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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

At what point do you confront.

181 replies

NothingisForgotten · 18/01/2016 17:36

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 19/01/2016 22:39

Thinking of you too x

Squishywis · 19/01/2016 23:14

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1WayOrAnother · 19/01/2016 23:20

OP I hope you are coping. This is a really difficult and confusing time right now. You WILL come out the other side, although I am sure you feel overwhelmed at the moment. Fidelia is right to recommend writing things down. It will help you to process stuff and stay calm as well as to remember details of what's been said. stay strong.

UterusUterusGhali · 19/01/2016 23:24

Oh sweetie. :(

Stay strong. X

C6ute · 19/01/2016 23:25

I picked up my (now) X phone to a text which Sid you don't know me well enough to speak to me like that. There were 2 more but I was shaking so much I could read them I confronted him straight away. And knew he was lying

MiddleClassProblem · 20/01/2016 08:43

Are you ok, OP? Worried about you x

Bogeyface · 20/01/2016 14:15

I have been thinking about you too OP, hope you are ok

Fidelia · 20/01/2016 14:44

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Lweji · 20/01/2016 14:51
Hmm

OP, you owe us nothing. And have no obligation what so ever to post updates.

JohnLuther · 20/01/2016 14:52

Yes this isn't your entertainment.

Bogeyface · 20/01/2016 15:02

Well consider me told.

couldnt possibly be that I have been thinking of her because a couple of years ago this was me, I found evidence of an affair and was in a maelstrom.
It couldnt be that I know exactly what it feels like and how easy it is to end up in a very bad way because of it, could it?

Original poster
NothingisForgotten · 20/01/2016 16:35

Sorry not updated. I'm not in a good place at the moment. He says they're just friends. She is getting married in September and doesn't talk to anyone else at work. I said I was upset about him keeping secret from me and talking about health stuff with her. I am going to go home for a few days. Not sure if I will say anything but need to think.

Thanks for your concern xx

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 20/01/2016 16:39

Yeah, get some space and perspective. Only you know what was said and what you found so do what's best for you x

heckythump01 · 20/01/2016 16:48

de-lurking to give you a non mumsnet [hug] Flowers x

Only1scoop · 20/01/2016 16:51

Did they meet today?

Get some space for sur

Sorry Op mistrust is vile Thanks

AnyFucker · 20/01/2016 16:55

Did they have their secret assignation today ?

OP, you sound so flat Sad This is awful for you

peachybex · 20/01/2016 17:12

Oh op - sending a massive hug.

If by "going home" you are heading to family and friends - which I really hope it does - it's the best thing to do. Surround yourself with those that love and care about you, where you feel safe - you will find strength and it will help you to process and find the truth behind it all and decide your next step.

It will be interesting to see how hard he tries to stay in touch if you are away. Actions often really do speak louder than words.

Such a hard time for you.

Sending another enormous hug.

At risk of sounding like an aged Great Aunt - someone once told me at a particularly bleak time "dawn follows the darkest part of night". I held onto that - and it helped. You will come through this op - one way or t'other.

xxx

Lweji · 20/01/2016 17:15

Did he explain giving her his room number so late?

Take care and take your time to heal and think.

Squishyeyeballs · 20/01/2016 17:32

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SymphonyofShadows · 20/01/2016 18:01

What does he hope to gain by saying she's getting married? That's of no consequence to you. He doesn't want you to rock her world but that's just tough. If they have done something wrong, and it looks like they have, then they both have to suck up the fall out.

Hope some time away helps.

AgathaF · 20/01/2016 18:26

Her getting married is no guarantee of her being faithful to her boyfriend. Anymore than your H being married guarantees that he's faithful to you.

I'm glad your going to your family for some support and space from him.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/01/2016 18:46

I agree 100%. Go home for a bit. Do you have someone there you'll be able to talk it out with? You don't have to tell everyone. Just one trustworthy friend or relative.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/01/2016 18:59

Maybe "she's getting married" is a lie, used to suggest there's nothing in it? And you couldn't even begin to check because apparently she can only talk to him, so maybe nobody else knows about it? A cynic might even think he's prepared this story carefully Hmm

If she's just a friend, why lie about meeting her? And what about the 1am offer of a room number? I'm desperately sorry, OP, and I'm very glad you're taking a break to think it over for a while, because sadly this sounds exactly the sort of rubbish he might have been expected to say

DownstairsMixUp · 20/01/2016 19:10

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Fidelia · 20/01/2016 20:43

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