Woman's aid - need advice please

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Don't really want to go into detail as it will out me but has anyone ever rung woman's aid once you've walked out the house to leave that day, I need advice on what to expect when I do it myself. I have no family or friends to go to it will be me and my child with a tiny amount of stuff. I have no money or i.d (I wasn't allowed to get a passport ect) please any info on what expect would really help

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

It's a very bad idea.

You shouldn't apologise for anything and don't tell him you'll be in touch.

When you leave ask women's aid to contact the police so if he reports you missing they will know the story.

It is so hard when they are being nice and you catch a glimpse of the man you fell in love with. It would be so much easier if they were bastards all of the time, but this is how they work. Abuse followed by being lovely, making you doubt yourself then more abuse and repeat the cycle.

WA get all sorts donated so ask when you get there.

I had a small TV with free view in the flat I got so there maybe something already.

Remember not to leave any clues where you are going, if your mum ignored you don't ask her for help or tell her where you are, she may side with him.

Stay strong, don't doubt yourself.

[Buzzardbird]

I think it's more than he deserves, but ultimately it's your choice.
WA will make sure you have all you need.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

I just worry about him blowing up for both families sake, he's gunna look for me if he doesn't know I've left. Is it OK to ring WA from the bus ? I'm gunna be heading straight to the council in the area I know is safe so I thought I could go there and ring WA whilst I'm there, he's gunna b able to track me slightly he knows the people at the local shop where Il have to go to top up my oyster an get credit for payg phone, I won't be leaving a trail other than that

[RosaRosaRose]

About the note. Would that make you feel easier in your mind? Don't do it for him, he'll know what he's done, even if he can't admit it to himself, he'll know. On that kind of subject, I know this may seem too far forward but have you thought about contact once you are gone? You'll probably feel guilty because apart from anything else, he's being lovely to you just now. (He knows what he's done, so he's reeling you back in). Until you get on your feet, I think the best way is to have no contact at all, not from him, not about him. He will try his hardest to sweet talk and guilt trip you into 'trying again'. Just a thought to rest at the back of your mind while you focus on your first step of getting to the place where you can be free. (BTW, the refuge I was in had a TV in every bedroom.. Don't know if you're headed to one but just saying) Keep going. x

[Mycatsabastard]

Don't leave him a note and don't even think about contact with the child. At this point you need to be concerned about getting away safely. You need to cut contact with him and stop worrying about how he feels.

Just leave, get what you need from the shop, get on the bus and then make the calls.

You will come through this. Get angry at him, stop worrying about how he will cope with you gone. WA will be able to help you every step of the way.

Stay strong and focused. You are doing the right thing x

[RosaRosaRose]

Of course you can ring WA from the bus. Get them to ring you back to save your credit. ( write your number on your wrist, you may find you won't remember it in the rush of the moment) Don't tell ANYONE where you are going except WA and get them to tell the police so you can start a 'log' to protect you and your family. x

[sealsandbeachballs]

Can you ring WA once your at the council offices so your already safe?

Does he know the people in the shops as mates or just to chat to?

[sealsandbeachballs]

But yes ringing on the bus is fine!

You CAN do this.

[rhuhbarb4]

I couldn't just read and run on this I have no advice but just want to send you and your child hugs and a well done on finding the strength to do this. Please keep us updated as and when you can so we all know your safe and well. Good luck and be strong.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

He won't get any information from knowing you've topped up your phone and card so don't worry about that.

You can call from the bus, as pp said, they will call you back. Or the council can call them for you.

You're one day closer now op, you can do this. Hope you're doing OK today. I know you wobbled a bit the other day.

It will be a bit chaotic for a few days, but it does get better, you will get sorted and you and your child won't go without.

[RosaRosaRose]

Just thought I'd let you know we're still here, thinking about you. As Elsa says - one day closer. You'll be feeling scared to death and trying to act normal I would guess. The sense of relief and disbelief when you are on that bus will wash over you tho. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and be determined. Once you are out, you are out - you just have to get to that bus. You are very brave, keep being brave for you and you lil one. Willing you to do this and with you every step xxxxxx

[ohtheholidays]

I've only just seen this thread is anyone on here intouch with the OP?

If you are I know a bit about womens aid(I've helped some other ladies get away from violent marriages)and about the law and what the OP can do and how she can keep herself safe online.

I don't want to mention any of it on here incase the ops partner has found this thread and I don't want to message the op incase he has access to her messages.

[YawningKasm]

As well as the physical violence, what you're being subjected to is "Coercive control." It's illegal: you can go to the police and report this - your husband is committing a crime.

Good luck

[awfulpersonme]

Just read this. Wanted to say I'm thinking of you .

[FruitCider]

Do not leave a note. I'd recommend buying a new SIM card if you can afford one X

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Hi everyone sorry I haven't been on just been trying to get through each day, I'm trying really hard not to think about going its making me panic and I'm sure he's picking up on it, I have an old sim its one I've had stashed away when he forced me onto a contract, I'm still terrified of going I've been sick twice this morning :( anxiety is a bitch.
He hasn't got a clue about this thread as far as know and even if he found it I've put such little info on I doubt he would know its me an he has no access to my MN account I use this on a private browser. Tbh right now I have no interest in involving police it will make the situation worse for my family when I leave. They will be the ones he goes to looking for me. I've managed to wash and put away a few clothes an toys for my lil one for on the journey when I go. I just hope and pray none of his friends see me on the bus or I'm screwed. Thanks for all the kind words and support I'm only making it through this because of you all

[BertieBotts]

If you are worried he will go to the police, it might be a good idea to let them know first, or ask refuge staff to make them aware. As you are an adult and you're going into refuge the police will not be able to tell him where you are. So you don't need to worry about that.

Good luck, another person here rooting for you. x

[sashh]

OP

Make sure the GPS on your phone is switched off.

You will probably get a TV from freecycle.

GL you can do this and it is for the best.

[Lightbulbon]

Good luck

[ohtheholidays]

Glad you've come back on OP this is the link for womens aid if you look on they're page they have a part that shows you how to cover your tracks online www.womensaid.org.uk/

That way you can start looking on there now and find out the information you want.

Like others have said don't leave a note for him!

This has got some information on there that you might find helpful
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

I mentioned the Police,but that wasn't to suggest that you contact them but to let you know that you will not get into any trouble via the Police or SS for removing your child from the situation,quite the opposite the Police and SS would always rather that any women in danger of abuse would leave the property with they're child/children as soon as was safely possible for them.

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

You are doing amazingly well.

Look what you've achieved so far.

You've realised that this relationship is abusive, that's huge, especially after living it for a decade, you've found the strength to decide to get out, that's massive anyway, but considering you have anxiety it takes even more courage, you've made your plan, again, don't underestimate how big that is, and you've managed to keep things 'normal' for days while you wait for your opportunity.

You have strength you don't even realise. It's not us on this thread that are keeping you going, it's all down to you.
You've achieved so much already, you really have. You CAN do this.

You are so very nearly there op

[ElsaAintAsColdAsMe]

Also there is plenty of time to decide if you want to involve the police. Women's aid will help you if you want to, and if you don't that's fine too. Just concentrate on getting away and getting safe, everything else can wait.

[newtothenet]

Get in touch with womens aid as soon as you can. They will help you to sort everything out. They support you with short term and long term housing, finances, counseling, contacting the police / counselling. They work in partnership with all local agencies such as social services, social landlords, schools, rape crisis etc and go above and beyond to "crisis manage" (ie who will look after my dog, how will i get the kids to school, where can I get clothes, bedding, toiletries from etc). As well as long term empowerment and support groups. They will never judge and won't force you to do anything you're not happy with. Please make contact with them OP.

[ReallyNeedSomeHelpAsap]

Elsa you have me in tears its been so hard the last few weeks things got bad quick Ive barely had time to get my head around everything I knew he had complete control of me but didn't expect the level of violence I received, I know I have to do this and I will , its the constant fights I'm having in my head that I'm really struggling with, I haven't been on a bus in 3 years ! Before my lil one came along I wouldn't leave the house for months at a go, since having my child I've been getting out to all the health meetings ect but im not fully there yet. It can take a week of precise planning to do a shopping trip for me its a joke. This is such a huge step for me and I can't find the proper words to describe the fear I'm feeling.
I'd love to call WA today but he's always around an after the fight he's been even more clingy. I think my best bet is to get to the council office and call from there, I just hope the person in the council can deal with a sobbing, emotional wreck. I can barely look in the mirror I feel disgusted with myself for allowing this to happen