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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found evidence

298 replies

ExitStrategyHelp · 28/05/2015 21:43

Now what?

It's too late for a conversation - long day in the office for both of us.

Unfortunately his loved-up texts (and sex talk) went to DS2's iPad. He is confused. I am angry although not as hurt as you might expect as I am not surprised.

Sigh. I don't have the energy for this….

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 29/05/2015 16:43

reply ' what do you think you should do?' -make him take some initiative.

Agree with this. Spineless toad.

Or just don't reply and let him stew on it.

GooodMythicalMorning · 29/05/2015 16:44

Omg. Poor ds and poor you. cant believe that his father has put him through this. He sounds like a shit.

Lndnmummy · 29/05/2015 16:44

I would not respond until he comes home OP.

Dansak · 29/05/2015 16:47

If you don't want him to go to her tonight, then reply with time to come and face the music. Hopefully he will have the decency to come home and face up to it. If you don't care whether he does or not, then suggest he doesn't come home until you're ready to see him.

You are in control of this now op.

Original poster
ExitStrategyHelp · 29/05/2015 16:48

He's then said could I switch iMessage off in Settings - at least I know where his priorities lie.
Prick.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExitStrategyHelp · 29/05/2015 16:50

Well, we will need to speak at some point, won't we?

I like the "I wanted you to be a mature adult, but that ship has sailed" reply - may still use is. Made me snort, so thanks for that.

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 29/05/2015 16:50

That would tempt me to turn it back on - just to see what they were planning.

I do not recommend doing that though.
I really hope you are ok exit, the shock for now will be absorbing enough. concentrate on the dcs and leave the phone alone for a while maybe.

DayLillie · 29/05/2015 16:50

He's then said could I switch iMessage off in Settings
Confused

Bogeyface · 29/05/2015 16:51

Personally I think I would switch it back on, if he thinks it is off then they may start messaging again and you will be able to see what his mindset is.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/05/2015 16:52

Yep, I would definitely keep monitoring the messaging. More evidence for you to hang on to. He is obviously not the sharpest crayon in the box. Hmm

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/05/2015 16:52

What an arsehole. Tell him to not come home. The ow will find him a lot less appealing if she has him there full time for a while.

Original poster
ExitStrategyHelp · 29/05/2015 16:53

No, I cannot do that.
The kids are in with some friends all linking up on various devices in Terraria.
I really don't need the neighbour's children knowing what's going on, never mind my own, until I know in my own head where we are going.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 29/05/2015 16:53

has he not said 'I'm really sorry' or 'is ds ok'

I bloody hope he has

that first text is basically baiting you to ask him to leave. Then he can swan off into OW's arms and claim you told him to go and he can then not feel guilty because it was you that asked him to leave

men like that are hard to deal with because a) they never take responsibility for their actions and b) they push the decisions onto you so that they don't have to make them

Goodbetterbest · 29/05/2015 16:54

I just wanted to lend some support.

I've just gone through this, very similar, and am coming out the other side. There is hope. Thanks

Original poster
ExitStrategyHelp · 29/05/2015 16:54

Nope, no 'sorry', no enquiry about DS2.

Like I said, prick.

men like that are hard to deal with because a) they never take responsibility for their actions and b) they push the decisions onto you so that they don't have to make them
Yep, that's his modus operandi every before this debacle.

OP posts:
GinSoakedBitchyPony · 29/05/2015 16:56

He's sent a text? He's just been caught out having an affair and he sends a text? He doesn't consider it a serious enough crime to discuss it in person?
What an absolute arsebadgering twunt.

LTB.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/05/2015 16:56

What an utter cunt - i would have been tempted to type back Just fuck off

BitchPeas · 29/05/2015 16:56

Yep what Bogeyface said.

TheoriginalLEM · 29/05/2015 16:57

oh and they work together? Well i think their boss should know what has probably been going on on company time. They deserve each other, both of them, vile.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/05/2015 16:57

Oh, sorry, didn't realise your dc had the ipad back now. If you have something else to monitor it, great. If not, then oh well.

He's going to push the blame on you somehow or on her for "chasing after him." Hmm No conscience at all then? No "sorry" or "is ds ok" would floor me.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 29/05/2015 16:58

Do NOT keep his secret. Tell family and friends now before he starts exerting pressure on you to keep silent.

FelicityGubbins · 29/05/2015 16:59

Text him back and tell him to crawl up the office slags arse and die
I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of pinning anything on you so agree that the best response is to ask him what he's going to do about it, and then let him get on with it...

MrsNextDoor · 29/05/2015 17:01

It sounds like he wants you to or is daring you to tell him to pack his bags.

He is a massive arse. I'd pack his bags myself....I would...I'd send the kids out to someone else's house, stick all his stuff in the road and be done with him. I'm so sorry OP. :(

FelicityGubbins · 29/05/2015 17:01

I would definitely be in contact with their workplace/and colleagues though, but I am a bloodthirsty bitch!

MrsNextDoor · 29/05/2015 17:01

Asking you to disable messages!! Dont!

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