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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

This is a sure way to start an argument!!

189 replies

WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:21

I go to try an arrange something for us to do at the weekend (or anything) for when his kids are here so they aren't bored out their brain again and when I try to get a straight answer he says "I don't want an argument" Angry Angry like I fucking do? Just say yes or no! Make one decision for once in your life ffs! He want to leave everything to me (even opening his mail) but when I need an answer I'm "harassing" him! Arrrrrrrrrrr!

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 22:56

I just can't imagin a life without him....yet he doesn't show me much love. I do everything wrong, wash his clothes wrong, cook the food wrong, I've been made to look like a wicked step mother, I've only asked for a set bedtime and to tidy after themselves, and that doesn't always happen and I say amything in made to look like tha bad one.ninwill request something and he will run it by his 10 year old DD! I have no say in my own house. I spend eow in my room

OP posts:
WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/07/2016 22:57

You poor thing. He has destroyed your confidence and self esteem, to the point where you believe this is all you're worth, it's not, but you won't listen to anyone just yet. However, your dear sweet child is at risk here. You say he wouldn't hurt him because he loves him..he IS hurting him. Do you think your DS doesn't hear/see anything? He does, and it's not fair on him.

However bad it is, I know it's still hard to leave/get rid, but please, before the bruises become broken bones or head injuries, find a way out for you and your child. You must protect him at all costsFlowers

TentPegsAndWetWipes · 27/07/2016 22:57

OP poor you Sad
You sound so weary. Perhaps you need to do all the things you need to leave (paperwork copies etc) on autopilot before really deciding to leave iyswim, to make it easier to go for it.

jacrispy · 27/07/2016 22:58

Imagine a life without treading on eggshells that's a life without that excuse of a human! Women aid will help you and get you out of there safe.

CandODad · 27/07/2016 22:58

OP are you okay right now? Sober? You started out by saying he insists you run his life for him but then move on to saying he controls everything and does let you decide anything?
Do you need to stay safe tonight and think freshly in the morning?

mumofthemonsters808 · 27/07/2016 22:58

You shouldn't be living like this, it's not normal for a man to be treating you so viciously, he's a vile, abusive, violent excuse for a man and I'm sorry that you are putting up with this.Please do something about this, you can't continue in this excuse for a life, you deserve so much more.

Garbadgeman · 27/07/2016 22:58

Yes it's anonymous OP, MN won't report anything. Honestly though sweetheart those bruises are appalling, you don't have to live like that. It feels impossible when you're in the middle of it but you can leave and you can be free of him, please talk to Womens Aid, they can help you Flowers

Costacoffeeplease · 27/07/2016 23:00

Call women's aid, the police, anyone who will help you leave the fucking bastard

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:00

I know what I need to do....I just need the courage. We are not happy. I have an interview next week, we have a mortgage, I can't think that far ahead. I do me to leave, I want to be happy and loved

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:00

I do *need to

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 23:00

Op with bruises like that he was an actual whisper away from breaking your arm

You. The mother of his dc.

Next time he strangles you he just needs to press a tiny bit harder and he will leave his son motherless. And fatherless. Strangling is one of the red flag signs acknowledged by DV research as a boundary-crossing gateway to GBH and more. When he puts his hands around your neck he literally silences you. He has no respect for your safety and for your life. He does not love you...he sees you as an object to control, no matter what bullshit he says to appease you.

AyeAmarok · 27/07/2016 23:02

Oh my word, those bruises.

They are awful OP, really awful.

Would you consider speaking to a DV officer from the police?

This is a terrible way for you to live.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:02

I'm not drunk, just had a few glasses, not drunk though. I'm not drinking again tonight.

OP posts:
e1y1 · 27/07/2016 23:02

LEAVE. HIM. NOW.

This will only get worse, one day he may hit, in just the wrong way and end your life. i

I know you say he would not hurt your DS, but it only needs to take that one thing for your bastard H (can't bring myself to refer to him as DH) to snap and lash out at your son, it may not be now, but what about when he is older/teenager and does something wrong?

Please for the love of God, leave. You don't want your son being brought up in an abusive home - it will mess his head up.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 27/07/2016 23:03

Please be careful OP.. Don't leave anything open on your phone/tablet etc..

Keep posting here, and please please please, listen to all the sound advice you are being given.

I'm very afraid for you x

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:04

When he did that to my arm he was pulling up on my neck at the same time and telling me he fucking hated me, my wind pipe really hurt the next day

OP posts:
Gazelda · 27/07/2016 23:06

Please reach out to someone or an organisation that can help you leave him. You should do this urgently, but I worry that if you make the move without good support, you will find yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position.

AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 23:06

He could have ruptured your carotid artery doing that.

You would have bled out.

A dead mother. A father in prison.

This is the future your son is facing. Could anything be worse than that ?

WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 27/07/2016 23:06

Those bruises are really bad. And the fact he has stood on your neck. This man is very likely to kill you.

You could call the police now and have him removed from the house.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:06

What a mess Sad. I should probably go to bed. All this because he was sitting at the computer with his card and the page opened on the booking site yet he still wanted me to get up and to book it. And because he didn't want to I was told he "didn't want an argument"

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AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 23:08

Please stop analysing and start acting. Tomorrow. But he must not know.

jacrispy · 27/07/2016 23:08

Please go sweetie please. Your life is going to go one of two ways one way your in the ground because of that waste of a human. Or two a stronger woman who's around to see her dcs grow up because she walked away before it was too late. Please let it be the latter.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:09

He has questioned is staying together, he is scared of what might happen if there was a next time. He said he never did this to his ex, never laid a finger on her and I am more fiery

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AnyFucker · 27/07/2016 23:11

He blames you for his assaults on you ? Nice.

The police would not see it that way

You cannot fight him, love. You just have to get away from.him.

Original poster
WhoGivesAFlying · 27/07/2016 23:17

I need to sort this, I need to have a clear head. I'm going to see how this weekend pans out and if he's actually for one going to stick to what he's agreed to with his kids. I'm 37 so still young enough to start again, that's one plus!

OP posts: