Woman's aid - need advice please

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Don't really want to go into detail as it will out me but has anyone ever rung woman's aid once you've walked out the house to leave that day, I need advice on what to expect when I do it myself. I have no family or friends to go to it will be me and my child with a tiny amount of stuff. I have no money or i.d (I wasn't allowed to get a passport ect) please any info on what expect would really help

[ConkerTriumphant]

How are things, Really?

[whitehandledkitchenknife]

What a pathetic little man. Where does he think he's going to hide forever? I'm so sorry that you're so anxious ready. As pp said, let them know how you feel. In the meantime, try saying to yourself "What's the worst that can happen in the court room?" He won't be able to see you. He won't be able to get at you. You will be safe. You will be kept safe. Have you got someone who will go with you on the day? And look after you when it's over?
Keep strong. He is a bad man. You are a good woman. You will get through this. You will survive. You've come a long way and are doing so well.

[ConkerTriumphant]

You'll cope. One step at a time. You're doing it already. You're coping.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Hi everyone sorry had to shut down everything again its been confirmed I have to appear in court at the end of the month to give evidence against him, honestly I'm shitting a brick my anxiety is back 100X worse and they will only screen me off from him. He's on the run and they haven't found him yet but atleast he's stopped contacting me... I don't know how I'm going to cope with this

[seventhgonickname]

Glad you are OK.Hope the bail is revoked soon.
Do you have somewhere to stay now.
Talk to someone about your fear if being in court with him as he is still hounding you with messages which noone is stopping you would be to scared to be in the same room.This cannot be new to them and they should have a way if dealing with it.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

... its just how the system works here its hard to get them to keep him in.

I just caught that. Where is "here", then? UK?

[chocoholic89]

Not read through posts but yeah they will give you help. A place to sleep and counciling x

[whitehandledkitchenknife]

Without reading back through the full thread, I can't remember….have you changed your number Really? When I was subjected to some rather nasty verbal abuse from a family member, I called my provider and they changed my number as we spoke. I simply said that I had received abusive calls/texts (from family member). It was very quick and easy. You then have complete control of who you give the new number to.
Keep strong.

[1potato2potato3potato4]

You're doing all the right things. I've only read your thread tonight but honestly, you've done amazingly well.
Ultimately, keeping on contacting you like this won't work in his favour. And he's shown he has a complete disregard for any conditions put in place so that won't help him either.
Have you any idea where he could be getting your number from? How careful are you about who you give it out to? You might need to whittle it down a bit, family/friends could you say you're only available via email and are getting rid of your phone for the foreseeable due to the texts and calls from him.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

I have been reporting it every time an never reply its just how the system works here its hard to get them to keep him in.
I've been contacting my officer constantly too even he's disgusted that the judge didn't keep him In! I'll keep trying

[1potato2potato3potato4]

You should have a designated DV officer, an officer dealing with the case? Don't be shy in contacting them! He shouldn't be contacting you, he's breaching his bail. Don't reply, report it every time, ring 101 if you can't get through to the officer.
Have you got a witness care officer too?

[1potato2potato3potato4]

Tell them if you're not happy to attend with a screen in place. Be upfront and say you're too scared to be in the same place as him, it will negatively impact your anxiety and you will not do it.
They need to give you other options, they can't/won't make you do it if you're not happy to.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Triggers are everywhere I'm coping though healing well !! I'm back on at the police I'm doing another report of him breaching bail so hopefully this time they will so their jobs, courts been put off another month an they want me to appear behind a screen to give evidence. I don't think I can cope with that to be honest I don't wanna go anywhere near him again he's still calling and texting I'm so fed up he keeps getting numbers an knows when I've made reports it all feels corrupt

[seventhgonickname]

Are you OK

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Stay strong. And stay on the police - this shouldn't be happening!

[whitehandledkitchenknife]

Block his emails Really.
Now.
You need time and space away from all the triggers to begin to heal and get stuff sorted in your mind.

[Buzzardbird]

You are doing so well. It is lovely to hear that your little girl is obviously flourishing out of the old environment. You don't realise how much it must affect them at the time do you? When you look at her, you can see what you have done for her.

Feel proud of yourself and remember his contact will fall away bit by bit.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

He emailed me directly yesterday begging for me back I was having such a good day too, no news from family about him annoying them and received a call from social services saying no further action for me an they refused to put an address for me on it so if he wants contact with lil one he has to take me to court! Then I find this bloody email, I'm completely fed up I've not gone back and I won't my baby is happy again and singing an dancing. She's my rock right now every day she improves I feel stronger

[Buzzardbird]

How are things Really?

Ask your family to tell the Police, rather than you when he is bothering them. Just tell them gently that it is reallys stressing you out and not helping you to get away from him.

It will get better.

[laurenandsophie]

Really you are incredible. I am in tears reading this thread and your story of survival. You all are amazing.

I agree with ^ that you don't need to be told if he's contacting your loved ones - you need to focus on moving on and everyone should be helping you and your LO keep away from an abusive, violent, monster.

It's easy for me to say this - but if you feel he's wearing you down, it's not because he's changed, it's because he wants to continue to control you. You don't deserve this, and neither does your LO.

[whitehandledkitchenknife]

Really - tell your family that you don't want to know that he 's contacting them. Tell them you need protecting from this and this is one way they can help. Keep strong.

[BertieBotts]

Really

You can do this. I know you want to be free and that will happen. Keep calling. I wish there were unlimited places and I wish that bastard wicked cuts and austerity and shitty, shitty measures weren't eroding the safety nets that we have here. I'm afraid it might mean you have to hang on a little tighter while you wait for a lead, but one will come.

If you have gone back, know that that does not make you a failure. We will be here again when you are ready to start again. And I know you will be. I don't think you'll live in that limbo for long. You won't let him consume you. If you're still out, hang in there. Just take it one hour at a time or one day however far you can see ahead.

I was listening to this and I think it describes the experience of leaving an abusive relationship so perfectly I wanted to share it with you.

I made everything come undone
I made everything fall apart
I quit running to the finishing line
And I went back to the start
I found a great, big hole in the middle of my life
Shaped just like my heart, just like my heart

I lost sight of what was under my feet
'Cause I always had to be on top
And I was so drunk on love
That I didn't taste a single drop
And I used to make everything run on time
'Til I made the whole world stop, I made it stop

Now I'm watching the world move in slow motion
Now I'm finding it easy to breathe

For too long I've been trying to walk
In high heels through a river of mud
For too long I've been trying to talk
Over the sound of rushing blood
Where truth is a story scribbled in chalk
Just an hour before the flood, before the flood

[TooDamnNosyy]

Don't give up OP! Stay strong Please don't go back x

[MissElizaBennettsBaubles]

Unlurking to say Stay Strong OP...

[0SometimesIWonder]

Anything I say will sound so trite OP, but just want to let you know we're thinking of you and hope you can get through this.