Woman's aid - need advice please

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Don't really want to go into detail as it will out me but has anyone ever rung woman's aid once you've walked out the house to leave that day, I need advice on what to expect when I do it myself. I have no family or friends to go to it will be me and my child with a tiny amount of stuff. I have no money or i.d (I wasn't allowed to get a passport ect) please any info on what expect would really help

[EmmaMacgill]

I've just finished reading your thread, no advice to add. I just wanted to say well done for making this massive step, you're incredibly brave.
You're doing the right thing and you can do this. Good luck

[Saddaughterinlaw]

My heart breaks for you. I've been where you are now and remember the fear all too well. For years I didn't leave as was so worried about what he would do if I left. Worried he would hurt my family. Turn up looking for me. When I eventually did do you know he never came looking for me once. He instead reverted back to the nice man I once knew and messaged me begging me to come back. I had another phone and turned the phone he had the number to off which I found helped as I wasn't worrying every time it went off. It took a few months to stop hearing from him but I just stopped replying which helped.

You can and will do this. Try not to over think it. Just focus on getting through each day and the moment and when the time comes just go. Think of yourself and your child. You deserve better than this. We are all here for you cheering you on.

Please keep us updated when you can. I'll be praying for you

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

You haven't allowed this to happen.

It really isn't you, it's him.

You are getting out, you are getting a safe place for you and your child - that's you.

The council have private rooms and you will be able to request to speak to female if you choose to. There isn't anything they haven't seen and dealt with before so don't worry.

Are you on medication for your anxiety, or are there any breathing techniques etc you can do that help a little (I really don't know too much about anxiety so maybe someone else can help with some tips)

You have planned the hell out of this already. He is away, you have hours before he realises you have gone, you have your journey planned, you know where the council is, you have things sorted for your child, you have even planned the shop you ate going to for credit.

All that's left to do is follow your plan.

When I left I felt conflicted for ages afterwards. I tried to tell myself it wasn't so bad and I'd lived it for nearly 15 years so it can't have been awful etc. Now, looking back, it was actually worse than I imagined. I did the freedom programme which helped me see a lot too.

Don't think about your whole future tomorrow. Just keep thinking about the next step, then the next one, a little bit at a time

[YawningKasm]

You also talk to your GP, practice nurse, or health visitor. They are bound to keep your confidence but can help with support. They would also be useful witnesses to the criminal violence your husband is committing.

I mentioned police as what your husband is doing to you is criminal. They will not tell him where you are, but there's a good case for arresting him. He can be directed not to go near you or your family, as a condition of bail. You do have options, and what you're being subjected to is a crime.

It is not your fault.

Very best wishes and good luck

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

If I walk into the police station won't they want to push to get him done? The last thing I want to deal with is police and courts, all I want to do is find somewhere I can be safe and settled then look at options of getting him charged (even that I don't really want to do it means more hassle from him and mates) I've read into the councils policy's and if I turn up there with my child they have a duty to help me they also work with several woman's charity's and shelters, I did a fair bit of research Friday night !!
I've been through a hell of a lot since childhood I'm one of those people who smile and just carry on, but this has really gotten to me I feel like a shell of the person I used to be, I need to be me again

[Gruach]

This is just one instance but I have known of CAB staff willingly offer use of their office phones to ring WA. (And then to take money from their own pocket to help pay the bus fare to a refuge.)

I am fairly certain there are no refuges that don't have TV's - at the very least in communal rooms. Some refuges offer individual flats, others may have individual rooms or a shared house - in all cases it is likely that if your individual accommodation does not have a TV when you arrive it can be arranged within a few days.

They are generally very well prepared and capable of providing everything that might be needed by women and children arriving with very little.

[Gruach]

(Sorry OP - crossed you. My post was not in direct response to yours above.)

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Planning is my coping strategy nothing else calms me down, I haven't been to the gp about it they are crap where I am now, I will look into it for help once I've gotten away though, I tried leaving him once before years agp but I really didn't cope I couldn't eat or sleep , I spent a week being continuously sick and panicked every time I heard an unfamiliar noise. I still look back and think I'm an idiot for coming back to him I was weak. This time I'm doing it differently I'm gunna get help not go it alone. He searched high and low for me before and when he found out where I was he constantly threatened to go there (he never did though) I only relented after having a breakdown from the stress of being harassed so he got what he wanted. He changed after that was a lot less controlling (so I thought) he only flipped out once when I stupidly forgot to delete texts from an old friend, I was woken up to having my head stamped on an being called every name under the sun. Then nothing for years until the other day that's whats shocked me the most he always had a tell when he was close to blowing up so I could read the situation and avoid it but that didn't happen this time, maybe I got too relaxed with him, forgot to read his mood. I'm not sure but either way its thrown me

[YouCanDoThis]

I just wanted to say good luck Really, you can do this and it will be the best thing you will ever do for yourself and your child. I had to move many hundreds of miles away, change names, etc and have no contact with my past but it was worth it.
Some women's aid refuges are fully furnished self contained flats. Emergency council housing is also sometimes available and there will be support to set up your own home when the time is right. You might find that your anxiety is reduced as you discover the freedom to explore the area, who you are and what you enjoy. You do not deserve to live like this and your child deserves to live without fear too.
I shall be thinking of you and hoping you get away safely. Xx

[debbs77]

Jusr to say good luck. I really hope that you do follow through with your plans. You seem very strong and are a fighter!!! Do this for you and your little one.

And please stop blaming yourself!!!!

[Dimitri1979]

I'm so sorry you are feeling like this and I was in exactly the same situation . I pulled up in my car on my way back from dropping kids off at school ( I had limited time to get back home before being questioned ) and called www.refuge.org.uk/ they were the first number I googled and were amazing . They talked me through everything very carefully so I was safe . They are a charity and contributed to costs involved in getting away . When I found somewhere to live they and still do really looked after me . They paid for alarms on my windows and doors etc . They paid for a new phone They didn't put any pressure on me to call the police until I was ready . Whenever I feel I'm being watched they talk me through it on the phone and make my anxieties much better and feel like I'm not losing the plot . It's like having a guardian angel , I can not thank them enough . I have one key worker who is amazing . Please contact them they saved my life . But make sure you are safe when doing so . Take care and inbox me if you want any more details xx

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

If planning calms you then keep on going over your plan in your head.

You weren't weak going back to him, you didn't have the right support, which you will get this time. When you get in touch with WA ask one of them to go to the doctors appointment with you, you can sign in as a temporary patient for now to get an appointment quickly.

[RosaRosaRose]

Keep to the plan. Keep going. Get to the bus. We're all here. Help and support is waiting for you x

[Buzzardbird]

We're all still her op. Lots of support and helpful advice

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Sorry have to be careful he's in a bad mood, just keeping my head low atm. Will reply properly later when its safe

[Desmondo2016]

And you can get all the help, support and safeguarding from the police without engaging in a criminal investigation. The police will probably still have to record the assault and may choose to take some action of their own but you do not have to be a part of that.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Don't take risks op. Updating us isn't worth getting caught. Stay safe.

[dontwannapullahammie]

Stay safe op, you can do this you lovely strong woman. Do it for you and for your LO. Don't feel guilty about him, he's not a good person and he's not a good dad...if he was he'd have gotten up with your crying baby.

You can do this

[Dimitri1979]

You absolutely CAN do this . You are your own person and you will find yourself again love x

[RosaRosaRose]

Just keep to the plan. Get to the bus. It all changes after that. Be brave, love. You can make this step. Bringing back so many memories of when I did the same thing a while ago. Please trust in yourself any get to the bus x

[debbs77]

Thinking of you xxxx

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

I've got 5 mins so thought I'd talk I'm feeling low tried to sort a few bits out to pack on the day (basically looking for certain things but not moving them until the last minute) I can't find scan photos from lil one I know its small but I never wanted to lose those :( I've picked some toys an clothes to make life easier for the first few nights. Its so stupid I'm getting upset over those pics but they mean so much to me

[YouCanDoThis]

You might be able to arrange a police escort to go back to collect things. I'm not certain though. I do understand about the photos. I have lost so many things and for me, photos are precious. (Though I don't have them all.) take care. Xx

[RosaRosaRose]

I'm here. I understand, I really do. It's only two years since I did almost exactly what you're doing. I lived in a closed community and literally crept away given permission to go to the shop. I left it all behind. Your scan photos are dear to you I know. Don't fret about that now. Your anxiety will make it harder for you to remember where they are. Try to be calm. The whereabouts may well just come to you later on, then you can quietly fetch them. Most important of all, you and the real thing, your lil one, are on your way to your bus out of there.