feeling fragile-sex on second date and he hasnt called!

[sallybee30]

hi all, feeling very foolish as I slept with this man too soon and presume I'm not going to hear now..
background is , I'm 48, been out of the dating game for a while and joined an introduction agency a few months ago which is pretty expensive presumably to stop time wasters etc. have met several men with occasional dates, all fine but didn't want to take them any further-until this one-we chatted on the phone a few times then met him and just thought"wow"-he told me he also was really pleasantly surprised and after several calls/texts arranged dinner, a really amazing night out with a choice of really lovely restaurants with cocktails first. I thought the date was going really well and he was really keen -we then went back to his as it was very close by and ...did the deed. I did say it was a bit soon and he said what did it matter, then seemed to cool a bit and eventually got me a cab home ,kissed me and texted me to check I got home ok and he had a great night-but no other plans. this was Monday night and I've heard nothing. the agency does have members etiquette rules and I know they will be asking us both for feedback soon but just cant help feeling it was a premeditated plan to get laid. if so why not just go to a bar? he is extremely attractive, wealthy and sociable. have I just been played? sorry its so long I'm a newbie poster!!!

It's only been two days.
Don't text but don't give up on him yet.

I'm still not clear which Monday it was, if Monday 8th you could still hear from him.

I don't think this is a biggie yet. Have you not considered the fact that he could be feeling exactly as you are at the moment? Take control & text him. Otherwise you'll tie yourself up in knots.

only 2 days! give him a chance....

This thread proves that open communication is the most important thing when you are dating. Loads o replies from posters who wouldn't dream of texting and loads from posters who think you are daft not too...

How are men supposed to know the rules if women haven't a clue what they are.

I don't think the amount of time you wait before having sex has anything to do with it, I've slept with men in a first date if I've felt like it, sometimes it's worked out, sometimes it doesn't. I also waited until date 9 to sleep with someone and he turned into a dick straight afterwards. It's just how it works. Sorry you feel sad OP. I don't think you've been played, but I don't think he's interested in you. Sometimes (especially after drinks have been consumed) it's easy to get caught up in the moment and think you've found your soulmate when you haven't.

I can't believe some people think you should text him. Definitely do not text him!
Wait it out but if not just chalk it up to experience - you've done nothing wrong and you wouldnt want him anyway if this is how he behaves. On to the next

"Why not go to a bar?"

Because it's much easier to get a woman into bed this way.

Some men are players. It's just that simple.

Move on.

Am I reading it wrong or did you have sex on the first date?

Girl they had sex on the first date. What's your point?

It was the second date.

They met,

Then they arranged dinner.

Fwiw OP I think it's about expectations - if you know that you'll expect a relationship to develop once you've had sex, then you need to take control of that. That either means biting the bullet and talking about it with potential partners - "I really fancy you and want to jump you, but I'm just not into doing that then never hearing from you. It makes me feel crappy". Or it means waiting until a relationship has developed securely before you have sex.

Oh honestly! What on earth is wrong with OP texting? It's been 2 days since he left (plus a few hours) and he may still just be enjoying the memory. I'd text just to say hey how's it going? Ready for hol? Let's catch up when you're back?

I'd text just to say hey how's it going? Ready for hol? Let's catch up when you're back?

No no no no. She'd look desperate and needy. Its basic psychology. If he hasn't got in touch its because he's not bothered. All she might get from re-initiating contact is another night of casual sex. It doesnt sound like that is what she's after. Forget him and move on OP.

He might be thinking she isn't bothered because she has not got in touch with him...

I can't see how you would look desperate and needy by sending a text unless it was proposing marriage or something.

Isn't it possible that he is feeling 'played' and is waiting for the OP to call him. He texted after the date to check see was ok and she replied in a casual way that DIDNT mention meeting up again. He may have interpreted this as a dear john text.

HIM. Hi, hope you had a nice time and that you got home ok
HER I got home ok. I had a lovely time. Thanks 🤔🤔🤔
...... but no suggestion to meet up??

Why is it seen as 'desperate' for the OP to send a text but not the guy.

I find this thread really enlightening as to how complicated it all is an how old fashioned a lot of women are.

I don't get this. Why don't you text him?

I enjoyed our evening on Monday, sorry to not have been in touch. Hope you've had a good week. Let me know if you're up for meeting when you get back from holiday.

And in the meantime decide whether you want a relationship or just nights out and lovely sex.

Hi op
I've recently been in a similar situation and it's awful.
The positive is that the sex was good.
I think just chalk it down to experience.

Of course it's not needy and desperate to send a text a couple of days later. This isn't a game which must be led by the bloke. Needy would be texting thr next morning several times trying to see him again asap.

There is an etiquette to after date texting. If you were the last person to text and then you text again, you WILL look desperate because you are.

Jayne what you are describing isn't needy, it's scary.

There's only an etiquette if everyone knows it.

Yes. If you had sex on Monday and he still hasnt got in contact, its because it didnt mean anything to him and he doesnt care.

He should be falling over himself to get in touch and arrange to see you. If he isnt, its cos he doesnt give a shit. Sorry.

I cant believe how many people on here would so easily get played. If you text now, its like a green light saying "i'm lonely and needy - come and spend the night with me again then disappear, i'm fine with that."

Yes she could text even just to confirm if he's interested or not. But more than likely he would send a non-commital reply out of politeness eg yes let's catch up when I get back from my 3 week holiday. In the meantime op is hanging around wondering if he will contact her when he gets back.

It's prolonging the agony. If he was really keen he would have texted already, all excited and enthusiastic and op would know it.

Jayne we disagree on that one.