feeling fragile-sex on second date and he hasnt called!

[sallybee30]

hi all, feeling very foolish as I slept with this man too soon and presume I'm not going to hear now..
background is , I'm 48, been out of the dating game for a while and joined an introduction agency a few months ago which is pretty expensive presumably to stop time wasters etc. have met several men with occasional dates, all fine but didn't want to take them any further-until this one-we chatted on the phone a few times then met him and just thought"wow"-he told me he also was really pleasantly surprised and after several calls/texts arranged dinner, a really amazing night out with a choice of really lovely restaurants with cocktails first. I thought the date was going really well and he was really keen -we then went back to his as it was very close by and ...did the deed. I did say it was a bit soon and he said what did it matter, then seemed to cool a bit and eventually got me a cab home ,kissed me and texted me to check I got home ok and he had a great night-but no other plans. this was Monday night and I've heard nothing. the agency does have members etiquette rules and I know they will be asking us both for feedback soon but just cant help feeling it was a premeditated plan to get laid. if so why not just go to a bar? he is extremely attractive, wealthy and sociable. have I just been played? sorry its so long I'm a newbie poster!!!

There's a dating thread on here, think it's 'tempting temptress 106' thread. Number 1 rule is to get a thicker-skin for online dating and hold off on DTD

I didn't have a thick-skin when my longterm relationship had ended. Advice from MNs on that group helped me realise that I needed to slow down. I'm only just dating now after 7 month break.

I'd say you aren't strong enough yet and need to be more confident in yourself before dating. Sounds like you felt very encouraged to DTD.

I'd still be hurt if that happened to me, but I'd go into things with more awareness and personal confidence now.

You sound lovely BTW, you just need to fiind someone better.

My posts are taking forever to actually bloody post!

Your not old OP!! Not at all :) and you won't be alone for long unless you choose to be! My mum met my "dad" when she was late 40's he was undoubtably the love of her life, she had some fun, some uncomfortable moments before and thought she would be alone forever as she was "old"

If it was conssesual and on the second date then he's not 'played' you. You met twice, shagged and it hasn't gone anywhere. He doesn't owe you anything, same as you don't owe him. Not great to not contact, but that's working both ways, but hey - two dates.

I think you should relax. Do not text. He is allowed to think things over without you hassling him.

changing my mind a bit...yes I think he's pretty selfish really, and if he doesn't contact me maybe wont send the holiday txt. you are all right, I am too fragile for this, starting to worry I am the crap shag!!!!

Maybe send him a text and ask if he would like to meet up for a coffee (or insert something else casual) before you go on holiday on X day.

If he fails to respond, you will know. If you never contact him and he never contacts you, you will never know if he was too shy to text/call or if he didn't want to see you again.

Not contacting him is also a decision and is actually also rejecting him in a way.

Without hassling him?

She sent a text saying thank you for a nice evening, she's hardly turned up at his house in a wedding dress!

After having sex with someone it's perfectly reasonable to expect a response back after this amount of time.

Why is he selfish?

He's attractive, wealthy, sociable and he knows you like him.

Get on with your life, you might hear from him, you probably won't. Contacting him won't change the eventual outcome. It is what it is.

So long as you wanted to have sex with him, then I don't think there is any such thing as 'too soon' to have sex.

I had sex with dh ridicoulusley quick within an hr of meeting him he married me six months later so having sex quickly or waiting bears no relation to wether it will work or not of he was just after a shag then hes no loss i wouyld text him and take it from there .

Sally I doubt it if you had fun, I'm sure he did too.

And if not meh... not everyone is compatible in that area :)

I'd be focusing on batchelor number 2 if I were you :) because I think you may have decided your not wanting games and games are a foot here imo

I'd text and ask. I couldn't be doing with all this pussy footing around. I think if you've seen his willy you shoul be able to ask him a simple question.

There are lots of possibly reasons he hasn't texted unless you ask him he won't know.

If you met him through a dating agency then it's ok to ask him if he wants to date you.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2682215-tinder-temptresses-unite-it-s-dating-thread-106
This is link but cut-and-paste as I'm not sure short way of adding.

I don't understand why the first text has to be from him? Men, however attractive and wealthy etc etc can be insecure too

oh and i think it took dh about two days to get in touch after the first night.

OP updated and she did text him

I would just send him a text. I don't do game playing.

Hi, I had a great time on Monday night. Would you like to meet up again after your holiday?

He'll reply, or he won't. His loss if not. I get the feeling fragile thing and I'm sorry it's causing you angst. I'd be angsty too. I am too thin-skinned and I get too emotionally invested too soon - but it helps that I also don't wait for them to contact me. Sod the rules. You'll feel better.

I don't get why you think you were played or why you think he was selfish.

He might have played you and he might be selfish but he might not be either. I don't see that he was anymore responsible for you both having sex than you were.

She texted him and said it was lovely and he hasn't been arsed to reply.
And now you want her to text him again, this time asking for a date?

its scary because I realise I don't really know him at all...I felt instantly at ease with him which is rare for me and we have chatted quite a bit, but being charming is not the same as being nice. all these things I learnt once upon a time that are coming back to me!

But I also don't believe in this must wait three days, must not look desperate, must not say what you want if you want a relationship

Blah blah blah

Its 2016 not 1952 where women should not make the first move, and should be reduced to looking out of windows hoping a man on a horse would ride past and catch their eye.

Like em, text em - if they don't reply move onto the next one. The good ones, the ones who like you, even the really bloody shy ones won't be put off by you texting to say you enjoyed your time together

"Why didn't you answer" sent via text every hour for two days then they might run off but it shouldn't be a big issue to text someone after you have had sex.

Where did OP update ????