At what point do you confront.

[NothingisForgotten]

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

Sorry op, what is the context of the messages. You say over friendly but could he explain that away? Also meeting her on Wednesday, is it a casual meeting with other friends or her alone?

Screenshot and go out for a walk / find some other way to give yourself time to think first.

Her alone. "i know it looks bad but do we care". He had an over night conference last week and texted her his room number. Last message says I regret leaving conference early 😞 he won't look at messages while I'm there. Married 10 years this year. I've had health issues this year and he's talked to her about them. My private things.I'm so upset I want to run out of the house. I don't have any family near by.

Sorry the room number thing seems pretty unambiguous.

Sorry it seems quite clear what he's up to. Please save these messages, send it to yourself or better take a screen shot of his phone. You do need to confront him, but do it with a plan in mind.

I'm standing in the kitchen crying while making dinner.

We are ttc about to start IVF. How COULD he?!

I want to reply saying no he won't be meeting you on Friday. Not sure I can act normal til Wednesday.

Sorry Wednesday

Take screen shots. Email them to yourself.

Then decide what to do.

I'm sorry. Make sure you screenshot the messages as he will try and make a load of lame excuses, minimise his behaviour and take no responsibility for any of it.

I have took photos.
Can't stop shaking. I can't think straight and have no where to go.

The other thing is, don't let him turn the blame ound on you for looking.

I know I'm not proud of myself for look but I saw her name pop up a few times and he wouldn't read the messages while I was there.
He knows something is wrong keeps asking me what is up

Handholding

Can you kill this with kindness?
Ask him home early on Wed for a nice dinner and some wine together?
Ask him to put some effort in and so will you as a change/ nice thing to do etc.

See if you can get him to cancel her without asking him to?

Then if you manage it, can you talk frankly to him?

I'm sorry

shit im useless at this can you go to a premier in or something? ffs stop cooking his dinner unless you planning on spitting in it you're trying for a baby and he acts like this? i suppose its good you found out before kids got involved but its still shitty behaviour

I was thinking of suggesting he meet me on my lunch break on Wednesday to see what he says. If I can wait til Wed morning so he can't make an excuse maybe...

If you don't want to confront right now then perhaps you could suddenly feel 'ill' and head up to bed? Migraine, cold coming down, flu even? It gives you a good cover for being weak and perhaps is a good premise to stay home from work tomorrow (if you're working) to gather as much financial info etc as possible.

so sorry you're going through this.

Where has he told he's going on Wednesday then?

Sorry - by weak I meant ill or unable to chat, feeling like crying etc. Just realised it might not have come out the right way x

Told you, I mean

It's not clear from those messages that he's actually doing anything. You can't confront him unless you know he is definitely doing something. It could be innocent tbh.

Oh lovely, I'm so sorry! Have you got any friends you can land on?

I wish I knew you, I'd have you round in a flash!

It looks very bad. There can't be a non bad explanation about the room number.

If you can't go out, please go run a bath or something and try to be still for a bit.

This is bad, but not the end of life itself, whatever happens you will be ok.

We are here for you.

He hasn't told me anything. He's off on hol this week. They were making jokes about how he's ditched her. He's told me he's just going to the gym each day. I think I will come down with a migraine. Give me some time to think.