Has your partner seen your vagina?

[frazzledmomma]

I know this is a weird one but I can only ever bring myself to have sex in pitch black or still wearing bottoms (i.e skirt). This has been the same with every partner. I am not comfortable naked and have always avoided oral sex for the same reason. Is there a deep-rooted psychological issue here or is this common? Am not particularly happy with my body/weight but have only recently gained weight yet this has always been an issue.

LikeASoul - I know about two Catholics, so that's a pretty low sample size, also I've never spoken to them about their sexual preferences so scratch that part of my post! I'm getting my psychological issues mixed up, Catholics are normally assoicated with guilt right? Can't remember or don't know the ones who are traditionally sexually repressed!

Anyway, I suspect it was something (or a series of things) that was more unpleasant than religious upbringing that caused the issues, but they haven't been divulged to me. I doubt they ever will.

Artandco - Nope, I do. DW locks the bathroom door when she goes in, for washing or whatever. Been years since I saw her unclothed. My parents never had an issue with it, I grew up in a household like you describe! Different strokes for different folks and all that.

This thread is really interesting, you forget that not every household is the same as yours and that not everyone happily has a wee whilst their OH is brushing his teeth

Ah see, we took the lock off the bathroom door back on the day in 2009 when Dh silly bugger managed to lock himself in. He was locked in so long before repair man came to get him out that when we finally opened the door Dh was stark naked, having himself a leisurely bubble bath with candles! Repairman could not stop laughing at how unstressed Dh was.

Oh and was something like £450 to get him out! Hence lock never replaced so we don't have a repeat experience

Since having children, in particular my last one I also don't feel comfortable with being naked. I won't even consider sex in the morning as its too light.
You're not the only one OP.

If someone has ideas on how to gain confidence I would love to know.

Yes, he saw it loads in the early years. (we were poor and couldn't go out much )
he watched me pop two people out of it.
When I became very ill for a number of months he washed it for me.
Logically, it's just a body part. There's really nothing to feel bad about. I'm really sorry that you feel so self conscious. I think it is very common. We do tend to hate everything about ourselves. Coupled with the generations of puritanical attitudes towards the naughty bits and it makes us miserable.

Yes. When DD was coming out of it. A number of other times, not all to do with sex or childbirth. It's just a body part.

Not had a baby then? My husband has helped me shower when I was ill once. He has helped me sit on a bed pan too!

Every little bit of it, including the whole birth thing, and every bit of my rather wobbly post 6 kid body, and I've seen every thing he has to offer! We tend not to have the big light on but that's because like moths it attracts the kids
I've been thinner and fitter but have never felt so secure body wise and I think it's because I really know that he absolutely adores me as I do him (sorry I know that's vomit inducing!)
How about under the covers as it were re oral sex? No seeing as it were but you may love it and then not be quite so worried?

You read my mind there Gummy I was just thinking of poor DP who had to endure me making holding my bum cheeks apart while my cream dried, making my piles jiggle and saying Miley Cyrus my arse while he drank his coffee.

I must be one of those oversharers.

Can anyone imagine a man saying this sort of thing about his penis?

My partner has probably seen my vagina (or labia , if we're being particular ) everyday since I've moved in with him 5 years ago. Never really occurred to me to be self conscious about it as I thought all vaginas were the same until recently. I'm self conscious about everything else ,but vagina I'm definitely not

God no, Happenstance.

I get a mock strip show at night when he's getting changed into his pyjamas. And he hums me a tune to go with it. Then does the charles atlas type poses. By which time I'm bent double, laughing my head off.

Sexy it is not, but absolutely no self consciousness there at all

I can't believe people can have sex without seeing their partner's genitals. How does that even work? How can someone know how your body's shaped to know how to touch you properly?

And in the pitch dark, what about seeing each other's bodies / faces?

I've always thought my vagina is very attractive.

General fanny region I should say rather than vagina specifically.

Slightly shocked that some of your partners have not seen your bits, when I became sexually active I was quite shy and hated the thought of anyone going down there and looking so I rarely received oral. I have now recovered how good oral is and how much the man enjoys it, one partner told me my Fanjo is perfect ( this was before having kids ) which gave me a confidence boost. Just relax and don't worry, I'm sure you or dp finds it very attractive as it's something that provides him with great pleasure .

No, because my partner is not a gynaecologist.

He has, however, seen my labia majora and minora and on occasion my clitoris.

I used to be like this. I was convinced my Vag was the most hideous one there ever was and did my upmost to keep it to myself. Especially after childbirth. I've had a smear nurse take a look and say "oh dear, you tore very badly didn't you" which only added to my vag fear

I told this to my now DP of one year who swiftly said "well i've seen it and to be honest its the best vag in the world" LIAR

I now just think your down below bits are part of the whole you and your partner is obviously going to find that part of you a huge turn on. I'm always flashing mine about these days exaggerating

I used to dislike the look of mine and after I had DC was scared to look at it again! I was really worried about meeting a new partner after I split from Dc's dad but the man I am with now makes me feel beautiful in every way, including 'down there'. I feel liberated and the way I look doesn't even enter my head when we are having sex as it's all about the intimacy and feeling.
I used to avoid oral sex too and told myself it was because I didn't like it but actually it was because I couldn't relax and was too self conscious.
What are your husband/partner's feelings about this issue?

Yes but mainly pre childbirth. Pre childbirth I had a cracking figure (didn't appreciate it until it was gone) and nice looking bits . We used to have a pretty adventurous sex life. However after the birth of DC1 with a 2nd degree tear and millions of stretch marks/loose skin I am not comfortable naked. There have been a few kinkier times since but mainly it's been in the bed fairly standard (but nice!) dtd and he has hardly ever given me oral as I don't enjoy it.

At risk of being pedantic, he'd need a speculum to see your vagina. That's the inside bit. Your vulva is the outside bit. How does your partner feel about not being able to see you? Does he make you feel awkward? Or is it all from you?

Can anyone imagine a man saying this sort of thing about his penis?

Not really; we realise that our genitals look very stupid, and glory in it.