Really
You can do this. I know you want to be free and that will happen. Keep calling. I wish there were unlimited places and I wish that bastard wicked cuts and austerity and shitty, shitty measures weren't eroding the safety nets that we have here. I'm afraid it might mean you have to hang on a little tighter while you wait for a lead, but one will come.
If you have gone back, know that that does not make you a failure. We will be here again when you are ready to start again. And I know you will be. I don't think you'll live in that limbo for long. You won't let him consume you. If you're still out, hang in there. Just take it one hour at a time or one day however far you can see ahead.
I was listening to this and I think it describes the experience of leaving an abusive relationship so perfectly I wanted to share it with you.
I made everything come undone
I made everything fall apart
I quit running to the finishing line
And I went back to the start
I found a great, big hole in the middle of my life
Shaped just like my heart, just like my heart
I lost sight of what was under my feet
'Cause I always had to be on top
And I was so drunk on love
That I didn't taste a single drop
And I used to make everything run on time
'Til I made the whole world stop, I made it stop
Now I'm watching the world move in slow motion
Now I'm finding it easy to breathe
For too long I've been trying to walk
In high heels through a river of mud
For too long I've been trying to talk
Over the sound of rushing blood
Where truth is a story scribbled in chalk
Just an hour before the flood, before the flood