Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

[SignoraStronza]

As others have said before, after going on mat leave 3 years ago (?), it really speaks volumes about you and how you're valued that your boss is taking time and effort to ensure you get the return to work that suits you and your new situation. I think it will really help you to get stuck in at work.dts

[HoggleHoggle]

Congrats on the job!

[OpheliaRose]

I'm really nervous about the idea of going back to work. I did really enjoy my job but I don't know infill struggle with a two children. I sound really silly I think because u know there are loads of single parents that cope every day but I'm terrified of it all.

I think going back is the best choice as I need financial security, I think it's a good idea socially for me and will help rebuild my self confidence but still I'm not sure

[laurierf]

Phee, of course you're nervous! It's going to talk a little time to fall into a routine, but it sounds like your work are really supportive.

You're right, it's going to be really good for you socially and for your self-esteem.

Have you got ideas about childcare yet?

[JugglingLife]

Those feelings are completely natural Phee, whilst financial security is fantastic I think it will be great for your emotional security. Whilst being a SAHM is fantastic, when you are forced into a situation then you have to think about what is best for the 3
of you. Just get lots of plans in place, declutter, spring clean and batch cook over the next few weeks so that you at least start in control. Think super mum.

[OpheliaRose]

laurierf I'm not sure yet My friend raves about the nursery her DC went to but there are also so wonderful childminders i've met at various toddler groups who are also wonderful. I think i will have to see whats available and at what price

[laurierf]

Yes, good idea to spend the next few weeks both checking out childcare (flexibility might be an important thing for you to consider at first as well as everything else?) and getting your home in order, batch cooking etc. and sorting out a Mon-Fri working wardrobe…. treat yourself to some new stuff if the budget allows?

[derxa]

I would go for child minder or student nanny Phee. More personal.

[Rosieliveson]

My friend prefers nursery as she felt it gave her dd more social and activity opportunities than the childminder. Definitely look into both though.
It will be scary to go back to work at first but it will be good for you all that you have some 'grown up' time.

I second pp's suggestion that the WF/DH story has worn thin or grated on their colleagues. It must be very distasteful for people to see everyday. They may have no morals but I'm sure their colleagues do!

[Ledkr]

When considering your childcare options, don't forget that the children have another parent who can share care and payment for care.

Set some arrangements down in stone which will help with work.

When you are at work you will be glad of the weekends to catch up on housework,shopping and washing so that after work on work days you can eat and spend time getting the kids to bed.

Make him step up to his responsibilities honey.

[Jackw]

Lovely to hear a positive update. I also think going back to work will do you the world of good. As well as the factors you mention, it will also give you something to occupy your mental energy rather than worrying about your family situation all the time.

Speaking from experience, you will need a range of back up plans that can be called in at short notice for when the main childcare arrangement doesn't work e.g. When the children are ill or the childminder is ill, has a family emergency etc. Also be prepared for being phoned at work to come and pick one of the children up if they fall ill during the day.

Great that the person you mention got in touch with you like that. It shows that the truth is known despite the rather ridiculous whitewash attempts and that even people who are friends of the gruesome twosome are recognising their behaviour for what it is.

[AccordingtoMe]

Great news about the job, you will be absolutely fine and you will love the freedom it affords you

[holdingontight]

Brilliant day for you Phee -- 2 good things and exciting plans to make.

I think childcare is a really personal choice, what works for friends or be the most highly recommended place just might not work for you. Can your mum be a back up to help you?

And yes I think Ledkr said STBXH needs to meet some cost/be parental leave back up himself. After all his actions have put you in the position now where you need to work, so he has to face up to what that means for him.

KOKO girl- you are truly kicking arse this week

[dangerrabbit]

Congratulations on the job

[dangerrabbit]

PS any chance you could tell STBXH's colleague "in confidence" about the blow job in the cupboard, seeing as she seems to be very good at getting the story out there?!

[BessieBumptious]

Congratulations on the job - excellent news!

Just a thought though - I don't think I'd be telling H about it. Not that you would, but just in case it's tempting. Not sure what others think about that - but maybe it might affect what he's giving financially. The less he knows, the better.

[mamaneedsamojito]

My DS is in nursery and absolutely LOVES it. I was devastated about the thought of going back to work at first (yep, I have a natural tendency towards the dramatic) but it works so well for us both now. I still miss him of course but he's getting all that social interaction and does loads of activities that are just not practical to set up at home. You'll enjoy getting a little of yourself back and using your brain in a different way again. The first two weeks are tough (and I started an entirely new job while my son was ill - how did we manage it?!) but once your routine settles it's fine. Well done you for being in demand

[DollyTwat]

I wish I'd expected my exh to take proper responsibility as soon as we'd split up. It's a good point Ledkr makes, expect him to step up and do his but - pay half etc

[AbitSceptical]

Glad you had a good day, Phee, especially the part time job. I'm sure you'll find a good childcare arrangement for the twins.

Good post AndyWarholsOrange - especially this:
I don't always post but I check in on you every day as I'm sure many others do.

[ninawish]

Yes I'm checking in from Australia daily too. The more things he does the more I'm thinking thank god he's left - seems such a heartless and just horrible person with zero morals

And you are truly inspirational even tho you don't realise - I've been out of the workforce as a sahm for 20 years, had my babies when very young and now I want to get back to work somehow but always lots of excuses (ie highly capable but no formal quals) - how you've sucked up all this crap and taken control has given me the push I needed so thank you.

Rock those skinny jeans girlfriend - I feel this story taking a real turn. It won't be long and you'll be working, in a routine, the twins will be really happy and your life will be your own and very good things will happen.

[Lindor2828]

Another one here Phee who checks in every day without fail.

So glad you had a positive day yesterday. I can't speak for others but as a single mum, working saves my sanity and I'm so much better working than being at home. You will really appreciate those days at home with your twins, and you'll also look forward to days at work to get some adult interaction aswell. You're doing fabulously!

[Chipshopninja]

Hi Fab Phee (and that nick name is so bloody appropriate!)

I came across this thread yesterday and then spent the rest of the day reading threads 1-4.

I cannot believe how fast everything has happened but more importantly just how fast you have changed as well.

If you went back an read your threads from start to finish in one go like I have I promise you would see it.

Jut a few weeks ago all you wanted to do (understandably!) was curl up in a ball and cry....but look at you now!!

New clothes, about to start a new job and really moving forward with your life. When they are old enough to understand your twins will be so so proud of their strong, beautiful and dignified mother.

You are an inspiration, truly

Hope you have a good day today and have some from me xx

[eminthebigsmoke]

Agree with the poster who said he should rein in his excitement. Do the twins now know that daddy has completely moved out? It's one thing to go for a sleepover at granny and grandad's but they will potentially find it very confusing to go somewhere else to sleep. Maybe he should lay the groundwork tonight - explain that he lives in a different house now and that they will come and stay there sometimes?

You're doing so well - job sounds great, and you'll get a feel for what childcare will be suit them best. Good luck

[Ledkr]

Phee. I wish I could see his sappy little face when it becomes. Apparent you are kicking arse, back at work and stuff.

They are happy when they leave and start their new shiney lives safe in the knowledge that you are still at home, looking after the kids and being "mum"
When that changes it blows their shitty minds.i remember my ex's face when he picked up the kids and I was just leaving for Glastonbury

Don't forget to use him to your advantage for his acess to benefit your working and chindcare needs.