Just found evidence

[ExitStrategyHelp]

Now what?

It's too late for a conversation - long day in the office for both of us.

Unfortunately his loved-up texts (and sex talk) went to DS2's iPad. He is confused. I am angry although not as hurt as you might expect as I am not surprised.

Sigh. I don't have the energy for this….

Give him DS2's Ipad and tell him to leave. Tonight.

That is what I would do.

No actual energy required for that. Switch off and get him out. Then go to bed and face it tomorrow.

I am sorry

I'm so sorry.

How old is ds2?

Make sure your husband explains to ds what it all means, once you've decided what to do of course.

What a pillock. Some men aren't worth the ink on a marriage certificate.

I think 'it's too late ... Long day at the office' is the kind of thing you say when you are justifying getting a takeaway rather than cooking. The fact you are so resigned and numb to this surely means a lot.

Really, if you can, I would sleep now and calmly discuss your inevitable separation tomorrow or when you have worked out your rights and how best to proceed.

Ah thanks, AF, I know I'd have every reason to do that.

But naw, I've 'known' this has been going on (without any actual evidence, you understand) for a while and I am a little relieved to have evidence.

Gawd, I sound awful

Have a glass of wine/chocolate bar/cup of tea/whatever you want.

Go to bed.

It'll still be there tomorrow.

I am genuinely sorry. It's a shitty, terrible thing but I do think it's okay to say "I'm not doing this tonight". In fact, I think it's okay to say you're not doing this until Saturday. It gives you breathing space and time to think.

You sound exhausted and I don't think you are in a place to deal with it right now. It's not hiding or deflecting. It's preparing.

Do you have to work tomorrow?

Do you want to talk about what you might do next?

Oh, x-posts.

I don't think I'm numb, but need to process.

DS2 is 11.

Oh shit- how bloody awful for you . And you must be so, so angry that DS2 had to see that.

It's going to take a few days to sink in, I'd have thought, but it sounds like you want him to leave. When are you going to get the chance to talk? Can you do it without the kids there?

Make sure you take pics or print screen before you do anything

Take a pic of the texts on your phone or screenshot and save.

Go to bed. Think about it during tomorrow, get friends to rally round, then kick him out at the weekend.

So sorry

Yes, photograph the screen or something. It might help if you want a divorce on the basis of his adultery, as it will be evidence.

Does DS2 know what is happening? How much did he see?

You can leave the wrangling and the discussions until you're ready but DS2 might need dealing with tonight/first thing.

OP, how old is DS2? In my eyes this part is almost worse. I mean how could he be so careless as to expose a child to this?.

DS2 is in bed, he's alright just now.

I've got photographs.

Thanks for the support.

Sorry, x-post, just seen that he's 11. :(

You don't sound awful. I was relieved too when I finally got evidence, just as my family arrived for the weekend on Friday night
I waved the evidence at him and said "we'll sort this out on Monday".
Reader, on Monday I dumped his lying cheating arse.

It's OK to be relieved, and it's OK to deal with it tomorrow

It's not relief, it's confirmation that you knew you were right. Now you can act.

I'm so sorry though. What a horrible shit.

Where is your h now? Does he know you know?

This is awful that your ds saw the messages. I mean we all begin to realise our parents are infallible but to realise this way is grotty.

I'm sorry op. I will never understand how people can behave in this scummy, underhand, deceitful way. Ever.

Hope you got some sleep.

I remember when after months of torture...I love you but I'm not in love with you head fuckery and denying an affair...I found my evidence and I was relieved too.

They are always careless. There's always some little thing they forget to do to cover their nasty scutty trail.

Time to get all your ducks in a row re finances.

So sorry .

Thank you, all, your handholding is much appreciated.

No, I did not sleep. Not a wink.

More messages this morning. I will have to do some work and then I will text back telling them to stop and advising them that DS has read yesterday's (and who knows how many other) missives. H and I will talk tonight and he can leave when he has spoken to the kids.

No matter how much you've suspected, when you are faced with the evidence it's a body blow.

Do what you need to do in your own time. Your poor son, too, reading that.

What an utter idiot.

Sorry you (and your DS) are going through this.

I'm sorry you didn't get any sleep, I understand the relief of actually having evidence of your suspicions, but that was a terrible way to have them confirmed.

Kick his lying, cheating arse out of the door.

I hope your son is ok after seeing those messages, gather your RL support network around you, so sorry you're in this situation.

Don't bother texting her. Ignore her.

Ignore her because she is not relevant. If it wasn't her, it would be someone else.

Plus don't give her the satisfaction of your acknowledging her as important.

It's him you need to deal with.

I agree with texting her - this is DS's iPad. If OP doesn't tell her, messages are going to continue coming through to him.

Oh god. How awful. Hope you and your son are ok. I would speak to him ASAP and tell him where the messages are going.