone anything other than you have seeked help. The Police will know what that means. Get yourself some photographic evidence in case you want to take this further when you feel stronger.
Hopefully, one of the posters that have been in your position will be back to reassure you but earlier replies suggest that you get a lot of support and you are not pressured into anything that you are not happy about.
The earlier posters mentioned how happy they are now and the countless threads there have been on here previously suggest the same.
Just try and stay calm in the meantime so that you don't give him any clues. Flowers

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 21:33

I'm trying really hard to be normal he hasn't got any hints of me leaving so far but he's in guilt stage atm, he pressures me into stuff all the time its why I don't go out its easier that way I'm just not gunna be his punch bag anymore, I've got photos and I doubt these bruises will go by tomorrow. Thanks for all the kind words I really appreciate it.

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 01/09/2016 21:46

You're a good Mum taking your child away from this situation. You will both be happier.

Marmalade85 · 01/09/2016 21:47

Good luck OP. You are doing the best for you and your child.

Original poster
ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap · 01/09/2016 21:48

I hope he let's me go shopping tomorrow if not he's working early next week so will leave then , I'm hoping this goes to plan I've had so much bad luck lately this has to work

OP posts:
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