I just hit DP

[Icklepickle101]

I feel awful.

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face. At the dinner table. In front of my parents. Now I've stormed off and am sat feeling sorry for myself and like a horrible horrible person and he's just told me if I ever hit him like it again he will hit me back

What the fuck have I done.

We have never ever ever been violent towards each other and he is honestly an amazing man. I just don't know what to do or how to make things right.

But i find it highly hypocritical that most people just made these assumptions based on nothing else but gender and possible size

It's not assumptions.
Rather, conclusions after the OP said he hurt her repeatedly and after she told him to stop.
Only a twat would find that acceptable.

Calleigh again assumptions. Who said i accept it? I just said i do not hit him. So now it's either acceptance or violence?

Violence was not the last resort. A reasonable person would have stood up and walked away. So he was being annoying, doesn't mean you can punch someone.
As an aside, I'm also 5 months post-partum, my stomach is not sore at all it's completely normal, so we don't know that OP's is particularly vulnerable. Unless there was some issues or a section I'd think most people would be recovered physically.

It's true that the OP could have walked away.
The partner could also have stopped when she told him to.
If she walked away, I suspect she'd still be accused of being unreasonable and acting out.
What has happened at other times, OP?

I would absolutely never say that anybody deserves to be hit, ever. There was DV in my home as a child, so I really do take it seriously and am extremely anti-violence, irrespective of the genders involved.

All I am saying is that I would say the exact same thing to a woman who had been hit by a male partner after poking him in a sensitive area repeatedly, after being asked to stop, and after he lashed out at her after yet another, even harder poke in an even more sensitive area. It was very probably an instinctive, almost uncontrollable self-defensive action, and NOT the same as hitting someone because you were annoyed/jealous/upset/whatever the usual "excuses" are. Very possibly a genuine reflex action and not within the OP's control at that moment. Her DH was also demonstrating abusive behaviour immediately before it happened.

Also certainly not saying that PND caused this in any way at all - just that other things the OP has said have sounded like she may be in need of some support there, and it is available.

rebel becauee you said he behaves like a twat several times a day yet describe him as OH and not an ex.

So OP would have been expected to get up and leave the dinner table because of his persistent poking?

You know what should have happened? Her partner should have not poked her in the first place. He should have allowed her to eat her dinner in peace without being an immature, goady, abusive twat.

Op, first off

I notice double standards here often, I have mentioned it in the past, but I prefer to respond to the individual situation regardless of people's sex.

If someone was poking me and I told them to stop and then they kept doing it, ending with a painful poke in the stomach I may have hit back as well out of instinct. I don't think you are an evil person whatsoever. Of course your actions weren't right, we don't need to tell you that but I can see how someone poking you and not stopping could lead you to hit them back, rightly or wrongly.

I may have reacted the same and I've never hit anyone. Poke and prod me and actually hurt me, I honestly don't know how I would react.

Violence was not the last resort. A reasonable person would have stood up and walked away. So he was being annoying, doesn't mean you can punch someone.

Ideally yes.

In an ideal world her DP wouldn't keep poking her about and ignore her requests to stop. In an ideal world she would have walked away.

I find poking people and them refusing to stop when asked just as aggressive as hitting someone actually. Her partner has no moral high ground here.

Poking seems acceptable but why? What if one finger became two or more for is still OK then .Who gets to decide what another should endure .It was unwanted physical touching and he was getting more harder .I am a reasonable person but anyone touching me unwanted would become a threat.I would feel cornered and lash out as way to protect myself from any unwanted physical hurt .may not be the sophisticated way to handle it but my body my say .

Op I really think you need to go see your GP about pnd.

And I think your partner is showing warning signs of potentially increasing abusive behaviour in the future.

I actually think I'd also have lashed out of DP was persistently jabbing me and ended up poking me hard enough to cause pain in the stomach whilst five months post partum.

He wants you to seem like the abusive one. You aren't, you're not instigating physical violence you lashed out in response to his persistent physical assaults. It's self defense.

And as for you should have got up from the dinner table and left. Why, no he should have got up from the dinner table and left if he was unable to sit there without assaulting his partner.

Hope you're ok OP

I'm a very unconfrontational person but if someone prodded and poked me I'd give them a good thump too! Whatever was he thinking to do such an annoying thing???

Your DP is a nasty little twat who thinks it is funny to repeatedly poke someone and then poke them harder when they have been asked to stop in the stomach when they had a child 5 months ago.

Poking in the ribs and the stomach hard is bloody nasty.

You lost your temper and lashed out.

Neither of you has come out of this very well.

He should be apologising to you for his actions as you did for yours.

All the shit spouted on here about role reversal doesn't take into account that most of the people who do the hitting don't accept they have done something wrong and are genuinely upset by their actions.

That you know you shouldn't have done this and feel bad makes you a better person in my opinion.

Him accepting no responsibility for being a nasty little shit to you and saying next time he will hit you back means he thinks he has the right to poke and hurt you when he feels like it.

And as for you should have got up from the dinner table and left. Why, no he should have got up from the dinner table and left if he was unable to sit there without assaulting his partner.

Yeah, pretty victim blaming isn't it.

Just get up when your partner pokes you and doesn't listen when you ask him to stop.

No means no. If you touch me and I tell you to stop and you carry on I might retaliate. And NWIH would I be apologising to him. I would clearly tell him that he doesn't deserve an apology because he didn't respect me enough when I told him to stop poking me. Next time he might think about how it feels to be touched in a manner that isn't pleasant to him.

If someone is annoying you the correct response is to get up and walk away, not be physically violent. It's NEVER okay to be physically violent.

What are painful pokes then? Just playfulness?

But you bunch of double standard arseholes are minimising it because she's a woman.

Sorry to burst your little anger bubble but you are wrong. So you can shove your fuck you's.

I will happily admit if I have double standards. In this case I don't, the sex of the op has nothing to do with it. Sorry if that doesn't fit your little 'MN are man haters' narrative.

At no stage has the OP said he was jabbing her painfully in the ribs and stomach which has been repeated by posters. She said he poked her in the ribs and thighs and then once in the stomach which hurt. Annoying but not fucking showing signs of domestic abuse.

I agree with Ned. Fucking appalling victim blaming here. Shameful.

I was playfully poking my husband, I maybe jabbed him a little too hard & he turned around and smacked me across the face.

I would be willing to bet my life that if THIS was the original post, these responses would be so fucking different it's disgusting.

She said stop that's when he should have stopped he became abusive once he carried on IMO

I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach

From the OP. She kept asking him to stop, he didn't. She asked again and he responded with a quite hard poke to her stomach.

Instead of seeing victim blaming open your fucking eyes. You are so badly wanting to see double standards that you can't see the woods from the trees.

Bull Ned.

She didn't just turn around and smack him. She asked him to stop. He chose to ignore her requests not to be poked and prodded and continued to do so harder.

She feels fucking bad about what she has done and is on here looking for help. Not the sign of an abuser.

In fact it was 'playing a childish game' yet he's not a victim but a domestic abuser of the future, she's got PND and her mum's unsupportive. Maybe her mum is unsupportive because she just witnessed her daughter abuse her son in law.

But ned is poking not physical? Is ignoring your wives pleas to stop the physical poking not bullying? Is threatening to hit the wife next time she reacts to his physical poking not emotional abuse?

The man was physically touching the woman in a way she didnt like and told gim repeatedly she wanted him to stop. I fucking despair that you think she sould have put up with it, kept her mouth shut and skulked off.

I agree with Stick and, given that the OP's partner has made no apology for continuing to 'poke and prod' her after repeated requests to stop, it appears to me that he has used this incident to give himself licence to persist in using physical means to discomfit her and to hit her if she has the temerity to retaliate.

As I would find it difficult to sit at a dinner table where this type of behaviour was taking place, I'm curious to know what your parents made of it, pickle?

What I see is a husband being an annoying dick and poking her thinking he's being playful, I also see that the wife smacked him, I'm also seeing that people are saying he deserved it, I'm also seeing people saying that poking someone is just as bad as smacking them across the face.

Yes I am 100% seeing double standards & nothing else.