Affair Part 5 - fab phee kicks arse wearing her skinny jeans

[OpheliaRose]

Many you will have read my threads 1 2 3 4

A month ago I discovered my Husband had been having an affair with a girl from his work. I thought it was one of the most painful moments of my life but the subsequent day where far more painful when the full extent of his betrayal was exposed to me and he has shown no remorse or sorrow over the loss of our marriage in fact he has left me for the OW

I have started divorce procedures on the grounds of adultery each day is proving a struggle but I am getting through it with the help of all of you.

All I want when this is over is for me and my Twins to be happy. We all deserve so much better than him

[MaMaof04]

AndyW Maybe they travelled first class (All these monies!) - always empty there - so maybe they did not need to go to the train toilet to do it.

[MerryMarigold]

Mama04. I love your posts. They always make me . They're so colourful!

[ELIANASGRANNY]

"A younger child accepts reality as it is presented to them"......Really? Amongst the many arrogant assumptions you make, this tops them all. I can tell you categorically, and from personal experience, this is not always the case. Younger children just learn to internalise everything, and suffer in later life.

If your "current" husband is so quick to "change his life" after one train journey, you'd better make sure he doesn't do any long haul flights!

[MaMaof04]

Thanks Merry

[fairnotfit]

I haven't commented during Ophelia's five threads, but I am at Aloha's post. Living proof that partners can, sadly, come and go - but stupid and insensitive is forever.

[TinTinsSexySister]

Jesus H Christ some people are insensitive.

Ignoring that part of the thread, something you said earlier about not knowing what else to say to H's colleague's email, as you wanted to remain dignified, struck me.

I totally agree that maintaining dignity is vital (though not always possible!) but I wonder if you are mixing this up with something else, taking it to mean not giving any details?

IMHO it would be very helpful to you not to keep his dirty dealings a secret.

Saying to the colleague, something like this...

"Thank you for getting in touch, it is much appreciated.

"As you can imagine, discovering my husband was having an affair and engaging in sexual relations while at work, has been devastating and his subsequent treatment of me and the twins has been shocking.

"However, we are coping and are getting through the days - as painful as they are - and hoping to slowly heal and move on in time.

"Your email has meant a lot to me, it is good to know where there is support as the twins and I put our lives back together.

All the best,
Phee"

...gets the message over while remaining dignified.

He might get away with this but he's should NOT be allowed to re-write history nor minimise the damage he has caused.

Dignified = good, keeping the facts quiet = not so great for you.

They are not mutually exclusive.

Well done so far, lovely, you've been a star.

[upduffedandworrying]

I have to admit in your position Phee I'd want to know what H had said to annoy this colleague...but I am nosy!

[ELIANASGRANNY]

Mama, I luffs you......leaf of fig!....Haha

[Vivacia]

I can't believe that Phee will have to put up with that on her thread.

[LondonRocks]

TinTin - agree - why should more lies win out. Why should that fucker rewrite history?

MaMa, you sound brilliant! Love your posts.

[ELIANASGRANNY]

Actually, it may confirm for her that there are other delusional women out there Viv, living in cloud cuckoo land. She has had a hard time imagining how WF could do what she has. Aloha shows how commonplace it is.

Incidentally, amazing how this guilt ridden woman bemoans the loss of her Georgian house, BMW, fab holidays........Oh, and almost as an afterthought, her son.

[Ledkr]

we were unhappy! we didn't know how unhappy until we met

That is the biggest pile of fucking shite I have ever read on Mumsnet or in my entire reading life.

phees husband must have been in unknown living hell on his lovely family holiday having lots of sex with his wife! good thing the ow came along to make him see sense.

The only good part of alohas post was the bit where she said they carry the guilt still.
Good, I'm pleased about that, long may it continue you pair of berks.

[AndyWarholsOrange]

Ledkr Spot on. Like when he was talking about his 'Dark Times'. Phee's dark times have comprised of finding pictures of her H wanking over pics of OW, having to endure him telling her about how 'alive' OW makes him feel and how hot the sex was. She's had to cope with suddenly becoming a lone parent to 2 year old twins. She faced the nightmare of spotting them out together holding hands and laughing days after he left her. And she's had to cope with the contemptible way that he's treated her since he left.
H's 'Dark Times' have involved him going on a lovely family holiday, shagging someone at work, leaving his family and going to the pub a lot with his girlfriend. How on earth did the poor man cope?

[Vivacia]

Presumably in the same way that Aloha did - with courage.

[laurierf]

Phee, if you want to start a new thread, we will of course all find you on it…

[Ledkr]

Haha viv very droll

[upduffedandworrying]

I notice Saint Aloha hasn't returned. Funny that.

[Ledkr]

I have a feeling she will be back though. Nobody who is that sure of their own righteousness would back down that easily.
I'm sure she will be back to tell us how deeply unhappy we all are in our safe marriages where we talk about nothing but domestic stuff and our kids.
How very dull of us not to be shagging at work or walking hand in hand five minutes after we have devastated one of our oldest friends.

[Rosieliveson]

aloha your post is shallow and self serving. I can't see how you thought sharing your experience of destroying two families with an illicit affair could possibly provide Phee with any comfort or insight. I'd like to think you would report your comment to save Phee, who is truly suffering through no fault of her own, having to read it. I am sorry if this seems harsh but I think you will struggle to find people on this thread who care about your hardships in such a situation.

Phee, hope handover goes well later. Don't be drawn to chat. Any comments that aren't about the children should be met with a swift dismissal along the lines of 'stop, about the children only please'.
Thinking of you x

[Losingmyreligion]

Apopleptic with rage and contempt up here in the rural shires. Both for H and W F and ridunculous poster upthread. Warmth and admiration for our lovely Phee though.

[Joysmum]

Aloha thank you so much for posting.

You've been far more effective at illustrating the point that people who have affairs are selfish, lack compassion and don't appreciate the hurt they cause because it's all about them with no clues about the devastation they leave in their wake.

Whatever point you were trying to make about blending families, your post was actually priceless in showing us all the personalities and attitudes of those that cheat.

[Christinayanglah]

Do you think aloha is actually wankfodder trying to justify her behaviour?????

[Vivacia]

No.

[TakemeforwhatIam]

that is all I can say to the selfish post of alohas, incredibly insensitive and poorly perceived view of her own malicious actions.

[Christinayanglah]

It's called sarcasm