At what point do you confront.

[NothingisForgotten]

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

If it were me I'd find out where they were meeting and then rock up there! Would be a nice shock for him!

I can only assume at work. It's an out of the way place on a motorway. I'm not sure I'd be able to restrain myself from smacking her and him if I did.

Hang on though. I wouldn't make the assumption that she's been to his hotel room. I can see a situation where she might have said 'let me know what room you're in and I'll collect you on the way to xxxxx/conference/bar/whatever". That really doesn't mean that anything untoward has happened.

What time of day was the text? If it was, say, 10/11pm then all bets are off but otherwise, I'd hesitate before accusing him of anything. It could be innocent. Not sure about the Wednesday thing but it could be that you've caught it before anything can happen.

1am. He'd stopped texting me around 11.
We've been together 14 years. Even if I have caught it before anything happened the intent to be secretive about this friendship is bad enough.
I feel like printing all the screenshots and putting them up with his bags packed underneath

If it was innocent why hasn't he told the OP? No reason to hide anything if it was.

That's what I would do, OP. Seriously. Get angry. You have more chance of saving your relationship by going ballistic now than if you going through the asking-lying-insisting-lying-proving-admitting crap.

Printing the screen shots and putting them on his stuff - not a bad idea.

1am...

Maybe just go in there and ask him repeatedly where is he on Wednesday until he answers you.

1am. OK, that's absolutely not good. Only one reason for texting your hotel room number at that time. Sorry

If you're still cooking his dinner then I'd suggest that he perhaps wears it instead.

How bloody awful! No advice that hasn't already been given, just stay strong

I feel so bad for you.

Don't let him off with this.

It's the intent to deceive that is worse than whatever went on at the conference (you have no proof there) but he has lied now and crossed a line, opened a window and talked to someone outside your marriage about something very private between the two of you

Sorry, but meeting her in secret when he's told you he's gymming? It's not good.

I'm so so sorry.

I think printing them off and packing his bags is a good idea.

If he asks why you're packing you can just say "you know why". And you can bet he will know why

I'm sorry this doesn't look good. I was wondering, could you put a tracker on his phone to find out if he's really going to the gym or meeting her?

Yeah if they're doing the dirty I doubt they'd actually stay for lunch at the office

What if the are going to the gym together?

My opinion? Tell him to f**k off out of the house now! Texting another woman his room number? Really???

Middleclassproblem no offence intended, but even if they are 'going to the gym' together(?) why is he sending his room number to someone else?

Surely if they were just going to the gym together then that would have come up in conversation?

Oh, OP

I have been here, I walked right up to him with his phone, showed him the next and said "what is this?". He squirmed on the spot and the truth came out.

Get angry, get mad. You have no obligation to keep calm here, this certainly doesn't seem innocent. Show him the photos you took, you'll see from him reaction exactly how it is.

If they are just going to the gym he'd tell her. Why would it be a secret.

Take some evidence so he can't make you think you're crazy

I agree, have it out with him. It'll be torture if you don't.

I didn't say they weren't going to the gym together innocently but maybe that is where he's going with omitting her