Has your partner seen your vagina?

[frazzledmomma]

I know this is a weird one but I can only ever bring myself to have sex in pitch black or still wearing bottoms (i.e skirt). This has been the same with every partner. I am not comfortable naked and have always avoided oral sex for the same reason. Is there a deep-rooted psychological issue here or is this common? Am not particularly happy with my body/weight but have only recently gained weight yet this has always been an issue.

Do you mean vagina or labia?

The whole area!

Is there a deep-rooted psychological issue here or is this common?

It's certainly not common, I would say, and I think from what you've posted that yes, there are issues there with your body that are causing you embarrassment and inhibition.

Are you able to look at your vulva yourself without embarrassment? (With a mirror, obviously, nobody's that bendy )

I startled a BF once when I said in conversation, as-you-do, that I am much more familiar with men's bodies than than with women's. Point being that unless you are gay or bisexual you only have yourself to compare female genitals with in the flesh. If you continue to make love in the dark you will never be any the wiser.

OP, don't assume that a sex partner will find you unattractive and not want to look at you, I think they will have made up their mind that they fancy you by the time they get to see your punani. Many men like to give oral to a woman, and many women enjoy it. Having a gentle light on somewhere enhances that for both partners.

No reason for you not to try to relax, perhaps having a shower beforehand will help you feel you've left no stone unturned.

When you're in the nip with someone who loves you and wants to give you pleasure, your punani is likely to be the part of your body he finds most beautiful! They're not all the same but none of them are ugly, just like men's penises in that respect.

DW is like this, the only times I've seen her bits are during childbirth, won't contenance oral sex either giving or receiving. Lights off when we used to DTD. All very stereotypically Catholic, yet brought up in an aethistic/agnostic household.

Very strange to my mind, never understood it and attempts to talk about it have been rebuffed. I'm guessing a psychological issue, but I'm not qualified in that area.

It's definitely a positive that you recognise it in yourself though, and I'm sure there'll be others along soon to help if you're not happy about it.

He has seen it but it's many, many, many years since I have.

SylvanianCaliphate

All the time. At least a few times a day.
I personally would be a bit offended/ put out if my OH wasn't comfortable with me seeing their bits.

In hideously graphic detail

He has. Up close and when there was a baby coming out of it (when apparently, it wasn't looking quite as nice as usual).

Whilst I would think your predicament is unusual if it doesn't bother your partners or you to do it in the dark or while you're wearing a skirt, it really is only your business. However it seems a bit sad to not even be comfortable with your body with the person you're intimate with.

The excellent Dan Savage recently dealt with a version of this problem on the great Savage Love advice podcast. His caller was a guy whose g/f was very uncomfortable with the appearance of her vagina and this was having an impact on their sex life -- no matter how much he assured her that he had no issue with it, she still carried the comments of a previous boyfriend who had made her feel bad/insecure.

He had a range of advice, and I recommend listening to the episode (ep. 457, from July 28).

For the oral sex thing, Savage suggested the introduction of a blindfold -- enabling the guy to give her the pleasure he wantrd to give her, without having to worry about psychological discomfort about body image. At some future time, he said, she may reach a point where she is ready to remove his blindfold, but it is something that she has control of.

I found this liberating:

www.greatwallofvagina.co.uk/about

No never!

Of course

He has seen it in intimate detail. Our sex life would not have worked any other way.

I think becoming familiar with your own anatomy first would be a good move. I do think it is unusual and I see it as a shame but that's a personal feeling. If you are happy with how things are, then there is no problem.

Nope; married 16 years and he hasn't seen it once!

Try www.the-clitoris.com/ for confidence boost.

and try Large Labia Project

Yes he has.

Keepithidden your "stereotypically Catholic" comment made me snort. Do you know many Catholics?

Of course. (Assuming you don't mean the actual internal vaginal walls, in which case probably not much),

But actually I was self conscious about it with my previous DP (I have larger than average labia) and it wasn't till I got with lovely DH that I felt totally comfortable exposing myself so freely.

How can people live in a house where everyone doesn't see partner naked at least a few times a day? Don't you shower/ bath/ get changed whilst they are in same room? Don't you every walk around looking for just the right pants to wear?

My DH has seen it but I prefer to wear a dress during sex, I don't allow oral either. I feel sick if I even think of the female genital area.

Yes. I have no issues. We both sleep naked. Your body is an amazing thing. Really, really try and learn to love it.

I had to look at mine about a year ago as I had a small split in the skin which was painful. GP advised applying cream using a mirror..... Anyway..... Uuurrrrgggghhhhh.... Never seen anything so gross

But.... I was comfortable with stbxh seeing it (he wasn't stbx at the time) I just didn't want to look myself. I did wonder how I'd feel about someone else seeing it after we split, but you know what... I don't give it a 2nd thought whilst in the throws.. and I've had no complaints (so far).