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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

feeling fragile-sex on second date and he hasnt called!

323 replies

sallybee30 · 10/08/2016 19:41

hi all, feeling very foolish as I slept with this man too soon and presume I'm not going to hear now..
background is , I'm 48, been out of the dating game for a while and joined an introduction agency a few months ago which is pretty expensive presumably to stop time wasters etc. have met several men with occasional dates, all fine but didn't want to take them any further-until this one-we chatted on the phone a few times then met him and just thought"wow"-he told me he also was really pleasantly surprised and after several calls/texts arranged dinner, a really amazing night out with a choice of really lovely restaurants with cocktails first. I thought the date was going really well and he was really keen -we then went back to his as it was very close by and ...did the deed. I did say it was a bit soon and he said what did it matter, then seemed to cool a bit and eventually got me a cab home ,kissed me and texted me to check I got home ok and he had a great night-but no other plans. this was Monday night and I've heard nothing. the agency does have members etiquette rules and I know they will be asking us both for feedback soon but just cant help feeling it was a premeditated plan to get laid. if so why not just go to a bar? he is extremely attractive, wealthy and sociable. have I just been played? sorry its so long I'm a newbie poster!!!

OP posts:

Lovelydiscusfish · 10/08/2016 19:44

So sorry to hear you are left feeling like this. However, it's not been that long. Could you contact him?

rumred · 10/08/2016 19:45

Little time or effort is needed to text. Sorry but I'd think he's backed off. Shitty but common.

Cary2012 · 10/08/2016 19:47

Yes, possibly you've been played, who knows? But it's early days, so he may still get in touch. My advice-you had a lovely evening, so if he doesn't get in touch, take it for the nice time it was, and move on. Don't you contact him though, no, no, no!

Original poster

sallybee30 · 10/08/2016 19:47

I just feel its up to him ,I know it would give me closure if I asked him but have my pride! he's also going on holiday in a day or 2, for 3 weeks so thought he would be in touch before

OP posts:

Cary2012 · 10/08/2016 19:49

Hold onto that pride!

PepsiPenguins · 10/08/2016 19:49

Have you text him?

Minime85 · 10/08/2016 19:49

Ah sorry op but it does sound a little bit that way. I don't think you did anything wrong though so don't blame yourself. As another poster said you had a good night and just put it down to experience.

Original poster

sallybee30 · 10/08/2016 19:50

also as I said I've been out of the game, is this accepted behaviour in a man his age now, and why join an agency that's supposed to be for people serious about relationships? if I'd met him in a bar would have had my "player" radar on a lot stronger!

OP posts:

JeepersMcoy · 10/08/2016 19:52

Maybe he is sitting at home worrying he was terrible and you never want to see him again because you haven't texted or called.

Toocold · 10/08/2016 19:52

Why don't you text him? Perhaps he is waiting for you to text, it's also fine to sleep with someone as and when you want to, it's the 21st century and you are entitled to have sex as much as he is as and when you want to, with a consenting person of course! Don't waste time playing it coy if you like him, what's the worse that can happen?.. He won't text back, then you can move on.

PepsiPenguins · 10/08/2016 19:52

Sorry crossed posts!

I have no idea why you can't text him, I know so many people say "you must not text him" but I think if you have been naked with someone why not text and say had a lovely evening? Maybe he has also been out of "action" for a while he equally might be sitting at home thinking "she thought I was shit in bed"

SandyY2K · 10/08/2016 19:55

Men eh. Just because I couldn't help myself, I'd probably text saying 'I hope you enjoy your holiday and safe journey'.

If he didn't respond to that, then I'd assume he wasn't interested any more.

Sorry about his behaviour.

purplefox · 10/08/2016 19:56

So you haven't contacted him since? Why is it down to him to do the contacting?

Original poster

sallybee30 · 10/08/2016 19:57

I did text him back on the night to say yes I did get home safe and also had a great night ,and I did say post-coital "that was lovely" so he's had some encouragement!
still feel a bit stupid as I'm not emotionally strong enough for this rejection really-but its so long since I even fancied anyone like this,I suppose I just took the plunge..

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 10/08/2016 19:59

Monday was 48 hours ago

By tomorrow surely you can text and say lets meet up again - he might do it first though

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 10/08/2016 20:01

He hasn't texted you but then you haven't texted him either. Send a friendly non-committal text. If he doesn't text back then you know.

And don't feel bad about having sex on the second date. Shagging is the fun bit about dating!

LaurieFairyCake · 10/08/2016 20:01

In fact if you boffed him isn't it about 30 hours since you saw him last

timelytess · 10/08/2016 20:01

Bolster yourself up with your favourite treat, forget him and get back on the site to find someone else. In a week or two reflect on how it has affected you. No longer bothered? Forge ahead. Still uncomfortable with it? Get to know people better before you have sex with them.

You haven't done anything wrong. No need to feel fragile :)

MyBreadIsEggy · 10/08/2016 20:01

He might be like my DH: appear cool and confident on the surface, but really isn't!
He might be sitting there worried that you didn't enjoy the date/the sex because you haven't texted/called him.
If it was me, I would drop a subtle text saying that you remembered him saying her was going on holiday at the end of the week, and you hope he enjoys it....then hopefully the conversation will flow from there and you'll get your answers

MyBreadIsEggy · 10/08/2016 20:02

And as others have said, don't worry about sex on the second date!! I lost my virginity to my DH on our second date!

Destinysdaughter · 10/08/2016 20:03

You did nothing wrong. Maybe you aren't ready yet. Dating in your 40s can be both confusing and brutal!

Come and join us on the dating thread if you want ongoing support with this OP, lots of good advice and support, similar experiences and a bit of a laugh!

Dutchcourage · 10/08/2016 20:04

God I don't miss the dating game.

I'd like to say ignore him and move on but I'd probably text and say "hi fancy a drink before you go away"

You eill be able to gauge from his response what his motives are

Original poster

sallybee30 · 10/08/2016 20:05

thanks all! he was pretty good at it so yes I did enjoy it!!!
starting to think the holiday text at the end of the week might be a good one.
I just feel so old and have no idea how long people wait for sex now!

OP posts:

PepsiPenguins · 10/08/2016 20:05

Then that's a bit different, he could of course be playing the stupid must wait three day rule before saying "watcha doing" text, but it is a very shitty thing to do not to text you back - I'm really sorry as your obviously very delicate at the moment.

But look at this way, if he is playing games do you really want to date someone like that? I don't think you do really :) and it's a good test of moving on and getting rid of the ones that aren't worth your time better to know now than in six months

The first one after the LTR is the hardest, it will get easier

Shoztom · 10/08/2016 20:06

I don't think it matters you did it on the second date when you both had admitted to liking each other a lot. You're both consenting adults and that's up to you.
Maybe you could just drop him a text and say you had a nice time and if he fancies meeting up again it would be nice. If he doesn't reply then that's just really shitty of him and he's not worth it anyway, you'll find someone better!

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