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Original poster

AIBU to be really upset that DH walked out of a restaurant and left me & 3 kids?

182 replies

TreeHuggerMum1 · 25/11/2015 08:04

Husband rung me and told me he'd collected the kids from after school club and that it would be nice if we all went for a family meal. I meet him at the restaurant 15 mins or so later and he looks miserable, food arrives quickly and nothing out of the ordinary happened, our youngest is 3 so is a little testing but she is a darling really and certainly not badly behaved by any means. Anyway, he wolfed down his dinner, said he couldn't cope and left me and 3 kids under 9 in the restaurant. WTF?!
Two screaming kids and one looking really confused.
I'm so mixed up emotionally today, anger, resentment and confusion are some.
My eldest has said this morning that Daddy apologised to him before he left for work but he's upset that lately he treats us like "junk".
We barely spoke last night. DH asked me if I was ok this morning and I've said not really, ive said that he can't behave that way and he said he knew he was in the wrong and he's having a tough week at work and then left.
I work 5 days a week and have 3 young kids, I often have "tough" days but would never even contemplate a move like that. AIBU?

OP posts:
Notagainmun · 25/11/2015 08:09

YANBU. What if you did the same thing? He is an area who needs to get a grip. There is a time and a place to give into stress.

KinkyAfro · 25/11/2015 08:10

Of course you're not being unreasonable but you do sound very matter of fact about it. Why did you not talk last night when you got home?

Notagainmun · 25/11/2015 08:10

Arse not area

MrsGradyOldLady · 25/11/2015 08:12

No you're not being unreasonable. That was a really shitty thing to do.

Joysmum · 25/11/2015 08:12

Context is s everything, is he normally prone to bad behaviour?

Original poster
TreeHuggerMum1 · 25/11/2015 08:13

Kinkyafro - he has sports clubs on a Tuesday night so by the time the children finished eating and we got home he was literally walking out the door, by the time he got home I was in my pjs about to go bed and couldn't face a showdown.

OP posts:
Newquay · 25/11/2015 08:16

Could he be depressed? - as opposed to it 'just' being really badly judged bad behaviour? At least he acknowledged it was the wrong thing to do. Anyway YANBU.

Original poster
TreeHuggerMum1 · 25/11/2015 08:17

And I really don't feel "matter of fact", locked myself in the bathroom for cry after eldest said we'd be better off without him, just hanging on my a thread today and trying to get 3 kids ready for school on my own as usual as he leaves for work at 7am.

OP posts:
PennyHasNoSurname · 25/11/2015 08:18

Mught there be something on his mind that he needs to tell you? Probably realised at the meal that (1) not an appropriate time and place and (2) he doesnt actually want to tell you.

Sit down discussion time.

TheBunnyOfDoom · 25/11/2015 08:19

Dick move. That's really shitty. And I HATE the way things like "could be depressed" are dragged out on these posts. It doesn't matter, you don't take your family out for a meal and then bugger off halfway through!

Work stress is not an excuse either, and he knows that. If he was in a foul mood, he shouldn't have taken everyone out for dinner!

RiverTam · 25/11/2015 08:19

Unless this is normal behaviour, in which case he's an arse, that all sounds a bit odd. Maybe something bad is happening at work? Depressed? I think you both need to sit down and talk about what's going on.

RiverTam · 25/11/2015 08:20

Stress may not be an excuse but it could be a reason. Only on MN is everyone (but particularly men) supposed to behave perfectly even if something in their life is heading down the toilet.

MTPurse · 25/11/2015 08:22

You say your 3 yo is 'little testing' is that why he walked out? Was your dc misbehaving in the restaurant?

TheBunnyOfDoom · 25/11/2015 08:23

No, people aren't expected to behave perfectly, but there's a difference between being in a bad mood, and storming out of a restaurant in public and humiliating your wife in the process. Because if I was out with DP and he stormed out for no reason and left me there, I would feel upset, embarrassed and angry.

Stress might explain it but I still think he behaved really badly.

mix56 · 25/11/2015 08:23

So he went to sports club anyway ?? Wow, priorities are crap here.

He has a problem, he should have talked to you. Maybe letting off steam at the gym is good for his stress, but what about you ? I would be asking myself if he has an OW ? & possibly all sorts of necessary questions.
He needs to communicate, Fast.

Original poster
TreeHuggerMum1 · 25/11/2015 08:24

MT Purse - DH says it was her behaviour that snapped him, he took her for a wee and she wasn't compliant in the loo by the sounds of things. To me her behaviour is better than most and I have a good deal of experience but he thinks all the children are naughty all the time.

OP posts:
yakari · 25/11/2015 08:24

Agree with if this is a on off then he was an arse but possibly could be forgiven if genuinely sorry and willing to say what drove him to it
But if it's regular behaviour to treat you like 'junk' then I would take this as the final straw. I'd be beyond furious if DH did this to me.

3 kids plus restaurant in the evening has the potential to go down hill rapidly - and you say when he left 2 were screaming, and youngest can be challenging- why oh why did he suggest it in the first place (mis placed view it would be a nice treat, playing Disney dad, or just naive stupid)

notapizzaeater · 25/11/2015 08:25

Is he stressed ? Perhaps it just tipped him over the edge, regardless you need to sit down and talk about it

HeadDreamer · 25/11/2015 08:26

YANBU. I have a quick temper and I also work full time. But I will never walk out on my DH in a restaurant with or with the children.

You said the same thing.

INeedNewShoes · 25/11/2015 08:26

If this is unusual behaviour my first reaction is that it sounds as though there might be mental health issues - ie could be be having some sort of breakdown.

You both can't ignore this incident. Time and space for a proper conversation needs to be an immediate priority.

firesidechat · 25/11/2015 08:27

The children, miss behaved or not, are a product of both parents MTP, not just the op's responsibility. Why does he get to walk out and leave them and yet the op has to stay and look after them all single handedly. It's rude, nasty and selfish. No one could or should blame a 3 year old for this.

HeadDreamer · 25/11/2015 08:27

3 kids plus restaurant in the evening has the potential to go down hill rapidly - and you say when he left 2 were screaming, and youngest can be challenging- why oh why did he suggest it in the first place

This too. We only go out at lunch time. My 4yo can be quite challenging at dinner time. And the baby is inconsolable. Dinner is always a quick affair. He should understand this.

SelfRaisingFlour · 25/11/2015 08:28

Even if the 3 year old was behaving badly that's no reason for the child's father to walk out. It would be a reason for other customers to leave maybe, but not the father.

Blu · 25/11/2015 08:29

Not surprised you are upset, that is not usual family behaviour.

It is almost as if he needed to get you all out of the house for some reason.

You both sound very stressed and busy, 3 kids and 2 f/t jobs is a lot. I think I would focus on keeping yourself going through the week, stuck in your routine, make things as easy as possible, and plan a child-free couple of hours at the weekend to discuss what is going in. Tell him how the children feel, how you feel, ask how he feels and what is behind it all.

No idea how you get the child free slot, unless they are young enough to go to bed at a reasonable time.

KeepOnMoving1 · 25/11/2015 08:29

He should not have left you there but you seem to have blinkers on about your kids behaviour. When he left two were screaming, and the other one was testing. Sounds like he couldn't handle it anymore.
However the right thing to do would be all of you leave. And maybe rethink outings if the kids aren't in a great mood.

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