Woman's aid - need advice please

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Don't really want to go into detail as it will out me but has anyone ever rung woman's aid once you've walked out the house to leave that day, I need advice on what to expect when I do it myself. I have no family or friends to go to it will be me and my child with a tiny amount of stuff. I have no money or i.d (I wasn't allowed to get a passport ect) please any info on what expect would really help

[pianoshark]

Yes you can just turn up at the council offices and declare the situation. You will be priority in the situation and because you have a small child. They will have to give you emergency accommodation.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Elsa really my main worry was bits for my lil one food mainly, I can go without it doesn't bother me. I'm a lot calmer I've found my childs birth certificate but haven't moved it from the place its in he checks things frequently. I'm looking into train times ect and where the council office is in the place I'm going. I only come on here when I know its completely safe to

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

I showed up with 4 dc and they sorted us out.

Lots of lovely people donate to WA and they will help you.

They also ordered a food bank delivery, you won't go without. The helped sort benefits out and it was rushed through so I wasn't without.

They won't let you or your little one go without.

[sealsandbeachballs]

The council will have contacts for people who will help you please don't worry.

If you are near Manchester, Cardiff, Salford or anywhere near (don't reply if you are!) have a look at Coffee for Craig on Facebook. They will help you with anything from gas, food, furniture etc and they have a number or you can message them. If not they may know people in your area who can help.

Are you deleting your history?

[RosaRosaRose]

To echo what Elsa says, our refuge had more donations than they knew what to do with. Clothes and shoes of all sizes and toiletries. There was an emergency shopping fund for people what had no means and solid practical help with benefit claims and emergency immediate payments. You will be amazed at the help for women fleeing domestic abuse! There is a whole network of help waiting for you and you do have the right to ask for shelter and then housing in the area you choose. You are brave. You have more people than you can imagine waiting to help you and willing you to succeed.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Thats good to know calms me down more. Is it normal to feel this guilty about leaving ? Ihrs a great dad just treats me like shit. Its almost 10 years wasted :( I'm being stupid I know just seems more sensible to talk to you guys then bottle it in

[sealsandbeachballs]

Really he isn't a great Dad.
A great Dad wouldn't abuse or assault the child's Mum.
Normal to feel guilty. It was ten years here too.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

It's totally normal.

Obviously the relationship isn't shit all the time and it's normal to look back and convince yourself it's not so bad after he's been OK for a couple of days.

You aren't being stupid. 10 years is a long time and you will find yourself missing him to begin with.

He isn't a great dad, a great dad wouldn't treat the mother of their child like he does.

You are being a great mum though.

Just a thought, is there a mega bus near where you are? You could get anywhere in the UK pretty much with £50.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

No not that I know of, I'll get to where I need to its just anxiety taking hold I hate leaving the house but I need to.
You all have a point it just hurts we've been together since teenagers so its bloody hard its why I thought I'd talk to you all , I know your not gunna rip in to me. I keep thinking of the freedom I'll have that's keeping me going, I'll finally be able to go out without asking permission an I'll be able to make friends!

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

You're going to a new place for a fresh start and you will get a lovely new safe home for you and your child.

Try and focus on your goal.

When you phone WA remember to tell them about your anxiety.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Will it make a difference if I tell them about it ? I don't want them thinking I'm a bad mum for It that's the last thing I need

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

They absolutely won't think you're a bad mum.

It will mean they are better able to help you if they know you have anxiety. For example they can get someone to go with you to register at the doctor and dentist etc.

[RosaRosaRose]

really of course it's normal to feel guilty! I'm sure he will probably have made you feel that he is there to protect you! It's all for 'your own good'. He won't think that he is to blame at all - possibly regret some of his actions - but he may think you drove him to it. He isn't a good man. You and your child will be better away. You are going to have this feeling of guilt, it takes a while and lots of comforting conversations with the people you are about to meet to understand that you do not have to feel guilty. You did not cause this. He did. Be resolute. Keep with your plan and be safe. x

[RosaRosaRose]

Never imagine that people will think of you as a bad mum. They will think the opposite. You are a good mum. Breaking a cycle of abuse. Remember that you are going to people that have seen all kinds. They are professional people who will not judge you. They will admire you and help you. Not just in the refuge, but the all the services there to help you. (I got real help and a really positive attitude when I went to sign for benefit for example they were amazing). Keep going x

[Rosewine72]

Just do it if u can, it will be the best thing you've ever done, it is terrifying but whenever u do it it will be terrifying but then things will get better. I did it and I slowly got myself on my feet again and now I'm engaged to be married 😄 X good luck op xx

[ICESTAR]

Well done op xxx rooting for you xxxx

[RosaRosaRose]

Your anxiety will try and stop you getting out the door. You are right when you post that. You've been together since teenage, I understand. You love him. I understand. You see him as I a good father. Understood. Don't feel guilty. Move forward one step at a time. Leave, get away and breathe. Once you are clear there is time to think, quietly. Above all, keep yourself safe. We are all here. Help is out there waiting for you. Don't forget that you can call the police if you need to. They will help you too

[sealsandbeachballs]

Agree they won't think you are a bad Mum. You are incredibly brave and strong and you are showing your child that it isn't ok.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Sorry I didn't come back last night had a bit of a meltdown luckily he wasn't around to see it, I'm swinging between guilt and anger today he reminded me how useless he is. I've been up the last few weeks with my lil one teething barely getting 3 hrs of sleep a night. This morning he looked at me when lil one woke up, grinned like a cunt coz I had to get up then rolled over and went back to sleep.... Its makes me think I can do it on my own I do everything anyway even if he calls me useless an I can't cope without him. Sometimes I really hate him

[RosaRosaRose]

You will amaze yourself at how much better you manage alone. He makes you feel useless deliberately. Keeps you tied to him if you feel you can't cope alone. Once you get free of him you'll find strength you'd forgotten you had.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Believe me, it's far easier to do it alone than with an abusive, soul sacking arsehole by your side.

This time next week you will be getting things in place for building your future and you will feel like you are able to breathe for the first time in a long time.

So sorry to hear you had a bit of a meltdown, is there something in particular on your mind, or the situation as a whole?

You are being so strong. One more day closer to freedom now

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Just everything lil ones teething I'm not sleeping, I feel like my life is shit, I don't know really I just feel like I have no control of anything how am I meant to go when I struggle to get through a basic day. I've been looking at bus routes today and have a route planned it will take over 2 he's so let's hope that's far away enough. I'm only 80% sure about leaving today I know I should but I feel useless today. I'm gunna have a coffee an try get through the day :(

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

That should say 2 hrs ....
I'm hoping when I go I can find someone kind enough to donate a small TV an DVD player, lil one won't sleep without TV an has to be rocked so the first night is the one I'm dreading the most. It sounds stupid I know I'm just trying to rationalise with my own head. I feel sick constantly an have barely eaten I need to pull myself together

[sealsandbeachballs]

I wish you were near me. I have a tv and a dvd player you could have.

You need to leave. You can't let your children grow up thinking this is okay.

I didn't think my child had witnessed anything until she reported it to school 😢

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

I tried contacting my mum for help shes ignored me :( god I hate this. The coffee has kinda helped its gotten rid of my headache so that's a positive I guess. He was so nice yesterday and probably will be until I go that's what's making this so bloody hard, I've decided I'm gunna leave a small note so when he gets in its not like I've just vanished. I'll put something along the lines of : I can't do this anymore I'm sorry but last week you went too far, I'll contact you about (child's name) . do you think that's a bad idea ?