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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This is a sure way to start an argument!!

189 replies

WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:21

I go to try an arrange something for us to do at the weekend (or anything) for when his kids are here so they aren't bored out their brain again and when I try to get a straight answer he says "I don't want an argument" Angry Angry like I fucking do? Just say yes or no! Make one decision for once in your life ffs! He want to leave everything to me (even opening his mail) but when I need an answer I'm "harassing" him! Arrrrrrrrrrr!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:24

And if I say "you do it then" I'm unsupportive and he resents me (coz I don't work yes as I'm not allowed to ask him for any kind of child care for our son.....btw who I wanted so should owe him the fucking earth for all eternity.

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NorksAreMessy · 27/07/2016 22:29

T.his sounds an uncomfortable way to live. :(
Keep talking

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:33

I feel like a pa and house keeper, he shows me no love, he bearly looks at me (unless he want something done for him). His treatment towards his other kids is hugely different to owe son. He will tell our son (3) not to play with dsd (10) old toys that she bearly looks at. But when she's here he will tell our son off if dsd wants something our son is playing with Sad

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ChicagoBullz · 27/07/2016 22:35

One of the reasons ex is an ex. Used to drive me fucking mad having to 'wear the trousers' & make all the decisions because he would defer to me like a child all the time.
Actually that's offensive to children Grin
One memorable time during one of many many difficult weekends he was driving us into town. He started the car & then asked me 'which way shall I go into town?' FFS arrrrrrrrgh I laugh about it now though

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:36

He says he resents that I haven't yet gone back to work and compares me to his ex who has work. But I don't feel that's fair, she had thier son very young and had and still has her parents as babysitters. My mum is dead and I have no family near by to have our DS

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Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:38

He's hit me, kicked me strangled me and stood on my neck. He's been arrested and now has a CR. Why can't I just leave this controlling arse?

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Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:40

I currently have a bruise on my arm (from a week and a half ago) from him punching me to "calm me down" ( I was upset I didn't feel loved) and has made me cover up in the heat all week and told me to make sure family don't se it

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Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:40

I shouldn't be posting all this. I've had a bit to drink and will regret it tomorrow

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Walkacrossthesand · 27/07/2016 22:40

Who does he think would look after DS if you went back to work, if he won't look after DS at all?

GettingScaredNow · 27/07/2016 22:41

This sounds very much like my STBXH. Very frustrating way of controlling you.

The physical violence on the other hand... WTAF.

You need to leave. And now. Before he starts on your son or kills you.

WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ayeokthen · 27/07/2016 22:43

Because it is hell of a hard to leave a controlling, abusive relationship. It took XH belting me in front of DS for me to leave after 8 years of it. There are loads of places you can contact for advice and support on how to leave, both emotional and practical support. Google women's aid and you'll find someone who can help. Don't be so tough on yourself, nobody knows how mentally and emotionally drained and exhausted an abusive relationship makes you feel until they've been there. It's quite literally soul destroying. When you make the decision to leave, you have you believe you can do it. Because you can.

Walkacrossthesand · 27/07/2016 22:43

Just seen your update...have you talked to anyone? Womens Aid?

NorksAreMessy · 27/07/2016 22:43

Why CANT you leave this abusive man? What is stopping you?
We can help you get out, and get your children out of this appalling situation.
What help do you need?

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:44

He won't touch our son, he loves him

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ayeokthen · 27/07/2016 22:44

I didn't see the photos before I posted. Please please please take your son and get as far away from this abusive bastard as you can. Before he kills you or your son.

ayeokthen · 27/07/2016 22:45

WhoGivesAFlying, I thought that too. Then during a court ordered overnight he smacked him so hard there was a bruise 2 days later (he was 2 years old and has autism)

GettingScaredNow · 27/07/2016 22:47

Don't be fooled.
He loves controlling you. And that is his whole purpose. It feeds him.
One day you will start breaking away.
And he WILL use your son to bring you back down into line.
Even if it isn't physical, then the mental and emotional abuse your son is, IS, already suffering at the hands of this fuckface is wrong.
And don't think he doesn't see it, he does.

Women's aid and mumsnet helped me get out. STBXH was arrested and is gone now.

ImperialBlether · 27/07/2016 22:48

He doesn't love your son. He sounds absolutely disgusting, tbh and your life is at risk.

Call Women's Aid as soon as you can safely do so.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:48

Is this totally anonymous? I do t want MN reporting anything

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Getit · 27/07/2016 22:48

Whogivesaflying - That is awful, he is a violent man. You must seek assistance to leave him. I know its not going to be easy for you but it must be better than that!!!. Your ds should not be around him or see his mum hurt. You are worthy of so much more.

Wallywobbles · 27/07/2016 22:50

Jesus. Start making a plan. You cannot stay. It can take ages to leave. Please see the GP so there is an independent record of abuse. Make that you first step.

Primaryteach87 · 27/07/2016 22:51

Oh lovely. I hope you this is a step toward you realising you need to leave. Abusuve men doing any kind of Strangling is very very high risk for you of being seriously hurt or killed.

I've worked in a women's refuge. There are people who can help, but you have to decide. It doesn't matter what we say here (and you'll be inundated with people saying leave! Now!). You decide. Decide you've had enough and your son has had enough.

I hope you can, but in the meantime keep talking and delete your internet history. X

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 22:54

This is totally anonymous but please make sure your abusive piece of shit "partner" does not check your pc/phone history

he is a coward and just about the worst kind of parent there is

Please reach out to someone in RL and tell them what you have told us x

jacrispy · 27/07/2016 22:55

How would you feel if you had a dad and she had those bruises? Leave him please don't stay there it's only going to get worse and worse. I grew up with domestic violence think of how your ds is feeling when he hears this I remember and it's not nice it's ruined all my childhood memories. I was always on edge because daddy might beat mommy up any minute please phone woman's aid and get out of there you and ds deserve better than this nothing that you could have ever have done could deserve that. And no partner would ever raise a hand to somebody they truly love. Please leave pack everything you need and go I wish my dm did this when I was younger instead I resent her a bit for keeping me in that environment.

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