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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

999 replies

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:02

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

OP posts:

Christinayanglah · 19/05/2015 21:04

Just look at how your thread titles have changed!

BathtimeFunkster · 19/05/2015 21:07

Great title! :)

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:11

it was Phoenix suggestion

I just wanted a way of saying fuck you to H even if he doesn't see it

OP posts:

SuffolkNWhat · 19/05/2015 21:12

Brilliant title, you are doing so well

mamaneedsamojito · 19/05/2015 21:13

Haha, glad you went with the thread title. Look how far you've come already :)

HoggleHoggle · 19/05/2015 21:14

Hi ophelia, just checking in. You're doing wonderfully, but sorry you've had the shit email today. He's just awful.

Good on you for making it clear that he can't just assume any old time for collection etc is fine. He sounds a right bully.

OurGlass · 19/05/2015 21:15

Good on you girl!

Ledkr · 19/05/2015 21:18

Brilliant title, very strong and positive

Original poster

OpheliaRose · 19/05/2015 21:21

Hoogle I never even considered him a bully really but maybe he is. I know everyone says this and we prob all sound naive and silly but he really isn;t the same person I knew. I've never seen him act like this before

mamaneedsamojito thank you for the orginal name suggestion that Phoenix adapted

OP posts:

HootyMcTooty · 19/05/2015 21:21

Well done Phee. He's unlikely to show remorse, to show any chink in his armour could result in this whole fantasy he's built up in his head falling down.

Whatamessthegood · 19/05/2015 21:28

Oh Fab Phee, well done you! I love the new title, even if you don't feel it sometimes, it absolutely reflects just how far you've come!!

Your XH is still living in cloud cuckoo land because no-one has made him face the reality of his actions, it will come, eventually, but hopefully by that time you will be 'Ms Superfuckingsexyingorgeousskinnyjeans' having the time of your life and not giving one shit about him!

I, like all others on this thread are astounded by your inner strength and your utter ability to put your DTs first, something your XH is incapable of doing, remember, his dick came before his children and is still continuing to do, that is a very sobering thought at the end of the day and puts things into perspective!

Rosieliveson · 19/05/2015 21:34

An amazing thread title!
I had forgotten about the Wednesday. That's a good point. Don't make it easy for the fool!

He really is a piece of work. I can't believe he can be so emotionally stunted that he isn't grieving the end of the relationship. What an utter prick!

Stick to your guns with contact. You are in the driving seat where the children are involved. He made his position clear when he left!

paddymcgintysmum · 19/05/2015 21:37

Are your parents there with you Phee? Your brother was, but you need Real Life help now.

HoggleHoggle · 19/05/2015 21:40

Ophelia from my pov he sounds like someone who is used to getting what he wants, and as long as he's happy, he's fine. But his behaviour to you has been so awful and to me it's his attitude that really sticks out - he's still trying to tell you what to do etc even after he's left the family home, let alone all the other disgusting stuff that's gone on. He honestly just doesn't sound like a 'good' person even aside from everything else. I'm sorry that he's not the person you thought he was, or that he used to be. That on top of everything else must be very upsetting.

But yes, he sounds a bully to me. It's always what he wants. And he seems to get it by railroading over everything else.

Also, good of him not to 'contest' divorcing on the grounds of adultery. Seeing as, you know, he did commit adultery. Like he's doing you a favour! Outrageous.

TurnipCake · 19/05/2015 21:52

Well done on the title!

He continues to sound completely self-absorbed, selfish and generally pathetic. Look how far you have come!

And yes, continue to draw in real life support. He doesn't get to dictate contact; you have your children's interests at heart, he doesn't

holdingontight · 19/05/2015 21:53

Love the thread title Phee and I know you say you don't feel so... But you are really kicking arse, girl. Even from 2 threads ago!

A proverb i like is 'what is for you won't go by you' and I think this is v true of the unexpected saviours who drop into our lives. Special people, at a certain time. Your friend with the chocs made me think if this, and the bath, shopping etc. the support you need has not passed you by.

I'd also like to think that STBXH is due a huge reality check on just what havoc he has wreaked, what a twunt he is and what the future repercussions (to him, his relationship with DTs) might be of him removing himself so deftly from his family home. He will get called on it, and it won't pass him by. And it might be given by the most unexpected source, but get it he will.

Thinking of you wishing you strength and hot tea, candles and maybe a cheeky ps might not be your thing but W1A is a half hour of silly TV if you want a giggle

holdingontight · 19/05/2015 21:58

Also you did say he has concentrated on work, helped by you being at home FT with your DTs. He might need reminding that his family is not a work project. Not something you finish, evaluate and move on from.

He strikes me as communicating with you as if he were in control of the situation, or at least expecting a certain outcome. Well it might well be that any at work, but he's not in charge of anything in your life , not any more. Phee you are kicking arse in the driving seat

holdingontight · 19/05/2015 21:59

sorry -- iPad typos...

Phoenix0x0 · 19/05/2015 22:01

Great title!

Phoenix0x0 · 19/05/2015 22:04

He keeps dictating....I want to take the DT for tea....I want to have the DT from 9am as I have a day trip planned!

What about....I would like...is this good? Shall we try and create a contact arrangement together?

HexBramble · 19/05/2015 22:29

Checking in on your new thread, Phee. You're doing really, really well.

Still raging against this fuckwit man child. Can't help agree to what Bath was saying on the last thread. He's excited about his new home despite the wreckage that he has caused?

CaveMum · 19/05/2015 22:29

Excellent thread title

I agree with those that say you must put a contact schedule in place - it must be x day at x time and any changes require minimum 1 weeks notice. He can't announce he wants them whenever it is convenient for him and with little notice to you.

BessieBumptious · 19/05/2015 23:07

Stupid bastard.

The karma bus will be along one day and perhaps he might be standing right in front of it when it does. But come along it will ...

LondonRocks · 19/05/2015 23:23

Total cunt. I despise your ex shitbag. He is beyond contempt.

Wish I could give him a piece of my mind.

Excited my arse. He fucking stinks.

You are fabulous, Phee! Kick that sorry assed man into the past with your metaphorical DMs. Take the reins, lady! Show him who's boss now.

dangerrabbit · 19/05/2015 23:54

Congratulations on your new positive thread title phee and I'm so pleased to see you continuing to move onwards and upwards away from this arsehole

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