At what point do you confront.

[NothingisForgotten]

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

Maybe go have a hot bath or a shower or something so you don't have to see him and can lock yourself away to think if there is anything else

Agree, make an excuse to disappear so you can process and clear your head. I'm sorry, it doesn't look good.

It could be innocent tbh.

This does not sound innocent. He is meeting her when he is off work. This is not a casual work meeting for coffee/lunch, it is a date.

OP, it is likely they slept together when he texted her his hotel room number. I am sorry.

Don't play games. Don't try and win him back by doing the Pick Me Dance. The time to confront is now.

Is there any where else you can look?

It's the intention and lying, what a twat.

It's not clear from those messages that he's actually doing anything

Really? Giving her his room number is quite a lot I would say.

Travelling with work and getting a colleagues room number to meet or ring isn't unusual, meeting someone you work with for lunch isn't unusual but I might of missed a bit where it said he was off work. I thought he was on holiday next week not this week. Joking that you abandoned someone at a conference can be just friendly. If he's ending these messages with kisses then yeah it's more.

From the messages I don't think anything physical has happened. He text the room number but she didn't respond.
At the moment it's the lying and the intent to meet up has got me shaking. I need to calm down. I don't want to start screaming at him. I need to think. There's so much other stuff. He's talking about us going on a cruise for our wedding anniversary.

He's off work so going back into work just to meet her.
I'm grateful for response so far. Sorry if I don't reply to everyone I'm a bit all over the place.

What did he lie about? Did you ask to see him on Wednesday or pick something up to see what he said?
I'm not defending him, just you don't have anything concrete

The answer to your question is 'when you are ready'. What a twat he is to be flirting in and making plans with another woman when you've been ill and are ttc.

I agree you need to take space to clear your head and the decide how you tackle it.

I asked what he was doing this week. Suggested he could meet me for lunch Wed as I have doctors tomorrow. Said he was going to the gym.

I'm sorry but if he texted the room number, why would she need to reply? Wouldn't she just go along?

I'd have to have it out with him now, tbh. I wouldn't be able to hold it in until Wednesday.

I'd be tempted to pack his bags and take them to where he's meeting her.

I suppose once it's out there it's real. Pathetic I know.

You poor thing.

She probably didn't respond by text to the room number because she went to his room and they saw each other in person...

I'd say go with migraine and take tom off, then collect as much financial data as possible. Go through all his bags, suits, etc.

Copy and stash elsewhere. Then confront on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning ideally.

Say hi he goes to meet her he can pack his shit up and move out.

If, not "hi"

Then I'd be confronting now being as he's blatantly lied.

Ok that's different, sorry I didn't understand that before. I think you might need to sit tight and watch like a hawk. Get proper proof.

I'd love to say that maybe he lied to you as he's meeting her to help buy you an amazing present. I'd also love to say it's clear cut, LTB. It's not clear either way. Get more info if you can x

Thanks hissy. No close friends. Family live in England. I'm in Scotland. Moved here to be with him.

I know. I'm hoping I'm reading more into them than it is but he's lied with what he's doing on Wednesday so that's a BIG argument anyway. I think I need more information and not give him a chance to hide anything before I confront. Thanks everyone.

I've been through this.

I think the best reaction (not something I did) is to go absolutely ballistic. Throw him out. Get a solicitor involved. Put the house up for sale.

He needs the biggest shock of his life. If he doesn't and you stay with him, it will happen again and again.

You have to show him what the result of his actions are. Show him what happens if he loses you. And don't speak to him, get your solicitor to deal with communications and cut him off entirely.

If he goes off for a few months then tries to come back, tell him where to go.

If he drops her immediately, goes off and tries to make things right, after a while - and I mean months - then maybe. Maybe.

You have nothing to lose this way. You keep your self respect. You don't have any worries about what he'll do. Think of yourself, not him. You are worth more than this. Don't put up with it for a second.

He may be going to the gym but may be meeting her before or after, so effectively lying by omission.

I'd probably go along on Wednesday and spy from a distance. Or send a friend to do so. That's not to say it's necessarily a good idea.

Keep your eye on the main point. He gave another woman his room number. That is completely unambiguous.