At what point do you confront.

[NothingisForgotten]

I feel sick. Found some messages on H phone. Pretty over friendly with girl from work.Arranging to meet her on Wednesday. I'm shaking. He's in the other room. Not sure I can act normal.

I would have to confront now, I couldn't play any long games. It must be torture for you.

It looks fairly cut and dried, I'm so sorry OP. What about having it out with him, give him chance to confess all? If he lies then you show him the photos (and the door)

If it were me I would look for more evidence of communication between them then confront.

He told her personal details about your health issues. He's a fucking wanker for doing that alone. Show him the door.

But yes show him evidence.

So at the very least you've got the lie about Wednesday, the betrayal of your privacy with OW and the texted room number. It might be worth digging for more (and there'll most certainly be more) though others might consider that quite enough

Personally I agree with Labrador; whether now or later you need to confront him, perhaps by saying you know and that he's got one chance and one only to tell you everything - then keep completely schtum and leave him to fill the silence. What, if anything, he's prepared to admit might clarify what you'll want to do, though even then it's doubtful whether you'll ever know it all

As you'll no doubt have gathered, I've been there and I'm so very sorry because I know just how much it hurts

Agree with puzzled.

Op might be talking to him now

I'd follow him and get more evidence. Probably try to worm his way out of the messages.

I couldn't sit on that. OP I think you know enough to make a decision. What a cunt.

To answer your question I'd say right about now is the time to confront & by confront I mean go fucking nuclear-there really is only one reason to send your room number to someone at 1am, it isn't a pleasant one

I came to bed not well. At least that part is true. I'm not acting normally enough clearly because he keeps coming up and asking what's wrong. And checking his phone. I want to wait til Wednesday if I can and phone to say I've got finished work early shall I meet you at the gym?. Just hope I can last that long.
Thank you for your support.

Oh op be strong. So sorry this is happening to you.

So sorry you are going through this. I was where you are 3 weeks ago. Luckily not actually married to the lying cheating fucking coward. I went the ballistic route and chucked him out.
Stay strong op, you can do this. Do you have friends nearby or anyone in rl you can talk to? Try to look after yourself, hard i know. It's truly devestating and awful I know. You're not alone, we will survive. You don't deserve this you deserve so so much more.

From the messages I don't think anything physical has happened. He text the room number but she didn't respond.

i wouldn't either because i would be knocking the door to speak in person

Does he seem panicky that you're not feeling well? Do you think he senses that you're suspicious?

OP, why are you playing games ?

You are just going to make him twig you are on to him and he will go underground. Then you will be no further on, but left with a shitload of paranoid suspicion

You should do what Imperial says. What have you to lose ? Not much, I would say.

You already know he is lying about Wednesday. He is going to "work" to have a date with this woman. You have evidence of a texted room number at 1am then the conversation stops...I can imagine why and I think you know it too.

You are very, very quickly losing the element of surprise and with it the upper hand. Perhaps that's what you want. it would be quite easy to engineer it (subconsciously) so that this goes away. The problem with that is....it never goes away and that will kill you with a thousand cuts eventually.

Have it out with him now. I would be absolutely furious at him treating me like this. Please don't torture yourself any more.

Wednesday seems like a long way to go without saying something in anger or behaving differently enough to raise his suspicions and make him be more careful.

I'm so sorry for you being in this position ...am currently trying to recover from something similar and totally sympathise with you.
Please keep messaging here-the support I got from MN was amazing and the only thing that kept me going xxx

Just wanted to give you some support. What a cowardly cock he is. And what a nasty thing she is.

Fwiw I agree with AF - don't play games or wait around, as he will cover his tracks better, and that will torture you. Just sit him down tomorrow morning, show him the pics, and face up to whatever the answer is. Better to rip off the bandage in one go than agonising millimetres :(

I wouldn't be able to sit on this. Even if I tried id end up exploding.

I know you are right. I just never thought I would be the OP on one of these posts. I never thought he would do this to me.

I agree with Anyfucker, don't play games. It is not unreasonable to ask for an explanation. Confront the situation instead of second guessing.