I just hit DP

[Icklepickle101]

I feel awful.

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face. At the dinner table. In front of my parents. Now I've stormed off and am sat feeling sorry for myself and like a horrible horrible person and he's just told me if I ever hit him like it again he will hit me back

What the fuck have I done.

We have never ever ever been violent towards each other and he is honestly an amazing man. I just don't know what to do or how to make things right.

Have you apologised?
Absolutely unacceptable to hit anyone op

Yes.

I feel like this has changed things between us for good, I can't see us being the same again.

I don't know what came over me, I love him, he's the father to my baby, my best friend and I hit him I've a stupid game.

Why was he prodding and poking you?How old is he OP is he very young?

If the genders were reversed every person here would tell her to call the police and leave him. It's no more acceptable this way round.
I'm not sure what the answer is but I think you need to stay elsewhere for a while.

Why was he prodding and poking you? Why didn't he stop when you asked him?

Out of order OP. But does he regularly goad you in this way?

I agree with oysterbabe
No matter how much "goading" op felt she had it is no excuse to HIT her partner.

I think she realises it isn't right.

Of corse I realise I acted so un

I suspect this thread will be under close scrutiny and any posters who don't condemn you roundly, OP, will be held up as examples of terrible double standards and sexism on MN. That debate will likely take over the thread.

It sounds like a very extreme overreaction on your part and pardon me for my hideous misandry in not telling you to hand yourself into the police forthwith, but is there a backstory? Have you reacted like this before? How old is your baby and is there any chance you have PND? I feel sorry for your DP, it sounds like an extremely upsetting incident.

Of course I realise how u acted was wrong, I don't know why I posted really. I'm just in a bad place

As an adult, have you ever hit anyone before?

Perhaps you should ask DP if he's ever felt like you're OTT, particularly physically?

If it was me I'd want to know if I had a problem or this was completely a one-off. Either way I think your DP could ask you to seek psychological support.

Of course you know it was wrong to hit him.

But tell us about this prodding and poking. Was he laughing whilst you were visibly uncomfortable? Have you experienced people overstepping the physical boundaries with you before - touching you when you've asked them to stop?

No back story, we are genuinely happy together and never had even a big argument let alone anything like this! Baby is nearly 5 months and I have been struggling a bit with emotions (posted about it the other day) but I'm not sure it is PND and I don't feel like I should make excuses for the way I behaved

Why do you say you're in a bad place? Are there other things going on?

Oops, x post.

He was messing around, jabbing me in the ribs and thigh, just a childish game, I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach and I just flipped and hit him and then apologised and am sat in our room.

There may be no excuse for your behaviour and it's up to your DP to decide what he wants to do in response to this but either way, if you feel like you're struggling emotionally and you have now shocked yourself by losing control in this way then I think you should seek help, perhaps starting with your GP.

And had he said sorry? Because his actions were out of order here too, and it would be awful if he brushed his actions under the carpet because of your reaction.

Has he said sorry, I mean, not had.

He was messing around, jabbing me in the ribs and thigh, just a childish game, I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach

It's only a game if you're both enjoying it. Would he poke, prod and jab anyone else in the stomach when they'd told him to stop? No - but he thinks it's ok because you're his partner.

He acted unacceptably, you acted completely unacceptably.

No, he came in told me if I ever hit him like that again he would hit me back and walked out. I don't deserve an apology though, I'm the one in the wrong. I just want to cuddle my baby and go for a walk and keep walking, I'm an awful awful person

Your DP sounds like he behaved like a complete arse. What did your parents say?

Blimey it's beginning to look like its his fault 😳

Sounds like you need some time apart. You have both behaved really badly and need to take a good look at the reasons why and what you can do to make sure it doesn't happen again. You can't stay together if there's a risk of abuse for either of you.