I just hit DP

[Icklepickle101]

I feel awful.

DP had been prodding me and poking me all through dinner, he found it funny, I didn't and after telling him and telling him to stop I hit him in the face. At the dinner table. In front of my parents. Now I've stormed off and am sat feeling sorry for myself and like a horrible horrible person and he's just told me if I ever hit him like it again he will hit me back

What the fuck have I done.

We have never ever ever been violent towards each other and he is honestly an amazing man. I just don't know what to do or how to make things right.

You are not awful. You asked him to stop, he didnt. Sounds like a dick to me.

If I asked repeatedly for someone to stop poking me, they continued, harder I think I might give a smack out too.
Threatening to hit you back shows he thinks its ok to poke and prod and hurt you.

Did you hit him with as much or more force than he prodded you? Does he do that often?

I don't think what he was doing was 'being silly'

What have your parents said - they witnessed it so should be able to judge the dynamic.

I think you should maybe go to go about pnd if you are struggling too

No you're not OP. Obviously you shouldn't have done it, but why was he acting like a childish twat, goading you when you had asked him to stop and actually hurting you in the end? Can't you ask him? You overreacted but he was pushing the whole thing.

Both of you behaved unacceptably really, but as you say you normally get on so well, can't you just apologise to each other and move on?

So how much painful prodding and poking were you supposed to put up with before snapping and retaliating? It sounds as though he was goading you and then being oh so surprised and shocked when you reacted. He was being a bully.

Neither of you seems to have appropriate boundaries.

A game isn't fun if you are not both having fun. You don't continue a "game" when you are asked to stop. This is not respectful.

It is a natural instinct (fight or flight) to protect ourselves when we are feeling threatened. You punched instinctively (fight). The healthy response which respects the other person is to move away (flee).

I am incredibly worried by his response. It wasn't shock or "why the hell did you do that" or "sorry for poking you but that response was not ok", it was I will punch you back.

I would be unsurprised to find if you looked there will be lots of occasions where he has acted disrespectfully to your boundaries. I would also be unsurprised if you have trouble with assertiveness or being able to say when something upsets you and makes you feel uncomfortable. Do you ever wonder whether he pushes your boundaries deliberately to get a response

Of course none of this excuses what you did, it is a deeply unhealthy relationship. Honestly I'm less worried about what you did to him than how the situation will escalate if you stay

He was messing around, jabbing me in the ribs and thigh, just a childish game, I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach and I just flipped and hit him and then apologised and am sat in our room.

To be fair, I would have probably lamped him one by this point, too.

Has he apologised to you?
Does he make a habit of showing you this little respect?

Obviously, you need to think how you can come back from this. You both over-stepped.

Doing something you're not proud of does NOT make you an awful person.

You're in shock and that's understandable.

Will your parents support you?

Of course it's his fault.

He's the man & she's the woman of course it is HIS fault.

Fuck. Me.

Poking and prodding is a type of physical abuse just as hitting is, OP. I'm not accusing either of you of abuse, just saying that you shouldn't minimise his behaviour.

And I agree with the PP who said what he said to you is very worrying.

nope, I would have said the same if it was the other way round.
Dont poke people to the point of pain after they being asked repeatedly to stop...

"He was messing around, jabbing me in the ribs and thigh, just a childish game, I kept asking him to stop and he didn't, then I said please stop poking me again and he did it quite hard right in my stomach and I just flipped and hit him and then apologised and am sat in our room."

I don't care if people flame me for this. He fucking deserved it! He was being violent towards you. He was "playfully" attacking you, but it's not a game when one person isn't enjoying it and is asking the other person to stop. That's bullying. Of course, your reaction wasn't perfect - it was disproportionate, but it was understandable.

Don't take all the blame for this. He needs to explain why he was attacking you and ignoring your requests to stop.

Staggered by some of the responses here. There really are no words

I don't think poking someone multiple times in the ribs is that much better than hitting someone once. If my DH did that to me when I asked him to stop I would feel assaulted.

So it's scary for somebody to say, if you assault me again, I'll react/ defend myself??? Agree that he is t an angel but also its impossible to know the force of the pokes to the hitting

There was a thread not long ago where the op had been annoying her partner while he was driving, undoing his cap and touching his face, and he smacked her in the face. Quite a few people suggested what she was doing was annoying but his response was unacceptable. The majority view was her annoying behaviour was irrelevant and it was offensive and minimising to even mention it in responses. The people saying he deserved it absolutely would not say that if a man hit a woman, they just wouldn't.

He shouldn't have been poking you, especially when you asked him to stop. Unless he is fourteen.
Talk to your parents.
What do they think of him?
Because he sounds like a dick.
Poking you in the thighs and stomach?
Was he making fun of your baby weight?

Well if he thinks it is ok to hit her back after she hit him, then he must also think she was quite right to hit him after he poked her numerous times despite her saying no and to stop it.

I know it's bad form to mention previous threads, so I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say I've had a quick look and it doesn't sound great, I think OP's PND probably has a lot to do with him and his attitude.

How hard did you hit him - did it leave a mark?

How are did he poke you - any marks?

What did your parents say?

There is a bit of a difference in undoing a cap and poking someone repeatedly in the ribs.

Oyster The difference in that scenario was that the man didn't ask her to stop touching him. He just punched her straight away. In this scenario the OP asked him to stop several times before retaliating.

Agree that he behaved like a complete prat, but probably thought he was being funny and misjudged it! The is no justification for hitting someone in the face. There are many, many steps to make your displeasure known before you got to this stage, and I cannot believe we have posters on her actually blaming the OP behaviour on her OH. As I said, he was 100% being a twat but that shouldn't be what you jump to.

TBH I don't blame him for saying what he said. You are IMO lucky he isn't packing a bag, as that is what I would be doing. You need to address this with him, and you BOTH need to explain (honestly) your behaviour.

I do sympathise OP; I have hit my X DH before. I had just found out he had been having an affair with my best friend and Maid of Honour and his best friends Fiancee. He was in the car when I confronted him and he just sat there LYING to me. I hit him on his side, once, and I have never felt so awful. The huge amount of whisky didn't help, but I lost control. The worst thing is the upper hand it allowed him to have, as all of a sudden it was my fault.

To clarify, I have NEVER hit anyone before or since.

Unwanted physical contact that you have already said no to is not on. Be it poking, hugging, tickling, groping, slapping, kissing whatever. It doesn't have to even hurt. You should be able to say no to someone touching you. No you shouldn't hit people but tbh I'm not sure what I'd do if someone kept poking me when I wanted them to stop. I'd probably feel quite threatened. Take some time out OP, if usually things are good hopefully you can talk it through and agree to make sure you both respect each other's physical boundaries. But I think it's worrying he threatened to hit you back. Don't be too hard on yourself, I think your reaction was quite a human one to the situation you describe.

Why was he repeatedly poking and prodding you and why didn't he stop?

Is he always such a dick?

Agree with PP it sounds like you need to take stock of what is underlying all this.